When People Don’t Support Your Dreams

Do you do all the art and graphics for this? It looks very very good.

I think we have all encountered naysayers at some point in our lives. It is hard to deal with, but you have to believe in yourself, because no one and I mean no one can feel what you feel or think the thoughts that you think and many times those naysayers are just jealous that they can’t do what you are doing!

I’m always thinking of my sweet comeback a day late. Here’s what I thought to say to one of my naysayers (after the fact) http://forgeover.com/articles/2010/12/19/dreamers-and-naysayers

LOVE this! I’m quite adventurous, unlike most of my friends and family, so I frequently face lots of naysaying. I’m definitely bookmarking this post and using it as a reminder. Thanks!

GREAT article!! Did you do the images yourself? 🙂 very creative!! I think my bestfriend (former?) is a bit of a naysayer. she has such a negative attitude and loves to make fun of people.. it’s actually hard being around her because we just aren’t in the same level anymore :/ that’s one of the sad parts about going for your dreams though. friends who you thought were friends might not be anymore, once you start playing a bigger game, and taking charge of your life and BEING confident, your friends (who are still stuck) will find it harder to relate. Thus the friendship drifts apart..

I think you’ve nailed the solution to naysayers! They do seem to pop up alot around adventurous people. Naysayers and Tall Poppy Slayers. Do you also find that when they’ve had their naysay before hand they also pop up after the adventure in question and quote things like : “you’re so jammy” and “you always seem to land on your feet” “you’ve had some amazing opportunities”. Drives me bonkers!

Screw the naysayers! The good news is that there are enough people out there to support our dreams … even if we do have to find them online!

I loved this!! I think the quote at the top is my new favorite quote. EVER!

Love this! Love the illustrations and the message. You had me at “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
~ W. Gibson.” LOL

Torre all i can say is you nailed it. Btw i started your book last night and had to force myself to put it down. Good thing you didn’t listen to those naysayers.

This is a truly brilliant post that should be read by EVERYONE!!! I love that quote in the beginning.

““What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub!”

You’re amazing.

New favourite blog.

You are a great writer! I love this post and have shared it on each of my social media outlets, that’s how cool I think it is and how relevant to my own dream chasing! 😉 Best of luck with your book! Hoping to order a copy soon…

Great post Torre, you speak the truth. Those buzz killer people really stink. Fortunately there aren’t too many of them out there. Hope your book is going well! Looking forward to reading it once my account gets back in the blue ><.

Everything about this post is so true. For the longest time I had put my dreams of traveling on the back burner because I knew people would tell me, “that’s not a job.” Finally, I decided after I was done with college I wasn’t going to look for a 9-5 “grown-up” job; I was just going to travel. When I tell people they mostly ask “What do you mean you’re going to travel?” or “How are you going to get paid doing that?” For the most part I just take the ignore them approach.

Great post. I love the illustrations 🙂

Great entry! Very inspiring, and particularly appealing to me as I deal with friends telling me that my dream of traveling around the world and writing about it are irresponsible and that I need to just knuckle down and start down the career path.

TORRE!!! i just published a post this week that comments on naysayers!!! LOVE your tips (and how to spot them LOL). there are so many effing gems here, but my fave is plain and simple- “Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.” hell to the yes. i do feel that there are instances in which naysayers aren’t ill-intentioned, but just short on imagination. whatever the reason, our beautiful, amazing, adventurous, unique lives depend on victory over their power! even, or especially, when “they” are staring back at us in the mirror! i seriously need to read your book already! i hang on every line of your posts, so i can’t imagine how much i’ll love SWEPT. 😀

I cannot express how timely this topic is for me personally. It’s so true. So effing true. So tired of building myself up, only to be ripped apart, and ridiculed, even by loved ones. Sometimes I wonder if the lonely wanderer isn’t the happiest of our clan?

I hate the attitude of naysayers! I always think, if you don’t have anything positive to say it why say it at all! I’ve met my fair share of these people in my lifetime, maybe it’s because I have a lot of dreams that I like to share, apparently that means I’m asking someone to tell me, “Oh, you’ll probably fail.” I no longer have time for these kind of people, the negativity is too draining. Now days I always try and surround myself with positive people that will encourage my dreams even if they don’t agree with them or fear I’ll fail. And if I have no choice but to be surrounded by naysayers then they just don’t get treated to hearing the story of my dreams because only special, kind people deserve to hear my deepest dreams and desires! 🙂

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I identify with this post! Let me, at 64 years old, re-enforce what you say. My dad was (and is – still!) the biggest naysayer I ever met in my life, so he well and truly dampened all my youthful ambition and enthusiasm, because I thought I was supposed to be the good daughter, and not run away as I should have done! (Wow, just imagine!) The way I was at 19 kind of shoved me into the arms of the guy I eventually married. He seemed to be just the opposite, but by the time I realized he was just a naysayer in a different disguise it was too late, and I had two, wonderful kids. For that reason only, I can’t, honestly say, that I regret my earlier life – but I am damned if I will ever, ever listen to negative vibes again, and I constantly preach that to my kids, who have very much gone their own ways so far.
Believe me, you will never, ever regret doing your own thing, following your own dreams. If things don’t work out, you pick yourself up and try something else, but it was your decision, and it’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive someone else who ruined your dreams!
Good for you and many congratulations on the book, which I will defnitely buy as soon as I have two cents to rub together!

Hi,

This article is awesome and I agree with it 100%! If I actually listened to all of those naysayers out there I would not have went this far in life. Despite the odds, I am living my dream. I was in a “comfort zone” working at my Fortune 500 white collar job. But, I wanted to pursue my dream of being a motivational speaker, and having an all positive social network. To my surprise, it has become worldwide. Live your dreams people, no matter what anyone says or thinks about you!

Love this post! I experienced exactly what you described from close to everyone I know when I announced my plan for my RTW trip. I was told it would be dangerous, I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it on my own, that I’d be home in a week, that I should be spending my money on a car or a house! ARGH! I just ignored them and they’re suddenly very quiet now that I’m two months in and still alive 🙂

OMG – I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.

Torre, you are a truly gifted – both in art and in written word. There simply aren’t enough people like you in the world!

Awesome post! I’ve really only had one person ever poo-poo on my dreams – an ex-boyfriend. When I told him that I wanted to ride my bike around India he said, “Yeah sure – like THAT’LL ever happen!”

The funny thing is that his reaction is part of exactly why I really did take off and ride my bike around India!

Nevermind the post, the artwork is AWESOME!

Ok seriously nice post too 🙂

I am not a naysayer and I agree everyone should have dreams and do what they want to do even if they fail at it, but its also nice to reaffirm to that person and ask them “are you sure that is what you want to do” because everyone (usually) knows themselves but family members can know a lot about you too (just not everything) and some people go right into something not realizing how hard it might be, etc and sometimes they had wished they were warned about it (not torn down).

I have had (and still do) lots of challenges in doing a lot of things and when I was looking into buying a 5th wheel I insisted I couldn’t tow one with a tall profile but I had people tell me that a tall profile was no problem; I started with a shallow profile then graduated with a too tall profile!)

Anyway, my family is supportive of whatever I decide to do, the don’t think that I should go travel on my own but they still support me no matter what.

“The psychology of an asshole” How I wish there’s a class for this subject!
Anyway, nice blog. Will add into my reading list. 🙂

AWESOME article. I learned to ignore those dream-killing a-holes a long time ago. That’s why I am living the dream, traveled the world and now have a growing travel website and blog! =D never give up guys, NEVER

Hi Torre, love the graphics – you’re a graphic designer? Am I right?!

I have this exact problem and it is so hard to work through it and get on with doing what you want to do despite what people say.

One of my nearest and dearest is always saying she “doesn’t get my blog” another constantly whines “you have it so easy”! Er no, I just followed my dream and put in a LOT of work!

I like what you say at the end. It’s sad but true. I tell my kids:

“Some people are just mean.”

Great to hang out with like-minded people who do their stuff anyway. Good for you:)

Hey Torre,

Excellent post. Phenomenal graphics!

Have I dealt with naysayers? I decided to not have babies when I was 5 yrs. old, sold everything and went to France for the love of a Frenchman, have lived five winters in Mexico on a wing and a prayer, traveled by myself all over the world, written and self-published 13 books-one of which tells the true travel tale of a wanton woman who doesn’t apologize for a healthy libido, given up my dumb-assed career in sales to write, went for holistic treatments pre-surgery for cancer in Puerto Vallarta (God Forbid) etc. etc.

When one of those naysaying nincompoops pop into my life, which has happened more times than I care to remember, I just quietly relish the fact that my ingenuity and imagination has taken me further in one of my 50 years than all of theirs.

Thank you Torre, another great post, I love the non-scientific map of the brain, very cool.

Torre, I JUST came across your blog and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I have a roommate (and she WAS my best friend) who has continually shit all over my dreams. I had to use the sever ties method and now I’m sub-letting my apartment. This post just gave me hope, reassurance and validation. I’m NOT ridiculous for wanting to teach overseas, and I’m proving that by actually doing it. Luckily most of the other people in my life have been respectful and accepting. Thanks for your wonderful writing, you made me laugh and warmed my heart.

OMG!! Thank you SO much for this article! Similar to you, I am a gal who’s done various things with my life – currently living it teaching English in Athens, Greece. And yet, every time I took myself off abroad, my ‘dear’ older sister (settled, married with kids) would naybash me by commenting:

“Huh! Off travelling again I see…so, what are you running away from THIS time?”

As it was family, it took a fair bit of therapy (especially as, in retrospect, this had been going on for YEARS – I am the youngest by a big age gap) and now I can quite comfortably turn that switch to Don’t Give A Sh*t (oh, and occasionally indulge myself in an evil fantasy where someone naybashes her).

Thanks for this – and loving the writing/articles.

:0)

I did this with my brother, who i could tell, was not at all supportive with my dream and constantly kept “helpfully” reminding me how easy it is to fail. Never saying a supportive word – opting instead with silence or “what about school?”

To clearly identify a dreamkiller do this:
1.Tell them you gave up on your idea/dream or complain about how hard it is.
2. Gauge their reaction.

Dreamkillers will often facilitate your view on giving up and try to convince you it’s better to give up. They may say things like “Yeah man if we were rich then we could do the things we want” (What they really want to say is “it’s not your fault WE never had a chance so just give up like me”) Or they’ll, like my brother, simply say “Good”

Never give up. Sometimes in this life you’re the only one who has your back. This is not an excuse to give up. I guarantee you, the moment you succeed they naysayers will either fade into the darkness, or they’ll become you “biggest supporters” (of course this will be b/c they seek to benefit from your success.

Geeee Torre this stuff is just so good, love the way you say it as it is. Some great advise and some tough decisions that need to be addressed.

Thank you so damn much for this article. I feel like no one is supporting my dreams, and all I’ve been hearing from friends, family, and everyone else is “No”, or “It’s not going to work.” I started to think there was something wrong with my vision, my ambition, and my business idea, but I came across this post and it literally described my feelings word for word. It’s so f-cking frustrating and depressing to feel like an outcast for doing something you really want to do. Thanks a million for this article, it’s a small sliver of hope in an otherwise suffocating world.

Wonderful recreation of the negatives in the world. Power for the imaginative & positive people.

Hey, I still feel discouraged. I’m 15 and I love baking. I wanna be a pastry chef when I grow up of even a chocolatier. But my parents aren’t helping when I tell them. My dad is fine with it but he’s worried about how busy I would be and whether the workers I will hire might spread my secret recipe. Then there’s my mom, who thinks it’s a hopeless dream. And those comments lead me to worrying. I’m worried what if all my dad said are true. And whether I’ll be successful in opening a bakery or not.

Torre,

I really appreciate this article; it’s funny and very helpful. I am just starting out on my quest to achieve my dreams, but I understand the terrible burden that is naysaying very well. I feel like most of my friends and family just shrug off my dreams and any time I talk to them they just roll their eyes and start their bash. And I’m not going to lie, I have been a naysayer too. But being on the receiving end of that doubt has really opened my eyes to how detrimental words can be. I used to be a pessimist, but on my quest to attend the college of my dreams, I have learned not to take no for an answer and that working towards something with relentless drive and passion is ok – great, even. So from this point on I shall do my best to avoid naysaying to not only myself but everyone else as well. This article has helped to solidify my resolve; I will NEVER give up in pursuance of dreams, no matter what anyone says to bring my down. Optimism and persistence FTW 🙂

And thank you so much for writing this wonderful blog!

My dream is to be a singer/dancer/actor – but both my parents refuse to believe that I could ever do it or have any talent in those aspects, and instead are insistent on me becoming a veterinary surgeon or a doctor. I don’t know what to do. My dreams are a bit unrealistic – but it’s all I want. So what now? 🙁

My parents have been crushing my sports dreams and have been passively eating at my dream of being in the marines. I’m 15 so I don’t have any control. I feel hopeless. It just yanks the life out of me.

I am so glad I came across this page. I have been completely discouraged by pretty much everyone in my life except my mom about fulfilling my dream of moving to England. Since I was a young child I have dreamt about living there and finally at age 20 went for a brief visit. I fell in love with the place and my heart is yearning to leave this discouraging and negative bubble I live in here in Toronto. I have told a few people and have had countless people tell me how impractical and stupid it is to move to England. People I thought were “friends” have tried to discourage me by telling me how it was impossible for them to do it so it will be impossible for me to do it. I even had one “friend” tell my mom that she should discourage me completely from moving because they had tried it previously and had to come back to Canada because they couldn’t make it.
It’s so hard and frustrating having this dream and not being able to tell aof these so called friends or family my hopes and dreams. I am not going to sit back anymore and listen to these naysayers who want to bash my dream
because they didn’t achieve theirs. Thanks for the much needed boost.

