Travelling with a partner or friend can be a great way to deepen a relationship, but there is incredible value in flying solo too…
I met Julia on river cruise in Tasmania. A naturopath and hypnotist by profession, Julia looked like any other sixty-something Melbournite, so it took me by surprise when I discovered she was on a month-long bush camping journey through Tasmania on her own.
“My husband doesn’t like bush camping, so I left him at home,” she said. “He needs to be in close vicinity to cappuccinos at all times.”
I could relate. Only in recent years have I come to love the outdoors enough to part ways with cappuccinos for long stretches of time.
Julia’s story fascinated me. Craving rejuvenation, away from the onus of helping other people through their problems, Julia had packed up her 4WD, ferried over to Tasmania, and made a temporary home for herself among the whisper of gums and birdsong. Alone.
Cradle Mountain National Park, Tasmania
I liked Julia. I loved that she was not afraid to do her own thing and that her idea of a holiday was absolute solitude in one of the most remote and wild places you can find. She had no problem being lonely, nor was she apologetic about going on an adventure without her café-obsessed hubby. She wanted a wild adventure, he didn’t, so she went alone.
Easy, right?
Maybe not. When I told a friend I was heading to Tasmania for a travel writing gig, she said: “Alone? So you’re just going to sit on your own in restaurants?” It’s kind of funny to think that the scariest part of travelling alone could be booking a table for one. Dining by candle light and gazing across the table at absolutely nobody is admittedly rather awkward.
But is that a good reason not to do it?
Among many other lessons learned during my recent ten day silent meditation retreat, I found out how to comfortably sit inside of uncomfortable feelings. I discovered that if I don’t hook into my worries and instead focus on the present moment—the smells, sounds and sensations of Now—then there is no such thing as awkwardness or loneliness.
In fact, loneliness can bring you back to your centre.
The beautiful Southern Ocean, Tasmania.
While camping might not be your cup of tea (or cappuccino), going on a solo adventure is one of the most balancing activities you can engage in, especially for a woman like Julia.
People who take on the role of being the nurturers in their families, communities and jobs often put their own wellbeing last. Who they are and what they love can easily be pushed aside for what other people want, what other people need.
Someone like this might struggle to pursue anything on her own because ‘me’ time feels like self-indulgence, neglect or flat out selfishness. If this goes on unchecked, she can forget what it is that she actually loves when it’s not stitched to making other people happy.
Then her identity gets lost. Her sanity is in jeopardy.
Julia, a therapist by profession, wasn’t going to let that happen to her. So she packed up her camper and left.
On a plane, during the safety instruction, the advice is always to put the oxygen over your own mouth before you put it on your kids or anyone else. For if you are not able to keep yourself alive and well, then what good will you be to others?
This is why it’s so important to learn how to love your own company, to travel solo, to dine for one. We are each living out our own journeys and so we much take care of our own needs, desires and dreams. We must learn to give generosity to ourselves so that we can suck the marrow from life, even if our companions can’t part ways with cappuccinos.
Sometimes this means flying solo to deepen your relationship to yourself.
What do you think of an adventure like this? Would you camp on your own for a month?
Disclosure: ‘Julia’ set off to find privacy and solitude, so I did not use her real name or image. My trip was sponsored by Tasmania Tourism and Go Behind the Scenery, but all thoughts are entirely my own.
Torre DeRoche is the author of two travel memoirs, Love with a Chance of Drowning (2013) and The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World (due out September 2017). She has written for The Atlantic, The Guardian Travel, The Sydney Morning Herald, Emirates, and two Lonely Planet anthologies.
66 Response Comments
I’ve been in East Africa for nearly 3 months now. I was with my partner in Tanzania for 1 month. But the remaining 2 months have been on my own in Uganda and Rwanda. I brought my own tent and I’ve camped about half the time. It’s the best.
I’m jealous of this lol.
Definitely something that interests me.
Any trouble with some of the wildlife? Lions/Leopards wanting to use you for lunch? lol
I have been to Zimbabwe once, and South Africa twice, but it was guided…not alone and wandering in the bush.