My dream is and still is to become a professional skier. I am quite young and at 16, although the likelihood is dim, I still strive from what others say I can’t or won’t. I have been told I’m really good by many and have entered scores of competitions throughout the New England Area placing in most if not all of them. However, my family holds me back. Obviously, I can’t drive, so my dreams are at hold. Remarks such as “do a real job” or “you can’t do that” or “that’s too dangerous” are thrown upon me. Although, it stubborns me I ignore those remarks and only use them as a motivational method to further achieve my goal. I work with my father occasionally, and some day he wants to work with me professionally. However, deep down inside I do not want to. As time passes I do nothing and I am too afraid to sit down and talk with my family. I want them to support me, but they do not. I just do not want to work and sit down in an office for the rest of my life, getting voluminous on Twinkies and fast food. I want to do what I love and always have loved, what keeps me happy and always will, what Norwegians are born for, and maybe someday I will reach that goal, because when your having fun, everything comes easier.

Yup! I just had a enormous argument with my parents about me starting a Health and Wellness business. A 37 year old woman like me and they said they’re disowning me. Like I care. They were swearing, cursing, calling me name as (death face, slut, whore, and etc.) It was hurtful but I tried to ignore. I am not letting them running my future. F! them!

What a great Blog post. I will certainly share…

I grew up surrounded by dysfunctional people who waited in the shadows for someone to step out of the norm so they can pull them back in by pissing on their dreams. Mainly because they were too frightened to climb out of their comfort zone to pursue their own dreams they couldn’t stand for someone else to succeed where they failed. The best thing I ever did for myself was to separate myself from these folks because their negativity grew to hatred and jealousy. Even today as I pursue my dream many wait lurking in the shadows, waiting for any sign of failure. But, I don’t pay any mind to them because they are living their own private hell. Someone with that kind of negative mindset couldn’t possibly be happy in life. Which is probably part of their problem. What a relief and sense of sense of tranquility I found when I made the conscious decision to walk away and surround myself with positive people.

Your Blog post fueled my inspiration and I Thank you 😀

This helped a lot, I’m not an adult I’m a young teenager and everytime I tell my grandparents(I live with them) what I’m interested in doing for a career they either laugh or criticize it! And I walk away sad depressed and very low confidence ! And a lot of stress and I have tried talking to them but it ends up into an argument !

One rather in attractive girl in my class, who has been bullied due to her weight and has boasted about her ‘flawless skin’ on a daily basis has been a naysayer in my life. A major one. She’s usually kind, but she’s super passive aggressive. I told her I wanted to be an actress, and maybe get into some modeling – I don’t know why I did, she just got it out of me. When I told her though, I’d expect her to be positive, the way I was with her dreams of being an international business women. Instead, she laughed and said, “Don’t you need to have acting talent to do that? I mean, I’ve never seen you read a monologue, but… And I mean, modeling? Don’t you have to be pretty for that?”

Pretty harsh, coming from her. Especially cause I’ve never been anything but nice to her. I don’t know, nobody believes in me but I do. Thanks for this article! Maybe it’ll help me deal with my family, too.

It’s a world of naysayers for me.

My husband kills all of my dreams. I say I want babes, he says he never wants babys. I say I want to go to NY he says NY is the last place on earth he wants to go.
He is a big naysayer and thrives on quashing my dreams.
Some advice please?

Psycology of an asshole, someone who wants to push someone else to do something this person dont want to do.
This someone i sacrificie so hè couldn’t study and get up in his career.
My alcoholic friend told me you have to leave everything and live my dream or else. He wanted to work abroad and every couple of years move to a different place. Seems great, well not for me. I wanted to study, get a job and be independent. So i followed my dream and stayed.
The dreamer is somewhere living his dream, i’m an artist and living my dream finally.

Really good read and needed it today.

I am working on a product and having trouble finishing it due to fear.
I am afraid of my competitors criticizing me.

This one guy who is at the top, routinely insults and belittles anyone who disagrees with him and his ideas. According to him, his way is the only way of doing this.

How do you deal with that type of person when they have such a large following?

Most of the time he will spout the major companies he has worked for or the books he has written and tell people, where’s your book or blog or seminar. He’ll tell people they are stupid and don’t know what they are talking about. Yes, he gets really nasty.

I am an unknown but the reality I have tons more experience than he has and my views are different.

So how do you deal with it? What do you say to someone like that if they start putting your book or blog down?

Love the illustrations. Completely love your writing style.
It’s true dream suffocates have unfulfilled dreams too. It’s difficult to keep a dream you are excited about to yourself but sharing can have consequences some good some bad. Getting involved in business incubators, writing groups, art communities etc just like minded folks will whittle down the “likelihood” of a naysayer. For every level of desired accomplishment there will be a “Goliath”.

Hello Torre! I have been having continuous problems with my parents always bashing my dreams of going to college for musical theatre. I’m almost 17 , but I have been absolutely in LOVE with performing from a young age and they know how much it means to me. It really helped me make friends and find out who I am, and got me out of a “what the heck is life for” mood when I got older and people turned dark. We have talked about college many times and how I should be a pharmacist like my sister, or a nurse, or do something with computers but they always end up as exploding screaming matches. I swear I try to stay calm but its very hard when they bring it up everyday. They never got to persue their dreams which I’m guessing is why they don’t want me too. But wouldn’t they want to support me? Honestly, I can’t remember a time when they supported me, even for things like sports. I am so passionate about performing, I just want them to see what their lack of support and unfollowed dreams might be doing to their child.

Love the article. My husband and I are going to buy some land and eventually move there and live very simply. We probably won’t be able to retire,but we can both work jobs and maybe even raise chickens and goats. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be mini farmers? But my friends, who do care deeply about my well being, think we are nuts. But this is my idea of heaven.

I really wonder why you named this particular article, “What to do when people won

Those darned naysayers… If I get one more ‘Don’t die in (insert country) ‘ or ‘(insert country) is dangerous’ comment I am going to scream.

Here in Brazil these naysayers are mutiplied by thousands. I just keep my mouth shut, as if my dream was the best golden secret. Maybe Einstein was talking about this when he said, maybe:

“If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z.
X is work.
Y is play.
Z is keep your mouth shut.”

Love your work – love the graphics – love the spirit of the work! Great stuff, Tim

Hmm, you know, everything is not always black and white, and before you put down people in such a general way for the purpose of selfishness alone, maybe you might consider the following, my own story.
I have been with my husband for 21 years. We both have had various dreams and most we have followed, even though there were risks. In the 21 years, I have belived the dreams and ideas my husband has had were worth pursuing, as well as most of my own. like partners we discussed them. I have moves around the country as well. Once we even took off for a year in an RV and just found jobs along the way. We have made plans and dreams, with some risk, to build a restaurant. However, saying to forget someone you love, who has loved you and always supported you in what you want to do, and say they do not matter all of a sudden because your happiness is the only happiness to worry about is quite narcissistic. My husband has always had a dream to go to space since young. Now he is 51 and has applied to the Mars One program that will leave in 10 years to colonize Mars. I am older by 10 years than him, and by that time we will have been together 31 years. The thing is it is a one way trip! Basically he is saying he will leave us in 10 years (we have a daughter). Not once in your article do you say anything other than think only of yourself, interesting concept, and if the whole world listened to this it would be a very sad world indeed. Personally, the part about “The psychology of an asshole” makes me go, wow YOU are one. By bringing up dangers of death, how they would be missed, does NOT mean all the stupid implications you listed. All you are doing here is re enforcing narcissistic behavior, and perhaps you are one as well and this gives you justification of it somehow. Some goals and dreams I agree should be purused, but some …maybe not, but at least those around you who love you should not be treated as you suggest. I found your article to be not well rounded, but then a narcissist would not even think of all sides I guess.

Torre, this is so true. Wherever you go and whatever you do, there will be people who claim that your dreams are impossible and wish to rip them down and wipe their boring, dirty feet all over them. They call themselves normal. If you were to sell flowers in aid of funding drug research to fight malicious diseases, they would point out that you are harming the environment for the benefit of human gain. Ignore these people, follow your dreams and take solace in the few yes people that you can find. Such as me finding this article written by you. I greatly appreciated it.

I like the way you think..
your words are really helpful.
i loved the illustrations as well.
also i like your photo too. not making a pass but
you seem to be so nice,smart and inteligent, cute smile.
i’d love to have a chat with you if it was possible
random conversation like. but i guess that won’t
ever happen. good luck with your job. a bear hug 4 u

I feel like my whole family is naysayers. I am currently trying to pursue my dreams! I mean I know this is what I am meant to do. I had an actual vision of it years before! I had wished my family would support me on this but I actualy live with my sister who actually has took the naysayer game to a whole nother level and told eeryone I was crazy and care too much about this stupid “thing” Im into. She did this before I even got to say anything so now they have prejudged and belieed in what she said. Now if Im working on my business, I get negative energy like “UhhhhhhhGGGG! shes doing that again!” It sucks because I live with her and so its hard to put myself all they way into my work when I come home to someone like that. I dont have the money to move out yet and I Need to get a rush on what Im doing. You guys have any advice?

i really want to be an actress and singer, but my whole family doesnt want me to be it. i ask my mom if i could audition for something she goes on and on about that its not gonna happen she WONT let me.Any advice on what to do?

i think that i have a lot of normal boring people around me and they’d rather have a boring structured job like an accountant or a realistate agent, but for me i dream big and get shot down all the time. it makes me just want to cry because my dreams consist of modeling or being a pro motocross racer simply because i think it would be a fun job with obsticles. i dont know why my parents wont let me race dirtbikes? i obviously know the risks and dont mind them i just feel stuck in a rut constently. Even though im a sophomore in high school.

Hi, really just perfectly describes my family, im good at guitar, and have a talent at it, but my family refuse to support me in it, they say that i wont make it, but this has made me believ i can achieve that 😉 Thankyou

My Father the Naysayer

Usually I sit their and let him rule my life because of him I have lost a number of close friends. Been in hardcore depression. Got married to the man of HIS dreams and now am a divorcee at a young age of father. I was forced to leave my home country to live in a different country with my extended family for 3 years as I settled in their I was forced to move back to my birth town then forced to marriage. After I had enough I divorced and decided to live life my way I followed my dream of becoming a model/actor 6 months down the line I have 3 major assignments struggling models would die for now my father says if I carry on with this career he will stop talking to me. I’m not giving up my career because he’s childish. But is it wrong to lose my father over passion and desire to become a actor ? I mean the way I see it is if he’s happy enough to stop talking to me over that then he doesn’t deserve me around him. He’s fucked my life up before I forgave him. Do I need to go through this again?

i have ma dreams..but ppl i love holds me back…m stuck

YES! My so called friends ended up being the worse ..I reached out to inform them of me finally crossing in to my new profession and finding a network that would and could throw me into my dream occupation and of course change my life…….and they just dropped off the face of the earth, no response to phone calls, emails ..nothing when I said I finally am moving and will be in the mix…..they Vanished …
Advice: If your friends of no matter how many years don’t have positive uplifting go get it brother or sister attitudes for your new found success …then they probably really are not friends…they are jealous and insecure individuals who really just are alone in misery cause they never set there goals and really went all the way..
Sorry this is so long
BUT KEEP DREAMING, LIFE IS SHORT, LIVE< LOVE< AND CREATE…never look back………

Such a great concept and probably why we advance so slowly as a spiecies its because at least half of people have this fear of what what will happen if they change. Sometimes it’s really difficult because you can be seriously connected to a naysayer like your life partner or parent of your children,

what annoys me the most is when you have to argue and argue with your partner to do things differently but when you ask them to make a decision they won’t’

I’m over people that won’t support me that want me to do things that makes them feel safe

Really nice article.
You are correct, assholes are every where….
we need to sharpen our swords to nay slashing…

If i listen to nay sayers, my dreams can’t be fulfilled!

Ummm…..you are pure awesomeness. Thanks for this~

Thanks for this wondeful words of encouragement.

My whole family belongs to that naysayer category 🙁

When I was 15, I decided I wanted to play guitar and sing. The bands and singers I admired planted that dream in my heart. One day, my father asked me what I wanted to be. I told him. This look of puzzled disgust wash over his face kind of slowly as he was considering what I just said, and then he said “You’re dreaming. Get your head out of the clouds. Come back down to Earth.” His tone of voice was so incredulous. I couldn’t believe it! This coming from the same man who when I was 8 told me that I could be anything i wanted to be! What the hell happened in just 7 years to change his mind?! in years proceeding that fiasco, he would tell me that he had never heard me sing and so he didn’t know if I could! So I would never make it! What’s twisted about that remark is that once I did sing for him a line or two (I was afraid), and then he told me I wasn’t doing it right! He said ‘sing like this.’ But he was singing several octaves above his normal voice and that would cause him to strain. There were other people who also discouraged me by laughing so hard I thought they would bust a gut, and saying things like ‘I think you’d better find something else to do’ and ‘It’s a million to one shot.’ But my father was the main one that really hurt me. Now I’m thinking of giving up my song lyric writing forever. By the way, he died of lung cancer in 1996, so he’s no longer around to crush the hell out of my dreams. But I’m still traumatized. He also did and said a lot of other horrible things, so many, I could write a book. How do you get over being crushed like a grape?

Yeah, I’m 30. I wanted to become a musician, I heard from some outer sources that I was not bad – but one thing crippled my life – poverty, my mom, dad, old pal – against me to make things nasty, not only by saying rude stuff but also by total IGNORANCE. No one cares I love western music, stupid Polish post-communist assholes. If I could only get out of my sick country and find some cool people one day, that would really become my friends. Yeah, and if I’d only have enough money to make it on my own. I hope many people in the world have more luck than I do.

Thank you for the inspiration. Your writing makes me happy and makes me laugh out loud. Down with the naysayer assholes!

I can’t stop laughing when you say “assholes” and “they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage”! This has lifted my spirits as I am putting a magazine together looking for contributors and need support and advice, someone to say “go for it, your doing well” and all I am getting is people ignoring me and everytime I try to talk about it they get very angry and dismissive I am at the point now where its time to cut this person off as with one hand they are acting like they are my friend and being helpful but as soon as I talk about my dreams and ask their opinion, they turn dark. I also have neighbours who don’t like me because they they can’t “bring me low”. They spend all their time trying to do things to make me feel low and intimidated and get extremely angry when it does not work. I notice that when they hear me talk positive on the telephone to people, when I laugh, when I dance around my home and sing I can feel their anger build and it got worse when they over heard me talk about my dreams which interupts my flow at times. I feel so alone as no one is supporting me and all I can do is encourage myself. If I’m down and unhappy, these people perk up and start acting like they are happy. So thanks for this, it has helped me a lot. If you are interested in writing for my magazine due to launch this year for inspirational women, let me know. Jan

I love this post! It speaks to me on so many levels. I’ve just discovered your blog and am thrilled to read about your publishing adventure (can’t wait to pick up the book as well!)

Your story makes me think what could have been if I hadn’t listened to naysayers 18 years ago when I was choosing law school over writing (“you will never make a living as a writer…” = poison). I am now fumbling my way through this new career choice but I am inspired by possibility and the stories of others who have turned a deaf ear to the the naysayers around them. So, thank you.

Thanks for this article. I loved it and honestly couldn’t have said it better myself. I started writing and drawing when I was very very young and was winning awards by the time I was 9years old, I had fantastic dreams and my mother in turn spent my entire life naysaying everything I aspired to. By the time I was 18 or less I had quit on my dreams and tried to follow things I believed would make her happy. Well, no guessing how that turned out!

Fortunately, I saw the light again but it took surviving cancer and losing everything I owned to see it and when I did I ran into it and basked in it’s familiar warmth. I finally saw her for what she is, a sad miserable woman who takes immense joy in building up hope and then smashing it. Her favourite sentence starter: “Yes but… ” is my most hated word combination.

I’m currently busying myself getting her set up in her own life (she ironically depends on me to take care of her). Once that task is settled I have plans in place for our paths to diverge once and for all and from that point on I shall spend my days pursuing all those things I ought to have done for the last 20 – 40 years, the gap depends on where a dream was lost en route to this point.

Thank You so much for this article. I have been in IT for the last 8 years, a career in which I truly felt was comparable to a prison sentence or a living hell. My soul was sucked dry every day, before IT, I was happy in radio, not making much money, but happy. Now I left It due to burn out and have decided to do voice acting. And the naysayers have come out in droves, even telling me to at least get a job in the film / tv industry first as a technician, ie: an IT related job. I say no, it will take my focus away from doing what I love. Again, Thank you for this boost that I needed.

My husband is a naysayer. After leaving my own country to live in his country it took me 10 years of shitty jobs, sickness and now finally I’m starting to get some recognition in in my field. My dream of studying after 20 years have being crushed.
He started wanting to work abroad on non permanent contract, “for the money ” he says. I’m not against moving but because of the finances is not possible to keep a house and we have to move every couple of years to a different place. I wouldn’t mind if we would have a home base but living from a luggage at this point in my life makes me sad. I wanted to do that when we were younger but his excuse was he didn’t had enough experience. Am I an egoist for not wanting to follow his dream and my dream? If we could move somewhere else where he could get a permanent job I could study and fulfill my own dreams. But he just wants to travel the world and I have to follow. Nice if we would have lots of money but he would be earning a bit more that now but I would be totally dependent on him which I don’t want. Am I an egoist?

Oh I love this post! Will have to share this as may people as possible :). And looking forward reading the book too! All the best, Miisa

Loved your post… Know the feeling of people trying to shape you into a mold that suits them, not even considering how you might feel about your own ideas.

Fits in so well with stay at home moms with a dream that knows they can do both but the world expects them (because of their choice to not follow a full-time career) to not have a life. My main mission in life is to make moms realize that you can have best of both worlds – just push a little harder…

I’ve had a burning desire to write a book but no one believes me – I don’t know how to get published even if i write it- so sometimes I wonder if they are right.

Thanks, the article was great, but my family won’t support me at all :[ I really don’t want to be a doctor but my mom always go on about how it’s “best for me” and stuff like that and if I even try to argue with her, she’d scold me immediately. I can’t talk it out with her :\

Thank you for this article! I’ve recently experienced a bit of a backlash from a couple of “close friends” who’ve kinda been a little stand offish about a new business venture i’m undertaking. The fact that I am passionate about it doesn’t seem to be enough to garner their support! I’m finding it hard to face them with no hard feelings because I truly am hurt. However, this has helped and I can get past it and continue building on my dreams. Thank you 🙂

Oh my god how could I ever thank you enough , damn my family members are all naysayers . Oh we’ll , nice artworks by the way 🙂

I’ve always had a problem with this and am especially feeling it right now with my parents. I am always doing what I think they want me to do every since I was a child, because I am too scared to disappoint them. I am now 19 and just graduated with my BA and I want to go teach in Korea for a couple of years. This is not my life goal, but it is a dream that I have had since I was 17. I’ve worked really hard in school and that is why I graduated at 19 and I really just want to live in Korea for three years, learn the language, eat some good Korean bbq, and teach English. But right now, out of fear, I am just trying to find a 9-5 job that pays “well” because I know that, that is what my parents expect me to do. I am going to apply for Korea, I at least made that decision, but I can sadly say that I am not happy. I am not happy that I have to hide this from my parents, I am not happy that I’m not happy because of I am so worried about my parents. I am so scared of failing and getting it thrown back in my face. I am so scared of the “well what are you going to do after?” I know what I WANT to do after Korea, but just because I want to do it, and i have a plan, doesn’t mean anything is going to happen. Anyways, this is my life.

Hey, I just read this and… I’m in a real confused state. I want to go meet my long distance boyfriend in his country, and he was supposed to come, but he has a hard family environment, I believe he tried, and monetarily speaking it would be easier for me to go there. But no one supports this. All my friends dislike him, and my best friend says it’s too dangerous and I don’t need this…
Am I wrong? I am scared of course, I would foolish not to be. But how can I tell which is real feeling? Thanks…

Does this go with any dream because I like to sing and want to do it one day as a career but I don’t understand, can you help me? I’m so confused

I find that what works best for me is to keep what is precious (including my dreams) to myself. Especially when those dreams are in the “embryo” stage. There really is no good reason why anyone to know what my plans are, and I have found that it is often MORE productive NOT to reveal them until the exact moment I need to, such as announcing my trip via a Tweet in the airport or open house for my business. Even then only those who need to know would be informed…. friends who would notice my absence if I suddenly stopped blogging on a trip to a third world country, road trip, or multi-day bike ride, for example) or my “business circle of influence” for the open house- relying on friends and family to support a business is often a mistake. Any thoughts on this?

My G.F is a naysayer. Especially in her cycle. She becomes totally unsupportive of my business plan and is throwing on me all of her fears about not having money at all…
Very sad. She has been rased with the idea of this everage person, having a job and salary. Hard to change it :(:(:( And it makes me very sad too

This is fabulous, really lifted my mood. My mum was telling me, “you should do something with art, or writing,” then added on the end, “And MAYBE music”.
We got into an argument because she knows how much I want to be a guitarist but she makes me feel like I’m not good enough. She just says “It’s not a promising job, you’ll make no money.” Blah blah blah. But thank you for this! It’s great and really funny! Thanks, NS.

I’m 15 and I have the dream to establish a Horse Rescue & Rehabilitation Center. But every time I bring up something about horses to my parents, all they say is, “yea, you know how much that costs?” “you do know that that takes time and actual effort, right?” “you’re too young” and other crap like that. Then, thinking my friends will understand they say the same things. I feel like there’s nowhere I can go to gain support, because my dream will come true, with or without those assholes. Though it would be nice to have them with me as I accomplish my dream… But as I said, they’re not important in the final equation.

Thanks for this. My parents are both naysaying against my dream of being a concert pianist, despite the fact that I can play intermediate-level pieces and I’m a beginner who hasn’t even played for a year. They say SO often, “You won’t make any money” and “music is supposed to be a hobby.” And it hurts so much, but this has given me a lot more confidence.

I am so glad I read this today. I have always wanted to learn to fly a plane. Over the past few years, I have been telling my wife that I feel we can put some money aside to enable pursue my dream. I work hard and have even had to put up with some crappy work-places. Finally we have built a house, bought a farm (so that my wife can pursue her dream of farming), got our 2 daughters into good school etc. But when I mention my passion for flying, my wife goes into interrogative mode – you want to become a pilot? eh? Then what? Basically, I can see the disbelief in her eyes and the mockery dripping from her words. So today, I read this article and you know what? I love my wife and she is entitled to her opinion…but screw her naysaying. I am standing for my dream, will pursue it and will be back to post here when I do it!

Torre, I recently had three of my bestfriends totally talk complete crap on my on twitter in front of the whole school. But I had to brush it off . This post is what really really helped me get through this. My dream is to be a rapper and Ilast year I was horrible put out an embaresing and horrible mixtape but now I’m working on a new one I’m preforming in 4 different states a nd preforming on an Italian cruise. I have gotten a lot more positive attention twords my music because I don’t let the negative effect my life and only emit positive vibes. This helps so much. Your the one who makes and controls your life not anyone else. Don’t let anyone or anything get you down just because you “awful” and “suck” I know now I have gotten better and obviously am going somewhere because I’m getting payed for my dream at 17 and goig around the world to preform thanks so much torre you helped a ton!!

I’m about to receive my psychology diploma, but I couldn’t do a better analysis of my family! I’m about to move out and not even in hell will I ever move back in. I’ll send them a postcard by the time I’m 50, showing the prettiest vegetable garden they’ve ever seen. Indeed, they even don’t believe I could grow vegetables -_-

Hi Torre, this article is the truth! I recently had a conversation with my brother about haters, assholes and negative people (family and friends)! I told him it took me awhile to know who was there for me and who was not! As I got older and maturer, the true self of my “so-called” friends began to show! They talked negatively about me and one person went as low as spreading rumors about me! Instead of investing in drama, I gave them the silent treatment and continued on with my life 🙂

This is so true! Planning to quit our jobs and travel the world in 6 months and when I get excited and share our plans all I hear is.. ‘what are you going to do for money’ and ‘what are you going to do when you come back’. I am learning the beauty of the give a fuck switch 🙂

I just had this experience. It was ver hurtful to say the least. I just read this blog posting and was inspired to get back up in the saddle. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your book and your blog. You have inspired me to forge ahead with my dreams despite the naysayers. Thank you!

hahaha yup halfway sharpening my swords now 😛 Naysayers, it’s “Nayslaying Time!”

Anyways, this article is simple yet entertaining, straight to the point. (That’s what good illustrators do 😉 ) Loved the “Naysayers Brain” design. Now I can understand them better.

This article was great! And it was right on point, I mean, dead on. But, I really came here because my mother doesn’t really support me wanting so bad to be an actress. She matters to me more than anything and I can only assume she wants the “best” for me. I should add that I am a 15 yearold female with my future on my mind every single day. I haven’t had a conversation about my dream with her yet; Moreso, because I’m a little nervous about what she’d say. Aha! My mother’s nice, really! It’s just, I don’t know how to approach the situation. I guess what I’m asking is: How should I tell my mother, whom I respect and love, that I am going to become an actress and still stay in my lane as her teenage daughter? I desperately need some realistic input. I appreciate it! Thanks

Fantastic quote! We all have at least one asshole in our life-bless their little hearts.
Nomadic Samuel – Love the thought of self-actualization through the independence and freedom from care of others opinions. This is really important for all people to accomplish, especially young adults.

Reading this made me feel much better. In my particular case, the a**hole is my stepdad, who takes every opportunity to put me down with sarcastic, negative comments. What sucks is that I can’t get away from him because I’m only 18 and still living at home, and I can’t leave till I’ve finished my college course and got a place at University. I’m hoping to become a graphic artist, but according to my stepdad, artists are sad, lonely and lazy weirdos who sit on their butts all day drawing silly pictures because they can’t get a ‘proper job’. There’s nothing more irritating than trying to do homework with him hovering over me telling me that I’m a sad, antisocial kid who’s going to fail in life. Funny thing is, he never finished school because he left for a job, has no qualifications because apparently ‘a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything’ and has been redundant for the past 8 years. I feel like saying to him sometimes, just because you’ve failed in life, doesn’t mean that you have to try and make me fail too, just to make yourself feel better. Because I’m better than that, and I don’t put people down.

Hi, I wanted to ask your advice about a situation. I have always supported my husbands dreams even when it burdened our relationship and finances. After the last time a venture didn’t work out as planned I found myself a bit worn out after dealing with numerous failed projects that impacted our family for the last 10 years. It seemed he calmed down and we had peace and yes some much needed normalcy, a break, but now there’s another venture. I don’t want to crush his
dreams or be a naysayer, but I don’t think I can go through this again. Your thoughts?