I suppose my moto has always been that life is too short to force yourself to do things which make you uncomfortable (for example, for me, camping) UNLESS, that discomfort is standing between me and a goal I really want to achieve, and there is no way around it (for example, a fear of phones (?)). Then I kick the hell out of that discomfort.
So, if I had to choose I wouldn’t travel solo, but if I really want to go somewhere and no one wants to come with me, I’ll definitely do it!
Lovely photos by the way.
STUNNING photos.
I really enjoy solo travel, but then again I am an introvert. Even dining alone is something that’s not scary after the first time.
There are plenty of reasons to not travel alone, but being nervous to eat dinner alone certainly shouldn’t be one of them!
Traveling alone can be very rewarding, I absolutely love it. I’m making my way through Mexico on my own right now and it’s just terrific. It’s great having to rely on yourself, it makes you realise just what you are capable of. And in reality, I find that you are often not really alone because there’s always someone who wants to have a chat.
As far as eating alone is concerned: I am actually a fan! I either focus completely on my food or spend my time observing the people around me. They never get boring!
Five years ago when I went on my first backpacking trip with my boyfriend of the time I met several solo travelers and thought to myself, “that sounds miserable”. But now the older I get the more I’ve actually been craving solo travel and this summer I’m doing my first completely solo trip–to Borneo, of all places! A friend actually hinted at joining me but I turned her down because I realize that this is something I really want to do alone. Solo travel isn’t for everyone but I think it’s a great experience and I’m super excited to try it! 🙂
I love this and I recently had a very similar experience. I have, since a very young age, been longing to go to India. My partner is an inside kid (likes being close to the cappuccinos) and so India is pretty much his Hell on Earth. So, I decided to go on my own. I can absolutely relate to that feeling that in my day to day life I am the one looking after everyone else and just generally ‘busy’ with things I have commited to (which I love) and I rarely get the oppourtunity to do only what I want to do, right now. Travelling alone was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I felt like I discovered so much about myself, how I react to things, what situations I thrive in etc. In fact, a week in I realised that I was actually comfortable sitting on my own doing absolutely nothing! Incredible. I am never idle, always doing at least a couple of things at once. I think it tested our relationship in a really good way too, it built our strength, both as individuals and as a couple.
I love “If you are not able to keep yourself alive and well, then what good will you be to others?” I think I’ll put that somewhere I can see it.
What a cool lady! I haven’t done much solo travel. I used to do a lot of work travel, and have taken trips by myself but have always had someone to meet up with at some point. I definitely meet more people when I am solo though, and it looks like you did too.
Hi Torre,
Ages and stages of life, for me have significance where this is concerned.
I never minded traveling alone before I was married, but now, I can’t imagine. I only get a few weeks of vacation time and the thought of not getting to be together to share those experiences would make me sad. My husband gets six weeks of vacation per year, so he will sometimes take a trip without me, and that never bothers me, but one of my favorite things about being married is the fabulous travel adventures we get to share. At the same time, I am glad I traveled solo in my 20s. I’d be happy to travel solo again if my vacation time weren’t limited and therefore precious, but it’s the price I choose to pay for our early retirement plan. No complaints.
Traveling solo can be daunting, but that’s no reason not to do it! I travel solo quite a bit, and am planning a move to New Zealand (from the States) where I don’t know a soul. Part of that scares me, and part of me is so excited about all the new people it will force me to go out and meet. Dining alone can definitely feel awkward though at times lol.
I’m not sure I would spend a month camping alone, but I would absolutely (and have already) travel for a month on my own. I’ve never minded my own company and, although sometimes I miss having somewhere to share those special travel moments with (like I did in Australia) being somewhere alone can really be a worthwhile experience, getting comfortable with just being yourself makes you stronger and dining alone? I don’t mind it. And it’s definitely not something that should stop people from travelling alone.