When I bought my little sailboat for 2K on Ebay and anchored it near my parent’s house, Dad flipped out and said it would likely ruin our relationship. He doesn’t like sailing and lives in a sailing family. He’s had to come out with the Coast Guard to tow us home, or had to listen to us when our phones and engines went out and had no idea how to help, and while he often has been a big help, I just went ahead with my plan.
I told him me having a boat there would give us more chances to be together and that it wouldn’t cost him anything. I wasn’t going to mooch off of him while I worked on my boat.
It all worked out and that boat and I have sailed over 8ooo miles with no engine and have had over 60 crew who wear mostly smiles!

amazing … today I was feeling so down because the “naysayers” just learn the word … I started my own small and the work kind of slow and every one is like go back yo dubai get an real job you cant do that but its my dream a I keep believe ing

the problem in my situation is the naysayer is an much older person or relative and the most comments is like you are so luck you find such job … even thiw I have 8 years real experience in turkey , saudi Arabia , dubai , Jordan … but they still put me down wow you get that salary you lucky , wow you get to do project for big spa you lucky , its very annoying very hard on me I spen every minute read , plan , in metro , lunch , I have plan since 2004 till 2024 a 20 years life goal , after that when I see no one support or know what I am doing , other than this ignore my hard work and consider it luck … its very hurtful … and as a told you the naysayer is a older relative in modt cases or some older coworker …

A breath of fresh “AH!” minus the coke…best wishes to you and your book dreams; the blog is inspiring and the righteous vibe of personality makes me want to purchase the new flipper…be safe and stay down to earth, you know this is gonna be a movie…lol

Thanks this really helped but if I need to cut off the relationship with a unsupportive person and I can’t cause it’s my parents what do I do in the case?

What if your parents say ” you’re so embarrassing stop doing doing stuff ” should I still ignore it ?

Hi,
Nice article and view points. What is your opinion about a conversation I’m having with my son who had a dream to “move to New York and go to NYU”. I think it sounds great, and I’m really all for it, but I can’t put up to $82,000 per year to pay for one of the top private universities in the USA.
I don’t want to be “an asshole” but every piece of financial advice from anyone with 1/2 a brain says not to break to bank sending Jr. to this university.
Any advice?
Thanks

Thank you for this very good article! I’ve realized that what I want to do is become an actor and alot of people are very supportive. But then their is my dad. I have used to be afraid to try new things and be different but things have changed. I want to be different! This article helped lift my spirits and morale and I thank you! Hopefully one day I can be on TV maybe? I’m 15. 🙂

Torre,
I have just started reading your book and I was so excited when I found this blog as it is such a breath of fresh air and is making me feel completely sane.
I have always encounted the comments my entire life ” So what are you doing now?” ( In a negative tone) from the naysayers, and if you are not careful they can squash your enthusiasm and desire to live an inspirational, creative life.
I do not want to live the practical life that so many people chose to live. So together us non naysayers need to band together so we can all live our true authentic life, what ever that may be..
You have inspired me to face the comments again “So what are you doing now?”, I havent heard them for a while, time to spice things up again.

I stumbled on your blog today and I am SO glad that I did! My husband and I are quitting our jobs to follow our dreams and it has been so hard to stay focused on your dream when people tell you that you are going to fail. So many good quotes that I just want to stick up on my wall now. One of my personal favorites is “but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.” So true! Thank you again so much for your inspiring words and for putting the happiness back in my sandwich.

This piece has been very helpful in giving me advice on how to handle my father since he believes I will never met my goals.

Hi, I’m 12…(Don’t get too ahead of yourself…) and I’m trying to get a headstart on a career, YouTube, of course not full time, no, but alongside chemical engineering…(your probably thinking: Crap! Another little kid who likes to dream about the his future!) No not at all, I’m in T.A.G. and in a couple programs for that kind of stuff. My parent thing I need to get a life and that it’s a lot more than video games and simulators… to them. If I could get a reply to this, it would make me happy to know that somebody understands my feelings and passion, in the mean time I’ll have a heart felt conversation with my father. (Because my step-mother hates me.) Thank you for your time. 🙂

I randomly found this page through google and I’m so happy I did. I’m about to enter my senior year of high school, and the topic of college is always popping into conversation. I’e always had my heart set on leaving the state of New York and attending university in London. Some support my wishes, others laugh as if I’m crazy for even thinking about it. No one in my family will take me seriously. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and go for what I want. 🙂 I will be applying to five UK universities this fall.

Torre — you hit the nail on the head for me, and I totally love your article and message. It reminds me of people telling me I’m “too sensitive” and later I think, “perhaps you are too insensitive….” Anyway, I loved all the comments, but this “naysaying” can also happen after you and your spouse have had a child and you find out THEN that while you love each other, you really don’t necessarily have the same idea of parenting (not sharing, but parenting styles). Unfortunately, the “naysaying” may be just directed at you (spouse) and knowing how hard plain parenting can be, I don’t think it’s possible to live with a naysayer, keep your sanity, help your child and function as a normal person.

But! For all the other stuff, I’m with ya! Thank you so much for a wonderful way to think about things.

Great article & graphics.
I’m came upon this article because I am just coming to terms with the fact that I am a naysayer. And I don’t like it. I’ve done and said pretty much everything you mentioned. In the past I would say “this is who I am, deal with it.”Recently I’ve realised I’m wrong. I don’t like who I’ve become, who wants to be around a party-pooper? No one, that’s who. I feel I used to be a positive go-after-your-dreams type person. I chased my dreams, had fun doing it, and then failed, or gave up and now I think I live in fear. Fear of mediocrity. Fear of being alone.

How can I change? What am I to do?

Thank you for this article! It gave me a good chuckle and lifted my spirits. I’m still dealing now as an adult with all the naysayer brainwashing over the years. I know better not to talk about my dreams or even my interests. My inner self is my highest support and guide. Interesting, as children, I think we all have that drive to believe that anything is possible. Then as we get older, our self-esteem gets whittled away. I think the key is remembering that freedom as children. Adults, families, teachers, etc. can be stuck in their own contracted worlds. I try to avoid the limiting beliefs as much as I can. I’m at the point of doing daily positive self-reprogramming. It’s their stuff, not mine. As the youngest in the family, I’ve decided that I’m not out to please anyone or prove anything. I think having expectations that certain people would react they way I hope just gets frustrating. Their opinions are their own and it’s a waste of energy to change anyone. I believe that if you really want something, the people and experiences will arrange at the right time to give you the support you need.

Hi Torre DeRoche,

Just by chance, Google sent me to this great article, and for both of you I am thankful.

I am a dreamer too and I recently distanced myself greatly from one of my best friends who I discovered to be a naysayer, BIG TIME.. I willing and I can even more with him if he continue his negativity with me again.. However, my parents are non-supportor too, even behaving in a negative way, but I simply can’t apply the same rule here with them, atleast not with the same power and strength as I did with my friend.

Please advise.
Thanks. I added this to my favorites 🙂

thank you for this article! I know it was written a few years ago, but i randomly found by chance and good timing!

thnx for sharing this superb web-site.

I came here looking for advice and got it so thank you. To those who are experiencing this, my sympathies. My personal story (a very short version) is that I refuse to live the life my mother wants me to live. Her plan was: go to college get a useful degree, participate in college life (i.e. basketball) and make lifelong friendships, get a 9-5 job, marry and give her grandchildren. I hated college, refuse to go back, have no friendships from my 5 arduous years, never found her idea of good employment, got married then divorced and never want(ed) kids. My dream is simple but makes me happy: to be a lifeguard and she thinks swimming, lifeguarding, everything about it is stupid. She’s just deadset on me going back and getting a teaching degree in Spanish. Even then I tell her that it’d be PE, not Spanish which starts her and my brother on a PE teacher-bashing conversation. I have walked my own path for years without her professional support so I guess when I register for a lifeguard class this Tuesday, I’m going to read this and surround myself with the plethora of people who DO support me at the gym where I have been offered work. My advice: cry your tears in private so that they can’t prey on you for that too, and then build yourself up. Its not their support which will make you achieve your dreams but your determination and motivation. Find a support group if you need.

Yes!!! You’ve just described my entire family and about 99% of the people I talk to on a daily basis!! It’s like everyone assumes I’m an idiot with no common sense at all whatsoever! I’m very much the creative type and get close to 20 off the wall ideas a day. Most are whimsical and impractical, but some are pretty cool. With some tweaking, they’re very plausible with some work and time. However whenever I get excited about one of these ideas and share, everyone I talk to assumes I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s as if they assume I assume the best case scenario is the only out come and I’ll achieve this outcome by tomorrow wasting time and money I don’t have in the process. Something I may have done once in 8th grade. I’m 34 now. I can’t tell anyone anything. If they find out I’m doing something not pre-approved, I’m stopped before I “screw up my entire life.” Just picking my own cell phone provider was considered scandalous to my family. Right now the big problem is I’m not married, so unwanted advice is flying around about what I need to change about myself to earn a husband so I can be happy. I don’t get it either. Moving out of Toledo Ohio as far away from my loving family as I can and starting over will make me very happy, but I was tricked into staying and now I’m stuck and under surveillance.

Anyway I loved your article! I know exactly how you feel! How do you deal when you’re completely surrounded by assholes to the point of paralysis?

Wow,

Here we go. For one its nice to see a soul mate out there across the world Down Unda! Mate. I just got home from performing my music in the wine country of Paso Robles, Ca. I have been playing my 12 string and 6 string guitar and singing Clapton,Pink Floyd and every classic monster to Johnny Cash and my own music since 1991. I am the real deal, a troubadour to the nth degree. Its my life and i have had to give up MY WIFE, MY LIFE , AND FAMILY. FOR MY DREAM TO PURSUE .

Great points made , we need writers like yourself to cut through all the bull shit and denial from of all people .YOUR BLOOD.

Keep Blogging great talent you have

my whole point, ive been following my dream my brothers never have come down to watch me perform in some of the most amazing venues. Castles. to the best wineries,resorts,resaurants in the world from Hearst Castle, playing for the USO for our troops,Elton Johns writer , to playing at the same place as world class guitarist , on and on. 6 yrs my corporate smuthers brothers asked me. Mike do you want to be really doing this in your 70’s. Fuuuuuuuuck yes.

Omg I’m going through this VERY THING this SECOND… my husband, son mum and dad are ALL NAYSAYERS I have NO ONE SANE TO TALK TO…. I just got offered a chance of a life time to do my dream as an event promoter its huge and I want sooooo bad to do it, as it is for a charity it doesn’t pay, it’d be purely for the experience. I also have another job which isn’t paying very well at the moment but it will pick up, I feel I can do both as both are part time…. But my husband won’t allow me to even try. I’m 52 and I have supported him in VE WILD idea but he smashes ALL my dreams!!!!!! I am sick to the stomach thinking.of saying either yes or no. I can’t stop feel panicky I des want to do it, but it requires me to be full of confidence which I am naturally.. the job is made for me as through my life I have done bits and barbs already. He just loves telling me I’ve failed everything so far I done, and yes I have given things a go, no regrets but I keep trying…. I’ve.never had an opportunity like this one….. Flip me I still justifing it even to a bog ha ha ha fear WILL KILL ME I can feel it making me sick but I don’t know how to go agains…t HIM

Hello I’m 24 married with three children they are in full time school.i started a family at a very young age and I have grown into a adult and wanting more out off life more then being in my job I don’t like to provide for my family I have recently spoke to my husband about going to college to do hair dressing so I can do a job I love but he has said if I do it then he is going to leave me he don’t want me going I have tried to explain that I’m doing it to be happy in life if I’m happy my family will benefit and I will rub that off on them what do I do I’m scared I really want to better my self and support my family in a job I love please help thank you x Nikki x

Thanks for writing this. I was just naybashed today and needed to read something wise and positive. Bookmarking…

What if my nayslayer is my wife an we have a baby, my dream is a little costly and she believes its a waste of money, but i would love to pursue it, its my biggest dream.

What if it’s my parents ?

hi Torrie..just stumbled across this whilst trying to see if there were people out there feeling like i do…and you have just proved it!!

i am a musician and have been following my dream since i was 16 and i’m 30 now and had some bouts of success but never achieved my ultimate goal as yet.
Ive been with my partner 11 years and in 2011 we had a baby and in 2012 i quit my day job in a shop, with advice from my band manager, to follow my dream when my band had some label interest etc.
Band fell apart due to other members lack of commitment and our manager passed away. So now i am faced with a new band project which is already turning heads, but am forever getting negative vibes from my partner about “quitting now because im too old”, “get a job like normal people”, “im putting our family under strain” etc etc etc…..i work part time when i can but money isnt rolling in.
i guess this is a decision i need to think out myself and i’ve tried to talk to her, but she just can not understand my passion and drive to achieve what i set out to do when i first picked up a guitar.

But your blog was a great read and makes me feel a little better. 🙂
Do you have any advice?

When I hear people make fun of others people’s dreams I want to say to them “everyone has dreams”. I always think of people who used to make fun of me because I wanted to go to college. I did go and I graduated. You just have to block people out who don’t have your best interests at heart.

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Thanks for the good comments and they are so true, I have a hard one with my partner, I worked at a remote location for 5 yrs and went there single, after 5 yrs I left and went to a better roster and more time off and then met my wife, I worked at the 2nd location for 3 yrs then returned to my hometown for the birth of our son, and due to the current low job availability I took a job below my experience and large income drop. 3 months have passed and as I worked hard at the first location they have offered me a job again, I have a couple of ex partners there and had no bitter ending, but my wife now refuses we go there as she does not want to hear about my past there and ex partners. She even threatened to leave me, I did betray her when we dated as things were not moving along and some doubt kcrept in, so now my wife would rather us on low income crap job that take the good job, I feel I want to take it to better our future but she is in meltdown now and won’t talk. I feel as the husband I should take charge and steer the family in a better financial direction and I would feel proud to do it, I think my wife is a naysayer, if anyone has a comment please do.

awesome article glad I found your blog 🙂 the worst of he naysayers can be the people closest to you, and even your parents (even though they mean well) people always tell you ‘things are hard’, ‘what are you going to be left with if you stop your day job’, ‘keep that as a hobby’, ‘your just not ready yet’, ‘be realistic’, so easy to fall into the trap of believing their words and giving up I think if you don’t detach and look at whats happening, the truth behind that persons words; it’s their truth not yours

ps I love the illustrations 🙂

A am a cutting off a friend soon, he brings down my dreams and he is a naysayer.

This describes some of my family members to a tee especially my dad and sister. I mentioned a great idea to them that I would want to do in my spare time such as doing pin up photography and both didn’t like the idea and was told to do something with my life instead of doing fun photo shoots. I try to do the less is more approach with them because the less I tell them, the less I have to face backlash from them, but if I tell them more I get more backlash than any sane person can handle. My career path is changing again going into my fifth college program with the hopes of landing a career upon graduation. I am hesitant to tell my dad because of the possible backlash I would receive. He pretty much wants me to do something I am not interested in doing and be someone I am not. He talked me out of following through my childhood dream of being a hairstylist and I don’t do that anymore because of other reasons, tried to change my mind about teaching then I realized there are no jobs and with the current choice of pharmacy technician, he will try and talk me out of that too, but this time I won’t fall to the traps again. I will do what I want, when I want and how I want without people stopping me in my tracks to stop me. I want to be able to give something to my children in the future something I never had which was a secure, safe, stable life. I’ve experienced naybashing throughout my entire life and now that 30 is creeping up to me, I am frankly sick of it and want to live my life the way I want too.

Hi Torre .

I like your articel and I have myself experience from this negative verbal attacking from people around me. But often is this people who has no drive themself and are jelous that other people actuelly has ambitions to go for their dreams.This kind of people cant stand that people will be successful. I started a company with two empty hands and are fighting myself forward with small steps. To be an entreprenour is a tough life but also a very intresting & adventoures life. You feel alive and are learning new things every day. Its like a rollercoaster. I compere it with a marathon race who will never end. But I feel alive and I know that you will reach your goal if you just keep on pushing forward.People can say & think whatever they want. But I will still belive in myself , goals & visions.

I support my child’s big plan to become a doctor and would like her to pursue it because……….

You can surely paint a picture! I absolutely loved this article! Thanks for the very good advice! and screw the assholes out there!!!

Great read! Question? You said to cut off relationships that are toxic to your dremas. What if that toxic person is my wife? Never, ever has she been supportive of anything I want to do outside of bringing home a pay check. I wanted to be a personal trainer, her answer? You can’t. Wanted to volunteer Firefighter? You really wanna do that? You can’t.

How can I be all that I can be when the one person I am suppose to count on having my back is the first person to tear me down?

Hi, I just found this post; Will you marry me?

🙂

Thank you so very much for over-sharing this.

Hi Torre DeRoche,

I am currently trying to convince my dad to let me do graphic design and choose that as my career but he won’t let me. He thinks its useless and I won’t reach anywhere with it. I’m currently in my last year of school going to college and picking courses and he is limiting my choices. I want to either reach my dream of playing football professionally or becoming a design director working at an agency. He just won’t let me. What should I do. I can’t talk to him because every time I do he will turn it into an argument and shout at me. Please help me by either replying to this or emailing me a response to this.

I’m a father of two young kids and I am planning to leave my job to start my own business. My parents are against the idea and I suspect are going to cut me off. I’ve tried communicating with my father but he does not want to say much to me. I am still going to start my own business and am learning to IGNORE. Not easy but it is something I need to learn to do.

Thanks Torre!
Coming here was the best ego boost ever.
Having a partner who is crushing my dream because it has taking 1.5 years so far.
I’m so close to getting it I can taste it now. But I have hit a wall and not sure what to do next to complete it. I’ve had a rough ride this past year and a half finncially but still willing to fight to get there. Not getting support from the one person who means alot to you hurts bad. Your right! He is stuck where he is at in life and thinks you should have dreams. He thinks people should do something that makes big money even if you don’t like it.

Thanks again! 🙂

Such a wonderful article , got my hopes up and drawn a smile on my face 🙂
Im going to succeed and prove everyone wrong that i can accomplish the impossible and reach my dreams.

so glad i found your website..just started a career in the insurance sales line and i hate how all my friends are putting me down! ill live on and pursue my dreams! thanks! they can be the ones leading a normal boring life…

Thanks for your post!! I have sooo many ideas that my husband NEVERRRR thinks anything of…I feel like he doesn’t believe in me or he doesn’t think I can pull anything off…I wanted to rip up my yard where nobody uses it for a pumpkin patch, then make some money selling them…..NOOOOO…they won’t grow, they need weeded, blah, blah, blah…I want a fence up to keep my very nosy neighbor away…NOOO..we would hurt his feelings…I want to sell second hand items in a garage nobody uses…NOOOO…that takes an expert who knows what they are doing…These aren’t great accomplishments that can only be done by a skilled expert! It just doesn’t matter what I suggest, he has a reason why it’s a bad idea! On the other hand, he tells me he wants me to be happy and I can do whatever I want!! Huh??? :/

Hi i’m only 11 but i tell my family i want to become a singer , fashion designer or writer but they wouldn’t support me, my mum said to me ‘if you decide to do that get out of my house and tell me when you grow up’. I really don’t get it most of my cousins do Karate, Swimming and Gymnastics and everyone says they can do it, and i said i want to do it they say NOOO! I agree with you some people can piss in your party hat they just don’t believe in me it makes me really upset :'(.
Please give me some advice I just can’t believe this generation, just please :'(
From
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I plan to commit suicide .What I want to do is something I have done in the past and see the opportunity to do it again I was very successful at it the 1st time and they no it . They argue,take my hope and dreams away,don’t think I can do anything right since I was cleaned out in divorce and that wasn’t my fault & they know I’m not being selfish, They just want have to listen to me again.

thanks for this. my mom is a naysayer and when I told her I wanted to be a tattoo artist she said she would do everything in her power to keep that from happening then said if I pursued it she would kick me out of the house.

This really made me smile – today my 16 year old student had her poems published, and I, after 10 years of forced silence, this year finally brought my music back from a long sleep – not for glory, not for money, but for me..for life… I listened to an army of nay sayers.. I’ve lived and worked in 14 countries.. because I wanted to see the world as much as I could…. and still do…..no, it’s not normal, keep your normal…. you can be sure I’m living mine everyday and will embrace yours with my last breathe… because …’everything (as Pablo said) you can imagine is real.’…. it’s just some of us lose our imagination in the fog of other people’s realities.. dream on.. dream on..

This is the best post ever on nay-sayers. I’m going through this right now and you it really helped me and inspired me! Thank you!!!!

As someone who has been on both sides of the fence, I think it’s important that we hold ourselves accountable and watch that we TOO are not, unwittingly, naysayers. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are speaking our fears out-loud and that as we do that, we may be causing a person’s fragile dream to POOF disappear. I’m much better today. I have had so many people be “concerned” for me that I have vowed to never ever act like that: skeptical, negative, worried.

The easiest thing to brush off is discouragement from people you’re not close to. But people that you really care about, like family, best friends, and lovers, it’s VERY hard to not take their advice to heart. These are the ones who can make or break a dream, and they don’t even know it! I have family members who say that they will support me and my crazy dreams, but then, as soon as I go out and do it, they send me article after article about the markets crashing, horrible news, bad consumer reports. I just don’t get them.

I fell in love with a Surfer this summer. He loved me too and wanted to leave his wife for me. I fell afraid , my friends where really unsupporting And I left The Island where we where planning to leave both. Now I am back in my home city, gainned a lot of weight And feelling really miserable because he said bye bye to me.

Can i get him back. please say yes, he is a dream become real. Love Laura

Thank you. It helps me. Well my dreams is i want to be a singer. My passion is music. I love to sing very much. I am singer at my school. I want people inspired by my song. I want to inspire people. But the thing is my parent is my naysayers. they are very strict in religion. they know i have the talent because they know Im singer at my school. Due to the religion. They wont let me be a real singer. My wildest dream is i want to stand on stage singing with my voice and all the dancers and fireworks. So how to overcome my naysayers??

Ever since I was around 3 years old my Grandpa told me that all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was an actress, I am 13 now, and it’s still all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life. I want to be on broadway, it’s all I want. I’ve acted in a play and a musical. Everyone tells me I’m a good actress, my vocal teacher, my theatre teacher at school, my god sister, random parents that have seen me in shows, but my mom says you don’t want to do broadway, it’s a dying thing and that show tunes drive everyone insane, she says that it’s a stupid idea. But I have a feeling I know why she’s like this, she always wanted to be a country music artist but she never had the opportunity, and she’s stage fright, she knows I’m not and all she wants me to be is a country music artist, I can’t stand country music though, I honestly can’t. It makes me mad because she used to tell me you can be anything you want when you grow up. Well, I guess not.

First of all I have to say that I love the quote at the beginning. Making sure you are not surrounded by assholes is indeed crucial for following your dreams…BUT…in my experience also the people who love you, your friends, your parents and other family members will try to talk you out of a dream, at least when that dream differs from the normal socially accepted norm.

They will say it is too dangerous, too insecure and that you should stop dreaming of things that are impossible. Of course there are a few people who support you and tell you that you should go for it but in my experience that are people who already accomplished a similar thing you want to accomplish or they know somebody who did that. In other words, they know that it is doable and not unrealistic.

the other people who want to hold you back are most of the time just worried, don’t think outside of the box and trapped in the socially conditioned box called: “9to5 job till you die”.

The article is very insightful and funny as i couldn’t stop laughing all the way through reading it. I experienced two big naysayers in my life at two important stages in My life. The firstwas came from my closest friend who suggested that i should leave my under-graduate studies at a time when i was not taking my studies very serious as i was going through difficult moments and i admit that but leaving my studies was the worst decision i could ever make in my life as am graduate now as they say something is better than nothing.To explain further having a dgeree with lower grade and more time is better than having none. The second was my father when i told him i wanna further my studies and informed that a friend of mine want to sponsor me then he replied do you believe him?.. then i said yes so i went ahead and proved that i was determined to reach my dreams no matter how short i was in terms of resources. I can say naybashers can be anywhere even ur family or ur wife but Never ur Mother wil be on she always encourages you..

This is great. when ever I gave something a go as a kid and it wasn’t perfect, say I wrote a poem or painted a picture, and like a kid does its not perfect just a first try. My mum an dad would say ‘ow well at least you tried’ and expect me to give up right then and there ‘some people just aren’t naturally talented’ I’ve heard that one before. Even as an adult now, when I actually do make a living off my dreams, I’m surround by negative people, ‘Its just not very good’ ‘you should be embarrassed by showing that to people’ – the latest support from my parents. Its best not to botehr with the negative people.

This is a great article..i thought i was depressed, but I am surrounded by asshole naysayers!!! Thank u!!!

Wow. Well said. There are many pricks and naybashers in my life. I love this expression: how does your heart feel? Stomped on? Okay, you’ve been naybashed. Wow. Giving it a name legitimizes the experience. One cannot just assume that people around you want you to soar – maybe soaring conflicts with their expectations, or, I dunno. Doesn’t matter why. What I need is to soar. And evidently, to be the #1 believer in myself. Today? No problem. Three weeks form now in a grind? Hmm…that’s what really scares me – in moments of lucidity, I know what I want. Three weeks later, in the grind and meeting the kid’s needs…yeah, by then, lucidity is long gone.

I guess I’m hoping for some advice on keeping my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground. Torre? Readers? Please share!

Thank you for your encouragement. I have had an X and a court room tell me I should move back to (state) and get work inline with my previous but I refused and am following my dreams. I have since dumped by bf cause he was all about $$$ and not me following my dream. I am in school for a few years to b certified and to finish my BA so am on a small budget. I have taken stock of how I have attracted those kinds of ppl n have done spring cleaning on my inner circle. Great article keep writing!!!!

This is a great article. I just recently pulled my life together – graduated college, got an excellent job with a great company, started eating well and working out, taught myself to cook… but for some reason my self-esteem was going through the floor. I went to counselling trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and the therapist told me straight up – nothing. She got me to take a look at the relationships I’ve surrounded myself with, especially with my boyfriend.

I think I didn’t want to believe her that he was the problem, but after doing some research on my own and listening to my gut, I’ve come to the realization that my boyfriend is a naysaying asshole. His career and social life aren’t going as well for him, and I think he’s taking it out on me. He’s been discouraging me from going to the gym, taking new classes, telling me my job isn’t that great and I should look for another, picking apart the food I make, telling me I have to cancel all my plans to travel. Those are the biggest things – sometimes he’s an asshole by omission. I can’t even remember the last nice thing he said about me, my career, my ambitions or dreams I’ve shared with him.

I’m not sure what my next step is going to be. We’ve got one young child, and another on the way, or the answer would be much more obvious. I can only ignore so much, even though everyone else around me does nothing but congratulate me. I keep encouraging him and hope that if things pick up for him, he’ll quit taking his lack of success out on me.