I am so so so happy that I traveled on my own before I met my husband. It definitely made me the person I am today, however now that I’ve found my favorite travel partner I have zero desire to travel without him. He makes trips 100X more amazing! 🙂
I love travelling alone. In fact, although I’m excited about going travelling with my partner at the end of the year, there’s a small part of me that wishes I were going alone. The experience is so different alone, the journey so much deeper and you grow that bit more. Your thoughts on solo travel being balancing are really interesting. So many people who are afraid to travel solo worry about eating alone and the like, for me the hard bit is allowing myself to do what makes me happy, in comparison everything after that is easy.
Good to see real expertise on display. Your coubiitntron is most welcome.
More power to all the “Julia’s” of the world travelling alone is truly wonderful. Company is good also but sometimes solo you branch out and do and see different things and talk to different people. Lovely photos. I’ve been to Tasmania it’s a lovely state .
Love this post, Torre! I’m a very outgoing and extroverted person by nature, so traveling alone is always a great exercise for me. It forces me to have some quiet and look inward, which is so essential for growth! And being in nature makes it extra powerful.
I would love a solo adventure. I did study abroad in Buenos Aires for six months and even though I made great friends and lived with a host family, some of my favorite times were exploring the city on my own. I’d easily spend hours walking through barrios, stopping at cafes, sunbathing in the park. I think that was the first time in my life that I realized how much I enjoy being alone.
This was a beautiful article Torre. Thank you!
Great post!
I too think it is important to do something on your own even when you are in a relationship. The sad part though is that if you tell somebody that you are in a foreign country on your own and your significant other is not with you, then the person automatically assumes that there must be something wrong with your relationship. If there wasn’t you would be travelling together!
It is kind of difficult to explain sometimes why it is totally okay to go on an adventure by yourself and that you are also happy with your partner…
Not sure about camping for a month (due to my inability to read a compass or start a fire on my own…) but I do solo travel throughout Europe a lot, and I actually prefer it. That way, I get to do the itinerary I want to do, no compromises. My idea of travelling is being active morning until evening to soak in as much of the local culture as possible, walking every inch of the town, getting overly excited about architecture and art, eating weird food, and filling my memory card with hundreds of photos…though this sometimes makes me an annoying travel companion. While it’s nice to visit friends in other places, I rather enjoy travelling by my lonesome! And I’m not alone at the restaurant; I always have my best friend with me, my book!
In love with your blog!
I don’t have the nerve to travel alone but I got inspired by the things you wrote. I might try traveling alone soon. 😀 Thanks for the tips.
Gorgeous photos- this makes me want to visit Tasmania, alone 🙂
Good read. Travelling alone gives you time to reflect and look within yourself.
I really admire people who can go out and travel completely on their own. My younger sister got on a little plane and flew to Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada just last month. I thought that was pretty cool of her, but she’s always been the more adventurous sibling of the both of us.
I have no problem being alone at all (and actually prefer it) but I haven’t jumped on the solo travel bandwagon just yet. Maybe one day soon!
I remember my big trip to India on my own. One of my friend canceled our plan three month before the trip, so I had to do alone!
I was shocked and thrilled by the fact taking this “risk”. When I got there I figured out how weak I was, but in the end of it I become much stronger.
In my opinion to travel alone is a best thing you could do to find yourself. Especially if your self-esteem is at stake.
No I don’t mean these cliché trips to ashrams and doing yoga for half a year. It’s great for retired middle aged people, but young people should step out of their comfort zone by doing an epic journey which is more challenging.
Travelling alone is just amazing and I too love travelling around my city to capture nature, beauty and fresh atmosphere.
Excellent piece of writing! It really inspired me.
Torre, going back to the 1950’s I travelled overland from England to India by bus where my husband to be was one of the 12 passengers. We were one of the first bus’ to go overland . Some years later we returned to England bought a motorcaravan and with two children repeated the adventure. Loads of adventures some repeatable and some not. I am 82 now and still get itchy feet. Travelled up untilI was 80. The last few years adventured on my own and loved it.
I don’t understand people that are scared to do anything without the accompaniment of another person … I’m all about the solo travel!
Such an inspiring story … I hope that everyone gets the opportunity to travel alone for an extended period at least once in their life. For me, it gave me a wonderful new insight into my own thoughts and identity, and a confidence in myself that I could face challenges alone. Plus, I’ve met some of my greatest friends while travelling alone, whom I might have never encountered if I’d been travelling with a friend!