I’m really glad I stumbled across this article though. Reading something that put to words and validated something I’ve suspected for some time has given me a boost in confidence, and helped me find the will to not give in. Thank you!

I was married for 8years with out any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time with me any more.So i

became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law

told me about Prophet Osaze from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast

a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few

month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Prophet Osaze for saving my relationship and for also saving others

too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address:spirituallove@hotmail. com

your a genius! thank you for this!

please help me my boyfriend always says negative things about my dreams, he dont respect me nor my own parents what should i do

DREAMERS UNITE! I’m a total dreamer and I’m lucky enough to have the best husband in the whole world who understands my big dreamer mentality and the “can do” spirit I have to make my dreams come true time and time again. Unfortunately, we’re surrounded by a huge family (26 1st cousins, 3 aunts, 2 uncles just on one side) who don’t just naysay…..they naysay behind our backs. After having had our baby, our family members collectively started in on pretty much every decision we’ve made….including our decision to have me continue on to grad school in order to get the career of MY DREAMS (Speech-Language Pathology). I’m tired of being underestimated and dragged down by their respective insecurities. I know that it’s their feebleness that drive their actions, but sometimes, it doesn’t make these actions any less hurtful or damaging. We’ve pretty much cut ties.

My parents will spend thousands of bucks on my brother’s developing their hockey stills, but not a single cent on me doing writing programs or going to writing clubs.
And I don’t have money of my own, so I have to cut corners to be a writer by doing the novel editing myself (even thought I tried to pressaure my parents to pay editing costs and purchas Adobe Photoshop again.) I think I was pretty good at it, but I’m sure there’s plot holes that I can’t see because I can’t afford an editor.
Mom and Dad do do tell me that my dream won’t make me money and that It’s just a hobby. Well, sorry, Mom and Dad, I don’t believe you. And this book is going out even if you say it isn’t.

Sadly, I can just hope that somebody will buy it. I guess I’ll have to minimize my goal to it “just being out” there and available for purchase. I’ve always wanted to share my novel “The Truth Hurts” with the world. Being unable to afford edited at the moment can’t stop me.

What if it’s your spouse?

Hey! This post cheered me up.
My family keeps saying negative things about my dream of going to art school and I was so close to giving up.
But I was thinking… what if they are right? What if I’m not talented? What if I’m not meant to pursue the things I love? ):

I love this ! It’s true, like when i told my family i wanted to be a nurse, they said “Why don’t you be something more, like a doctor of some sort?” The thing is i love talking to and helping people, and i feel that nurses do more of the communicating with patients. Thank you for this . 🙂

My mom which is the only one on my family that actually likes me crushed my dreams so sevearly I wanted to cry my eyes out. But I still have to deal with it whenever I would like her to drive me to an audition shes like maybe next time. Your just not going to make it. And I die inside everyday. This has told me so much. And I thank u a lot for it. 🙂

I have wanted to be a singer songwriter since I was a kis. I have had many people including family friends tell me to not sing anymore because I’d hit a brick wall. I believe this person is subvonsiously jealous as when I was younger they told me to go for it I’m nearly thirty years old and planning to go to university to study to be a vocal teacher. But I’m worried what other people think. It seems to be that you have to be a loser to be liked.

As a 16 year old indecisive girl, i have decided to study law with criminology but my parents who have brought me up with a world full of opportunities unlike their lives where education was not available for money was the problem. They expected me to be a dentist, a doctor or even an accountant.

When I told them my plans for the future I was left distraught, with me being told I was being silly, they can not believe I will be able to do it, and are not happy with my choice. I was told my younger brother was the only one they could count on to make them proud.

Now how can I possibly be happy unless I make my parents proud?
Upon discovering this article after crying over dissapointing my parents I found some relief and some sort of hope. I just want to say thank you :)5) v

It’s sad when those people are your own family. Saying to put it just as a hobby, it won’t due you good, to live in the real world — NNNGH! Thanks for this~

Torre ..!
I really loved to read this post, surprisingly you are knowing that most of the naysayers are very near one…It was really really difficult to pursue Dream and get motivated… Actually The Time we are Confident & ready to launch, and expect our near ones ( Parents, partner, Manager, Teacher ..etc ) to motivate … but they challenge our Capability or Abort our desire of Dream by predicting our failure with Surity and make our Morale down.
Still sometimes I found very very good friends, who supported and force me to invite that Nearone Asshole Naysayer as main Guest to celebrate Success of my Dream ..!! 🙂

Again ..You did great & best efforts ..Thanks again.

My father is one of these, a bit of a prick in fact.

Years ago when I had to choose what to study after highschool, my decision was Art. He came along and said “No! No, you’ll just end up teaching!!” telling me that there was no chance of a job in it. He seemed so thoroughly certain, and my older sister did some technical course that she never really wanted, so that was the message I got. And he followed up by saying that I cpuld always paint on my own.

The last part, sounded like fair advice, but in reality it wasn’t. He was also completely narrow minded in his ideas on getting work in art. People with less talent, it could be argued, have gotten a career. Furthermore, years later I find a niche job that is paying that could have been/be an ideal falo back job.

And the course I did yske, under his advice, was about as useless anyway as a Bachelor of Arts. Only, less useful as I have little interest and wasn’t motivated to study enough to get the extra qualifications necessary to get a proper job.

He started me on a path of fear and of minimising failure that, given my interest elsewhere actually helped attract these things.

If I hadn’t been afraid of failure my self I probably would not have lstened to him. But he came along and played on my insecurity. And I sold out.

Occasionally nowadays I find him doing a dance on the grave of a dream of mine. Like recently I expressed an interest in doing a new decorative style of illustration and he laughed, saying, why don’t you just do a picture of a family member or something: you’re NEVER going to become an artist! Ha, ha.”

I have coined a new name for such people -“Artholes” and I have met a few of them. They love to “cut you down”. They woukd say it is “cutting you down to size”, because they are vampires who like to drain you of life.

For me they represent now a personal battle of self confidence. And I have to acknowledge my dad’s brain washing and what part of me unfortunately thinks like him, so that this kind of piss weak, negativity gets relegated to the nothing place it deserves to occupy.

And it is jealousy. Jealousy and egotism.

I enjoyed your post. And, I may need therapy!

I have always felt like if I get excited about something my mother would take the wind out of my sail in some way with her lack of enthusiasm or response or the different things she could think of to make my idea wrong or impractical in some way. As a child it always angered me and we’d get into arguments where we were both upset and frustrated. This basically never changed. She means well and is a loving mother but has no ability to understand when I tell her what I want in life or at least she doesn’t seem to. Now that I’m an adult, I have realized this will never change but it’s so hard to escape the hold she has on me. She is such a loving person and cares about me so I feel guilty if I don’t visit her often enough but everytime I do if we get to talking and I tell her how I feel about something or what I really want in life or dreams I have she is just so stoic and silent it makes me want to scream at her. I feel I can’t pursue what I really want which is to quit the career I have grown to hate and travel and do things that I enjoy, which is expensive and I have no other way of making money. She always reminds me that I need to save more for retirement. I think this is out of true concern that I will have the money I need when I’m old which is understandable but she seems to have no interest in how I feel now and what would make me happy yet she says she wants me to be happy. She could support me more if she wanted to and I can’t understand why she doesn’t when she says how much she wants me to be happy. I want more than anything to take a few months off and travel and enjoy living a little but this would cost me a lot of money and at the end of it I’d be right back to having to work again only more to make up for the money I spent. I know I could die tomorrow but I could also live to 100 and I don’t want to be out on the street or still having to work when I’m 70. I can’t figure out how to grab hold of life while I watch it slip through my fingers. Then when I start feeling a shread of hope I share my thoughts with my parents and they kill it with their silence as they look at me blankly with a hint of disapproval that I don’t understand.

LOVE LOVE this!!!! Thank you so much for posting…. I have been a stay at home mom for the past few years. After being “stuck” and bouncing new potential career ideas in my head, I’ve just recently discovered my real passion in life and have shared with some friends and family. Some have been very encouraging and happy for me, but others have just seemed disappointed in “MY DREAM”. I can’t let those naysayers get to me, they don’t live my life, they can’t feel what I feel. LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU.

Great essay on something that every dreamer of big dreams has run up across by many people both of the jealous and the worried kind!

I was wondering what you think about this. Are you being a naybasher even a little bit, if when someone talks about their dreams, you do in the course of the longer conversation (following encouragement and lots of acknowledgements of their talent and strengths), start to give a few tips on how they can improve some aspect of what they are doing? Like if you see they may be needing a little work on a couple aspects you believe are important for their success.

An example I could possibly give is if someone wants to support themselves through their art, but you notice that they don’t have a website yet at all. So you suggest that they get their name out there a bit more, and get a website started now. or perhaps they are a beginning baker selling some cakes and you also are in that field, and you see them totally selling their stuff too cheap. You think they could make more money by taking into account the portion size of the cake for the party and charge a set amount per slice. They are not doing that, and you see them giving a lot of cake for too cheap to make a little profit.

Those are lame examples, but just trying to figure out if giving advice you really feel is helpful is part of being a naysayer, by suggesting that they don’t have it “all together” or indirectly being critical.

They didn’t ask for advice. But you feel motivated to offer a couple of tips, based on what you have observed.

This is amazing, I will re-read this for years to come. Thank you!

Ha! This is so my dad. He is the ultimate naysayer of my family. He is very narrow-minded about everything and completely unsupportive of my dreams to live an unconventional life. I am a creative soul and do not want to be boxed in a cubicle for 30 years. To me, that’s a jail sentence. But he seems to believe that the only way to live is to get an office job in the government, stick it out for 30 years, and then do what you want when you retire. Yeah…I’m sorry, but that’s not good enough for me. Ironically, he hated his job and was completely miserable. Now he wants me to be miserable too? Jerk! He’s definitely “the jealous naysayer”. I think he is full of so much regret about how his life turned out that it pains him to see other people pursue their dreams and happily succeed. Thankfully, my mom is the complete opposite. She is incredibly supportive about my dreams and life goals. She is always telling me to follow my heart and do what makes me happy, even if it means moving across the country. She is amazing and I am so grateful for her.

I wish my dad was supportive, but he’s not and I need to accept that. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to listen to the naysayers anymore. Frankly, it’s exhausting trying to justify my life dreams to someone who is so close-minded. I don’t want to waste anymore energy on my dad. I would rather surround myself with positive people, like my mom, friends, and other dreamers. It’s such a relief to read this article and all of these comments. To know that there are other people out there like me reinforces my beliefs and proves that I’m not crazy. The only crazy thing about me is how long I’ve stayed living in this toxic household and putting up with my dad’s BS. Time to move out and live my life on my own terms.

My Dad has been my hero for ever. He worked in Sales with IBM his entire life. I currently work at Dell. The latest on my job situation has left me unhappy for a number if reasons, some personal, some just plain “I don’t want to do this only for the rest if my life”. I am a sales admin for software sales. The job has limits and is very monotonous. What I really want is to move closer to the technical side of it all. There are no positions at my location for this and the glass ceiling has almost been reached at this point. I have been looking for another open door and my father has been so discouraging, saying that I would never have the right skills to get there and that I basically should just like what I have now to play it safe. I am a single parent and know I have a tough path ahead but I can’t understand why he is treating me so hard, should I ignore him?

What do I do when the majority of the people in my life are naysayers?
That I only have a few ..so few supporters
I am on the verge of breaking and just believing their words.
But ty for this amazing post <3

I am a sophmore in high school. I am so immensely in love with film and theatre. My dreams are to live in New York City to pursue my dreams as an actor/screenwriter/independent filmmaker. My Dad tells me that i will fail and I will come crawling back crying to his doorstep because Im going to fail. Horribly. He says this repeatedly, to the point that I’m just ready to stay exclusively at my moms house, but that would ruin him. What do i do?

Hi just want to say this helped aALOT! Im 17 and a senior in high school, and recently decided I want to pursue my passion of being a professional makeup artist instead of pursueing communications. Ive always been trying to find something “safe” and “normal” to do because my dad bashes me if I say anything about my real dreams and passions. anyway ive recently told my parents I want to do makeup and attend beauty school, then my dad continued to be an asshole and laugh at me and mock me. “thats not a real profession” “why would you want to put shit on people’s faces” “people who wear makeup arent beautiful” blahblahblah ive always dealt with this. Readin this article made me realize that my dad is just an asshole and i cant let it get to me so thank you for that! 🙂

I’m in business school, but I’ve been telling my best friend that I want to go into design. Every time I talk to her, she would be an asshole about it and discourage me. Just last night I showed her an edit I made and she LAUGHED at me. I read your article and I’m ending our friendship. This has been going on for a long while and I cannot let her negativity get in the way of my goals 🙂

I am so sad, this article is my life.

I needed to read this today…thank you so much for being encouraging and awesome and real!!

Sigh! My boyfriend and I own a biz together, but my true passion is jewelry making and painting furniture. I told him today that I’m not happy running this business and immediately he told me that I can’t make a living making jewelry or painting furniture. It really upset me!! I’ve made jewelry on the side for a couple of years and have done pretty well with it! But since we started this business, I have no time to do it anymore, which makes me really sad. I have no idea what to do now or how to feel about him saying that because in my heart of hearts, that’s what I truly want to do. Any advice?!?

What if you are your own naysayer?

thanks for the inspiration. people always tell to me that i shouldnt follow my dream of becoming an author and be a doctor just like my parents as i will have a strong base. but i personally think that even if i get enrolled in a medical college i wont be happy the way i will be after becoming an author. what is your opinion on this?

I came here on a Google search… Yup, not ashamed to admit that. I really loved this because it really speaks to me. I’m a stay at home mom whose husband travels for work. However, he constantly pisses on all my dreams. I have a 3/4-finished degree in Creative Writing. I brought up going back to school (for English, since the uni here doesn’t have CW) and he derided it as “useless” & “a fantasy” (despite the fact that a BA in English slots into pretty much anything). He says I need to give up my dreams so I can get a real job (preferably one I hate, so I’ll “know how it feels”) and stop being a “leech”. Ouch.

I’ve just begun my doula training and plan on turning it into a business. My folks actually put up the money for it because they want to help me succeed in becoming more financially independent. But, when I told my husband, he promptly went off on a tirade against my “stupid fantasies” and told me “it’s time to grow up & live in the real world!” He hates his job even tho it makes a lot of money it’s never enough, & I’m not the kind of wife who spends $50 on a haircut–I spend it on books… Anyway, what do you do when it’s your husband who’s the naysayer? When the person who is supposed to love & support you gets a kick (in the guise of “concern”) out of squashing your every single dream flat because of money? His dream is opening a restaurant & I support it but he’s afraid.

Being a postpartum doula is not something to do “on the side”, it’s something I feel very called to do. If I had to become a single mom to do it, I would, and maybe that’s why he tells me I can’t do it –because he’s testing me. I really have no idea.

Anyway, thanks for the read & for letting me go on.

I Enjoyed reading this…it was like therapeutic humour…keep moving forward…you are a winner…enjoyed your artistry as well…

This was so helpful. My dad keeps putting my ideas and career ambitions down- I have found myself having to keep giving them up after being talked to by my mum, after he has addressed his concerns with her. They often stay up late talking about how my latest idea is awful. A few months later I will come up with something else, I’m a naturally creative person, which sure enough is also not good enough and a “waste of time”. I love being with animals and outside with the garden. Taking some time out after secondary school wasn’t allowed so I ended up doing a 4 year degree in EngLit, which is okay but not helpful for my future paths- which have to be changed because I can’t afford another degree. I kept saying all through my time at uni, I’m not into this, I really want to give it up and the amount of furniture thrown around was incredible, so i, about to finish my degree in humanities as agrees. I thought about doing a local qualification in horticulture, which was pointless in his opinion. Now i’ve had so many dreams and ideas pissed on I don’t know If its possible for me to stick to one thing and carry it through. I now find myself doubting if these were dreams of mine at all or am i just confused with what I want to do. Surely if they were meant to be I would have carried them out despite the lack of support. I realised lately, all my ideas are shot down by him and there is no pleasing him. I need to stop craving the security of my dad saying, yes that’s a good idea and go out on my own two feet and ignore him. I’m going to take a year away from him and find a small job and think about what i’m going to do next. It is going to have absolutely nothing to do with him.

This was such a perfectly written expression of EXACTLY what I have been secretly getting from my husband for 16 years. It makes me feel sane about my life, my dreams, and my goals. Thankyou so much for writing it, I am so grateful!

Hey Torre,
I’m going to take that quote and staple it to my partner’s head, that way every time he continues to be unsupportive of my ambitions to write professionally I can glance at it and not feel upset.
Despite the fact that he has never supported me and shows no interest in what I write, I continued and now have attracted the interest of an agent whose enthusiasm for my book has made me realize that actually it was worth continuing with and I may well have a shot at a career as a novelist.
My partner is not a bad guy, but he’s been frustrated in his own ambitions which I believe has made him not want to support mine.
It’s really hard to keep encouraging yourself on when you’re partner seems to have no belief in you, but your blog has made me realize that I’m not alone in this. If something is worth fighting for, then you just gotta strap on those boxing gloves and step back into the ring. If he won’t support me, then I’ll have to be my own support.
Thanks for the blog.
Gemma

I ruined my dreams of becoming a star division 1 player because of negatives “friends and a parent…. People who kept telling me “I didnt need football”…. most of these people were people who wanted to play for my University but didnt have the ability, talent or drive…. I was on the team.. I just had to get my grades in order and woul dhave did my thing but I listened to my doubters and that “God doesnt close a door non sense”… I am in my early 30s regret it, it has wrecked my life… The people who spoke this non sense and I BROUGHT INTO they are happy they talked me out my dream.

I bookmarked your brilliant article and will continue to share it –

Great critical thinking and justified humor

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Heloo from South America! I just loved this! Funny designs Torre! Well, you just can’t imagine all the naysayers thing down here in Paraguay! It’s a culture thing, people just don’t believe in dreams, adventures and activities that scape from their (to me) scary comfort zone! They really think you need to explain why you are trying to be that happy! It’s crazy! Keep on doing this, it’s adorable! Much love 🙂

I feel hopeless and suicidal everyday, my mother is destitute, m y grandmother is destitute, my father lost his job, I have endured poverty, verbal, emotional, sexual and psychological abuse my whole life, and have my own issues with depression and anxiety because of the poverty, bullying, and my father’s cross-dressing. I have been forced to give up on everything, because of hwo bad it is, I see no point in having goals or dreams anymore because unless I find the right people, get money, or get a job, I don’t see it happening. It’s been this way for years, I go to therapy and she says she wants to help my mom and I, and she never calls me back, my mother says she wants to help me, so she takes me to the gym, where I got the dream for lifeguarding and being a group exercise instructor and personal trainer, because it makes me feel happier and less depressed. My father is supposed to take me for my license, but he’s so consumed with his own stuff, and forgot about me. I want to ride a bike too, and maybe do a triathlon or a half marathon, and that’s it. I have been neglected, and told that I have a horrible personality and would never make it in anything that I’m interested in. The economy doesn’t help at all. I feel like dying, the hospital doesn’t even do anything, I can’t even get health insurance to get my meds or therapy. I have a learning disability as well, and am different, and need extra help with math and processing, but the great thing about fitness and health, is if you can talk to people, and know and practice choreography, and study exercise science well, you can be great. I do know college is not for me, and that to be a lifeguard you have to be certified and the same thing for being an instructor/trainer/health coach. The money problems are so bad, I cry myself to sleep.

well one day my guy friend and I were in biology class and after we finished a test we had some free time, so he took out these sketch pencils and he showed me them and i said ooo cool!! and he starts drawing his anime character. .then he sketches this really detailed eye for the character and i give him a positive answer ,”wow thats pretty cool ,how’d you do that?” ,and he said ,”all you do is this”.he seemed kind of off about me being positive and nice about his drawing ,but still continued.then -so to be generous and compatible with art, i asked him did he ever hear of abstract and he said no,so i told him i did abstract art and that i love that kind of art . i showed chris (my guy friend) my art pic and he scoffs and he laughs saying,”thats nothing ,i can do that easily .if thats what abstract looks like then i dont like it ….thats not even art and whats the point anyway… and then i comeback with saying that its better than a plain piece of paper with a person on it ,abstract art has more to say than that and its infinite with meaning and colorful ….and i called him simple minded and ignorant by what he said .then i asked my teacher what he thought of art and he said,”art has multiple opinions.” and chris said” exactly ” as if he was so right and btw he smiled as if he liked me getting angry and i told him that he wasnt giving his opinion about it ,he was bashing me and my type of art and he disagreed.and earlier in the argument he asked me could i draw it and i said yea and he said well then draw it and i said no ,because i dont feel like it…and he was like see you cant draw ,sketch at all..he always finds it funny when i get mad and laughs at me as if its funny but i bet if i bashed his head with a textbook it wouldnt be very funny.see ,i dont bash anything and if i dont like it i dont say anthing at all even though it could be helpful to some but discouraging to others so instead i stay far a way and say nothing since i know what it feels like.when chris bashed me i try even harder to stick with my close spirit which is art but i felt my heart break physically ,and i felt empty as if someone isolated me from something i loved the most…i cried but i havent lost touch .i sketch my abstract when i feel it coming not when im bored. i do sketch when its the only thing i feel is actually listening to me and is actually a part of me and most of all feels the exact same way,therefore, im never a foreigner or an enemy ,abstract recognizes me very well.i tired to draw a human and a animal and i practice but when i try ,my mind is thrusting so much out that i want to draw its so difficult to stick with just that one thing ,i feel the urge, the desire to push the colors, the things in my head and as a result,it all comes out still in meaning not just any regular drawing. i love everything that includes the use of talent , handwork and passion . im never a prick or an arrogant asshole who wants to throw their art around ,i accept things that people throw away ,like the quote that says any mans trash is another mans treasure…im a girl ,a 15 year old girl..and art is my love

I want to be a famous singer and I know I have the talent. I know i could do anything I set my mind to, but my parents always doubt me becoming famous. It will happen one day. I won’t die without being known and inspiring others. -Natalie Barry 4/7/14

My advice to someone surrounded by naysayers is #1 always challenge other peoples thoughts about you. Your life is 100% unique and not comparable to any other, by that I mean no other aside person from yourself can grade your potential. Also realize EVERY PERSON ON THIS PLANET, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL, IS ONLY HUMAN. #You vs You

I have the problem of being surrounded by negative people. Some may naysay, but most just give off a “so what” or “yeah right” vibe the FEW times I have spoke about my creative ambitions. So, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and quietly work on my dreams. It is definitely tough and very lonely when no one supports you in something that’s special and important to you. Especially those you love. But, I agree that most people like that definitely live in fear themselves and need company in fear. I can’t live like that. They’ll see the results of my work when it’s FINISHED. But, while I’m working on my goals, I just won’t trust them with my dreams!

Hi Torre! Your article is soo AMAZING! I enlisted into the U.S. Air Force Reserve. I will be taking the exam in a couple of weeks in hopes to qualify for an officer. I told my mom that I enlisted. A couple of months ago I told her i was going and she thought I was kidding, but I’m not playing around. Now that i told her, she doesnt believe I can do it. It hurts me soo much. But it doesnt matter if she believes in me or not. This is what Ive always wanted to do since I was 12. I know this is my destiny and no one can stop what I was made for. My favorite part of your article is the last paragraph to “The Psychology of an Ass Hole”. This defines my mother soo well. I dont want to hurt her but she has always been the crone in my life. I know its sad to call her that but I know she loves me. I want to be a test pilot. Im praying to God he will help me give me the strength to keep going. Thank you so much for your article! You made me feel soo much better!

Think relates to me alot right now. I hope you could help me with my situation. So for example i live three states away from the college i want to go to. I want to go there because in my city there aren’t any big time people. In my city no ones famous. I think no one has reached their dreams. On the city where i want to go to college. That is where dreams are made, but the city there is more dangerous. Thats why my parents dont support me to go there. I dont wanna live in my city because i dont wanna be a boring normal work everyday kind of person. I wanna be different. Please help me.

Anyone could make your dream fit your spending plan.

Whether you are a business person or just an ordinary Internet user looking
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If it was then the speed you are running at is likely working for your
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Thanks, I really want to be a singer and athlete but I face so much discouragement.

I want to learn how to play piano…but no one is supporting me. I’m young so I can’t really do it myself. My dad wants to help but he thinks its not worth it. This helped me understand why they say tgise things and now I feel that I should go talk to my family. Thanks a lot.

Lol “naybashed” loving that word 🙂 this post is so straight up and real just the way I like it. Naysayers should be used as an example of who NOT to be. Enjoyed reading anyways, nice pictures too.

my parents dont support my dream of being a actress, i want to start small with youtube but they dont support that either. Yes i am young (14) but i know that this is what i want to do. Help?

This was a great article. I just have a problem though. It’s with my family. They are the worst, ever since I was little they shot down every idea I had for a possible career, either saying it’s a dead end or it’s stupid and they try to change my idea into something like do health care and crap like that that I’m completely not interested in. But every time they shoot down an idea of mine and try to change it. Just immediately give up on it.

Hi i need some help i am starting my own online business i am a CPA and i am in the disability advocacy movement the business surrounds this nitch also i have a new partner who is very techy and familiar in webdesign and abit in other things like facebook and stuff like that hes not a guru or master and neither am i but together i think we can learn and build on each other and that’s ok we agree on that.
The main thing is i have parents even though the mean well had a business and have had problems and some failures and are trying to give me advice on what and how i should do in my business and coming up with things that are causing some friction with my partner and i something might be a little paranoid maybe not we do have an Incorporation and NDA and signed contracts as to our protections in our chosen state… and also my wife is telling me its taking too long to build she has some business back ground from the Philippines and is also inputing her advice….but my partner and i we are not pros and not masters in webdesign or facebook so we are not only building the business but also learning what we need to build it as we go weather its software scrips email advertising ect ect so it will take some time but i also have a full time job so that is adding to the whole thing but im ok with that my partner and i usually work 2 hrs a night on the business so it will take some time longer than expected plus this is an online business totally and not a brick and mortar business so its a bit different….also as soon as the wife comes home she wants me to get off of the computer and really doesn’t want me doing any business stuff while shes around…. as far as all this i think we are going at a steady but slow pace yes and based on our circumstances the only thing is the outside advice and neg criticism and or actions coming from Friends and Family don’t know what to think.. my partner tells me he had the same thing happen to him and to ignore it and keep at it, and that they might not Believe In Your Dream or might be fearful for you or something like that Ps.. I also have less severe case of Cerebral Palsy and i am CPA of a very large City Dept of Education maybe the Cerebral Palsy factors in to this also i don’t know if anyone can give me some input on this i would gratefully appreciate it..

Thanks in advance.