Love this! I came back (three months ago already!) from 10 weeks of travelling on my own. It was such a huge challenge and I had no idea how I would go, but I loved it. It was truly empowering to take myself into the world and just be. As it turns out I wasn’t alone that much – I met loads of people along the way and had so many experiences that I will remember forever 🙂 Love your photos btw! x
I’ve never travelled alone. The only thing I did was going on two stays abroad in San Diego and in Madrid. But after 1-2 days I already met a lot of people (from my country), so I was never alone. Last year, my best friend went alone to Paris to work there for some weeks and when she told me that she always went to bars and clubs by herself, I said the same as your friend. But I think in future I will definitely give it a try and do the same.
Love this post. I started travelling alone in my twenties and over the years have become addicted to solo trips. I truly cannot think of stopping going it solo. For me it is the only way that helps me find inner balance and as you say, naturally feel good with uncomfortable feelings.
I think when traveling solo you get a different perspective of the places you see and get a sense of yourself. FYI the pictures you have are amazing.
http://adventuresofdejav.com
When i reading this post.Then my mind is change. I think very important alone traveling.My next targeted alone travel.
I love this post! It’s funny the things people fixate on when the topic of solo travel comes up. Yes, eating alone in a restaurant can be weird at first, but it’s really not that big a deal. I totally agree with the idea that we all need time on our own, especially people who are used to taking care of others. No matter what, solo travel shows you that you can take care of yourself and builds confidence. I enjoy traveling with my husband, but after being together for a few years now, we’re both realizing we need to take a solo trip now and then too.
I’ve have done most of my travel solo and thoroughly enjoy the freedom to do what I want to do.
Recently did some trips with my partner and although it is nice to have the company, I missed the freedom of solo travel.
Absolutely! I agree, your own company car be thereaputic and renewing. I love my trips away on my own. I recently visited Tasmania with my Mum and can’t wait to head back on my own for a cometely different experience.
As for eating in resturants solo…. I once had my own Tepanyaki table at a Japanese resturant in Torak, Melbourne. 🙂 still one of my best travel moments.
Started traveling alone at age 14. Traveling Solo is my middle name from hiking the African desert to living with Masai to camping in Equador, Mexico, Brazilian forest and so on.. Travelling solo is so important to me because I am by myself, learning about me , setting up a rythm and going where I wish to go. I work with Nature and I feel that Nature guides me and I feel Safe in Nature. I do a lot of things alone and others with People but traveling is on my Own. I meet so many different people, have gotten some amazing friendship that way but at the end of the day it is a Solo trip with/by myself facing me and the decisions I make. It is important to be alone at time to know oneself. It is a challenge but I love it
Most of my friends are sedentary and they are either afraid or stuck to be traveling alone. But for me it is a way of life and worth it. Spending time with others is also important and balancing all that is sure worthwile. Beautiful pictures you have there.
Great post! I hope more women decide to take a trip solo and just see how it feels. How will you know until you try it?
My first solo trip was 3 weeks of camping/hiking/scuba diving along the coastal highway in California. I was apprehensive but decided to just do it. After all, I could just drive home to Idaho if I wasn’t having a good time.
I drove a Nissan Altima and lived in a tent. It was a fantastic first solo camping adventure. Fascinating forests, gorgeous coasts, friendly people when you want to mingle, and many quiet places for solitude when you want it.
This first trip led to many beautiful solo experiences in the wilderness. You don’t know until you try!
Awesome photos. Yes, traveling solo has unique experience and gives the option to do whatever you like to do. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi I’m 47 years your never been on a real holiday and I havnt been over seas since I was 12! So a couple of days ago I took a big leap and booked a trip for Cambodia for a month! I’ve always had a fascination for this country. I’m scared shitless but so excited its all I can think about it!
Yes! I just booked a trip for only me to go to Copenhagen and explore europe this summer, and was feeling exactly this. I’ve felt a deep need to do this since I was little. Thanks for encouraging my travels!
-Jason
Hey Torre, Great article.
I have to share that last Christmas I asked her this book. I read dedicatedly and deliciously in portuguese. I fell in love with your writing and about you and Ivan.
His book is inspiring for any traveler soul. Thank you for showing your vision of the world.
Abraços , guapa 🙂
sejogapromundo.blogspot.com.br
Wow! I just inhaled your book in one sitting, excellent read – thank you!
Funnily enough I am packing up ‘jeep’ and downsizing my stuff to go on a 2-3 month tenting trip to the U.S. alone. Since the breakup I quelled my fear of driving, bought a partner in crime and with my gear set out to test myself and to see what would happen in a weeks time. To be clear I’m an experienced camper, but with a vintage Boler and a man who always did the washing up, the firewood, the driving…you get the idea. I had tented years ago and the in the mornings hazy memories and vino carpeted tongue, I’m pretty sure I liked it. Thus this crackpot idea of driving the coast from Here to there and camping along the way…maybe I will rescue a dog along the way…and by the way that first night of my exhilarating week long test a bear came a knocking and left a nice tattoo of snot along with an 8 inch gash on my door, I just rolled over and went back to sleep. “Jeep away!”
Great tips and absolutely beautiful pictures!
Thank you for sharing 🙂
Cheers,
Sri & Kian
Very inspiring words thank you!
I swear by travelling along, as a yoga teacher, meditator and earth lover I can honestly say that you find out so much more about yourself and others… I just came back from a short 3 day cycle/camping trip in NZ, I would of stayed longer if I could. Then there’s all the month’s I spent in India, Nepal & Asia! The funny thing is, you’re never really alone, no sooner do you part with another independent traveller-friend then another comes along! And eating & dining on your own invites people to make contact with you, rather then closing the outside off from behind a friend’s, lover’s, partner’s back 🙂 Don’t get me wrong, there are some perks to having a familiar face around… but I definitely prefer travel solo!
*alone – not along! But next time you want to come along, I’ll meet you there too!!
I totally agree about the importance of traveling alone. Almost all of my travel has been done solo. I relish the time to myself so I can think.
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
it seems such a beautiful country. high on my bucket list now.
Obviously, there are many benefits to travelling with friends or loved ones, but other people can often serve as distractions from the destination you’re visiting.
This is an awesome stuff.It is great thought to travel alone.So we can make some adventurous thing.
https://holidayhai.com/holidays/bangkok-phuket-budget
Best Blog and very informative about Travel.It feels good to be lost in the right direction.
Very nice post thanks for sharing it.
Travelling alone means you’ll have to make your own decisions, helping you become more confident, assertive and decisive as a result. There’s nothing like over coming some obstacles and knowing you did it without leaning on someone else to make you feel stronger.
Dubai Dune Buggy
Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more. Traveling alone is so good for the soul. Taking the time to reflect and focus on your self is really important for your mental health as well. I believe in journaling during these times so I can relive the moments in the future again. What are your go to sources for travel journals to document these solo trips? I often order through Nottai where I can personalize the cover design. Do you have other recommendations?
You can check out all of Nottai’s travel journals here: https://nottai.com/collections/journals-travel. I’d love to hear from you if you have other personalized journals you’d recommend.
Life’s too short to force yourself into uncomfortable situations, unless it’s a hurdle between you and a cherished goal. Embrace discomfort for growth! When it comes to solo travel, it’s not my first choice, but if my heart’s set on a destination and I lack company, I’ll seize the opportunity! By the way, lovely photos. Regarding Latvia visa, explore reliable Latvia visa services in the UK to smoothly apply for a Latvia Schengen visa. Don’t let paperwork hold you back from your Baltic adventure!
What an inspiring travel article! I love how it captures the essence of exploration and adventure. The vivid descriptions and engaging storytelling transported me to another world. Reading this article has fueled my wanderlust, and I can’t wait to embark on my own adventure soon!
Elevate your website’s quality with ToolBox Hub! Our suite of SEO, text, and image tools is designed to enhance every aspect of your online presence. Make your site irresistible to both search engines and audiences. Experience the uplift with ToolBox Hub today.