Rob P

First of all, extremely well written! I love this! And second, thank you, I needed to find perspective on this. I’m a model and blogger and been doing it for a year. I now make an ok income from it but things are beginning to take off, booked a magazine cover, centre fold, several shoots, several campaigns. And the guy I’m seeing said I’m “delusional, past my prime, and living in a fantasy world”….
Thank you for the much needed reality check. I love your writing style 🙂

I had this fried of mine who i used to respect alot but when i told him that i planning to be dentist he tole me…do you even know how many molars are present in ur teeth….I mean thats so fucking mean..im never ever going to talk to him..bloody asshole!!!

I have been through that, I’m going through it now. My advice is just don’t put your guard down. I want to be a tap dancer, my family says no because I can’t drive you there everyday, You won’t make enough money, hope your happy when your poor, and there’s not good dance jobs, and you aren’t talented enough. But just block them out.

I wanna be an actress, but no one supports me at all.. No one cares, not even my own parents, I talked to everyone but it stills the same.. I get horrible comments and it hurtsss…. pleasee help me

Hello,

I know I am a year late but, I really feel inspired by your post! I started a blog not too long ago and based around completing a bucket list. Some of the ideas are grandiose. When I think about it I feel inspired and happy. I’m sick of all of these ideas being stuck in my my head only.

However, I’ve met a lot of naysayers and, I am surrounded by a lot of naysayers. To the point where I am even too scared to tell them about my ideas because I know I’ll just be meant with naysayer bashing. It makes me feel so bad as, I feel as though I am lying by omission.

This post has made me feel SO much better though. Those naysayers aren’t really working with my best interests in mind when they decide to be negative nelly’s. I really need to redefine where I am heading and some of my close relationships. And, bookmark this page. 😉

Thank you so much!

Shannon.

Hi,
Very nice post!

Well written .. and the illustrations and the humour add a lot of weight in your sayings…

I’ve been a dreamer .. for over a decade now.. have tried to break free a few times, but have been actually proven wrong on multiple occasions…

the usual things.. lack of experience, lack of knowledge, inadequate funds ( or insecurity about having inadequate funds) to live a traveller’s life… see the world.. do lots of adventures… be a writer/poet/trainer etc.

(Unfortunately I’ve been given ‘sane’ advice by my own family members.. So I’m working in a large Multinational corporate, doing work that’s boring and demotivating… but the job’s paying well to live a comfortable life… so it gives more strength to the ‘nay sayers’…)

I have my own blog (http://analyze-visualize.blogspot.in/ … you may like to read a post http://analyze-visualize.blogspot.in/2013/08/inside-wandering-mind.html wherein some of what I think and desire, comes out.

Hope to find some mentor and friend some day , who thinks and believes that amazing things can and do happen in life… who may help me overcome my fears…to break free..

Very helpful article. I am happy that I read your article when I needed the most. I had a very difficult time to make my parents understand my dream. I didn’t ask them to support me financially, all I wanted was just to support me mentally and encourage me. I have a great career, and worked for it one year. And few months ago, after struggling long time inside of myself, I quit my job and decided to pursue my career in acting. Then I worked very hard on it and came to US from Mongolia, such a long way. I am very happy with my decision now. I feel so great that I decided to take a risk, at least I know that I’ll not regret when I get older, thinking of “Oh, what if i did 20 years ago…I wish I did”…I don’t wanna be that person. Instead I wanted to say “I am glad that I did”. Things going pretty good since I came here as long as I am so concentrated on my dream. I did couple of feature and short films, and got more inspired. Since I am beginning my career, I am having some financial struggles for sure. And my parents just said that “Come back home, and get some real job, If you finished having fun”, which really hurts. They think my dream is unachievable. I know it is difficult, very competitive, but It’s possible. People do it, and I can try also. I am not going back from my dream. I know I can, and I will. But it hurts to hear especially my loved ones don’t even understand and support me. All I wanted was only their care. But anyway, hope that god knows it.

Yes I have a problem, I always wanted to become a singer and i am just worried if i tell to my parents they will make them sad or worst angry what to do

I have a problem. When i was a young boy I was dreamed to have a music career, being a singer but I am just worried to tell my parents that what should i do

My father: “You need to wake-up and stop being a dreamer. You haven’t got time for tiddlywinks( dad’s word for hobbies) your nearly forty years old. Pencils and paints don’t pay the bills or put meals on the table.” You realize very few (artists) actually make a living from it?. You’ve got talent son but your no standout”

*sigh* Naysayers I can handle, parents are more difficult to deal with.

Yet…Still I draw any spare moment than i can, I just no longer tell him how I spend my free time.

I really want to be on Broadway, but my parents think it’s a joke and that it won’t be a living, ect. I really want voice lessons now so once leave my house I can audition for Broadway. I even told my parents I would pay for them. I started to look up prices for lessons and when I showed my dad the prices he went off on a rant about I can’t get lessons that expensive and he started to question why I would want lessons unless I’m going into singing in the future. I want to tell him so bad how much I want to be on Broadway, but he’ll just laugh it off and not take me seriously. I don’t know what to do… A few months earlierly I had asked for lessons and he said no because I didn’t have enough passion. I nearly exploded at that. I was part of the drama club and did all the shows, I was in regular church choir and then school church choir and I sing every freaking second of the day. I don’t know how to show him I have passion. I thought it would help if I would pay for them, but noooo… HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

I am 51 years old and have been running a million dollars a year business . The problem is my parents won’t give me a succession plan or any indication that they are going to step down . They don’t work , just collect $7k per month off me rent. I feel stuck , working all these years for nothing, it does have its perks though , but I just don’t know what to do . I have two other siblings who are not involved and I feel when the time comes, it’s going to be split evenly. At times I just wanna sit back and say here u go , f this place. , but my guy tells me to work hard , continue running the business cause I too have bills to pay at home and cannot afford to throw in the towel. Any suggestions?

What if you are trying not to be a naysayer, however you really are worried someone you love is making a decision that may affect them badly. Obviously it’s their choice and their life but can you offer advice without being a naysayer?? Or an asshole!

My parents have never supported me throughout my whole life. They think they are but they really arent. I am in so many programs for the advanced and i dont even want to be. I want to live out my dream that involves my creativity and my voice. All my parents want me to be is a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or just somebody ‘important’. I try not to care what they think but its diffucult to take in that the two people that are supposed to believe in you just dont. Ive told them countless times but they never seem to get that i want to live out my dream and never ever give up. What can i do when i dont have their support?

y dad is a nayslayer. I told him I wanted to be a professional skateboarder and he said no because “the road is to bumpy”, its fine! I took my broken in half unrepairable skateboard slapped it together and skated on the road…but he never saw and didn’t care. Even now he crushes all my hopes and drea?s and ignoresme when he can and gives me a cold stare all the time Idont like invi ing people over because of it…. one of my friends who spent the night said this.. “does he hate you or something, he has the death stare of doom going”…its horrible now I don’t talk about my hopes and dreams to anyone anymore….

Great post – and yes those pesky naysayers seemed to be lurking in the most unexpected places.

In the last two years I think I have had mine and everyone else’s fair share of naysayers. It started with a decision that affected my youngest, then my desire to take my creative writing seriously and finally with starting a degree at the ripe old age of 40!

What I am doing does not effect anyone else’s life but mine and my childrens – so why should it bother them so much that I want to help my children and better myself for the future?

One particular ‘friend’ has been more vocal with her naysaying since I shared my five year plan with her (get my degree, pursue a career in writing and write that book I keep saying I want to). If she isn’t trying to pour water over my dreams she ignores me totally. Others have picked apart blog posts and short stories like a primary school teacher lol!

My biggest support are my children and I know they will be cheering me on when needed. I guess that is the only encouragement I need.

Will be bookmarking this page and paying regular visits for an added boost of motivation and support. Sending you all positive vibes and support – follow your dreams with a smile on your face 🙂

Hi, is this still going/can I leave a message?

I absolutely loved your message! It was so on point. I can’t wait to share this!

Thank you I needed this encouragement today 😉

I am so thankful that I came across this blog when I did. This is exactly what I needed to read. I’m 22 years old, in college and I work full time as well. Ever since I was a child I have been very interested in music and have dreamed of pursuing it as a career. I remember being four years old sitting on the kitchen floor and using pots and pans as drums, spoons as drum sticks and the lids as cymbals without even really realizing what I was doing. I grew up always singing along to everything on the radio, singing in the choir and even in chorus in elementary school. I would always tell my parents I wanted to be a singer and they always thought it was a cute idea because I was a child, however, when I got older and got into middle school, I joined band and started writing my own songs just for fun. My parents finally realized that I was completely serious about wanting to pursue music as a career and they then started telling me that I need to “stop being silly” “get focused and realistic” about my future. In high school I continued taking band and writing songs for fun and to express my feelings about certain hardships in my life that I didn’t want to discuss with anyone. I dropped the idea of music believing I was stupid for even thinking I could make it. Like I said before, I am now in college and working and I have friends who are just as passionate as I am bout music. My best friend and I sing karaoke every weekend as a duo and e have won money for our participation at karaoke bars. We have people who come up to us and compliment us on how great we sound together and have had people tell us they come to specifically hear us sing. She has even been approached at walmart by a stranger who recognized her from karaoke and told her that they enjoy seeing us perform. This has boosted our confidence quite a bit to the point that we’ve started taking it more serious and wanting to pursue a career once again in the industry. I have met several artists in the industry and asked for advice on what steps we need to take to pursue something like this and have received some great feedback. We keep in touch with a couple of the artists we went to for advice and were told exactly what to do and where to go to meet other people in the industry. We ended up going to nashville for cma fest and singing live band karaoke on broadway in front of hundreds of people and afterwards we had people compliment us on our performance. It seemed like any doubts we had went away the moment we got on stage. It just felt right. It felt like that is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. I’ve never been more passionate about anything in my life as I am about songwriting and performing and we are already saving up to get to nashville someway somehow. My parents on the other hand would not support this if my life depended on it. They think I’m foolish for even attending concerts as often as I do. Especially if it’s for artists I’ve already seen a few times, it if we hadn’t done that we wouldn’t have been given the advice we’ve received or even have become friends with a couple of them. It really bothers me that they are constantly bashing my dreams and my ” obsession” with music, as they call it, but I call it a passion. To them it makes me immature and silly to have a dream bigger than the typical every day “normal” people job. Your blog, however, is truly inspiring to someone like me who was feeling down after yet another argument over my “immaturity” for my love of music. Thank you for that.

Hi Torre,
I wish I knew you in real life. 🙂 ah, nevermind, but , I WANT YOU TO READ THIS, AND I WANT YOU TO RESPOND, PLEASE? Thank you.
I am a 17 year old girl, currently, in the last year of my high school. And I’m a big time believer, I always believe and believe, in the Universe and in purpose of life. So, about a year and a half ago, I just finally figured out my purpose, my dream. You know..as they say…”When you figure out your heart’s dream..You’re gonna know :-)” So, now I know, because, everytime I think about my dream, my heart goes through something.
I want to be a singer, release my albums, do concerts, and spend the rest of my life with music. My dream is to sing and I’m good at it, I’ve sung at occasions got compliments, been in a few competitions and won in a few. So I have a capable voice. But just yesterday, I had encounters with two naysayers back to back! ANd it has blemished my shiny glass of faith and belief and I desperately want it back. I had a close friend say to me ” There’s a reason dreams die. Get real! I had to be realistic to.” ANd it was DISHEARTENING, I felt like a bomb blasted my heart to shrapnels of lost hopes. My parents know about my dreams of singing and travelling the world. well. ANd they don’t discourage me, they support me, sometimes, but neither do encourage me as such.
Moreover, I don’t know how I’m going to be popular amongst people or how I’m going to fund myself financially. I’m not that “rich” or “popular” and I also had a struggling life till now and had depression in the past ( I’ve recuperated now and am awesome ) . But i have unwavering faith, passion, a dream and a voice.
Can you please give me any reasons for me to keep going at it and tell me I’m not being a fool?
Cuz I would rather drown myself before I let my dreams drown.
Thank you.
I’m just glad People like you exist, who dare to dream. You’re an inspiration.
I just favorited you blog.
And if you have time, please please read this article I wrote about “belief and the Universe”, it is not a time waste I swear, here -http://abuicxyuiz.tumblr.com/post/78228791351/alexithymia
REPLY soon.
Thanks <3
Messynora

I’m so happy I found your blog. Made me a bit happy that I’m not the only one who believes in dreams.

Just recently (like yesterday), I finally told the adults about what I want (I’m 21). I’m an incoming 4th year PT student, but this summer I’ve decided to stop taking this course and take Vet Med instead (I’ve always loved animals and felt more compassion towards them compared to humans). I agreed to take PT because of the good money that would come from it. I wanted to support my family and not disappoint them (I’m the eldest by the way, so there’s more pressure). After 3 years of trying to love the course, I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

I told them I want to do something that I would love. It would be hard for me to study (and eventually work) something that my heart just couldn’t accept. Yes, I may be financially secure, but I can’t imagine doing something I don’t like for the rest of my working life.

They agreed to my choice, but while I was talking about my plans for the future, they wouldn’t even respond. Personally, I think that they were thinking about this “Why did she choose this? Nothing good will happen.” or “she’s looking for a headache. She’ll have a hard future”. Can’t I get some moral support for a big decision I made, for a change…?

So here I am thinking, what is happening to the adults nowadays… When I have kids in the future, I would support their dreams. If they fail and fall, I’d catch them always and help them get up. Isn’t this supposed to be the way parents/adults should treat their children? Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents and family, they’re good, but it seems adults have lost their “dreamer” in them. It seems they’ve stopped believing in the good of this world…. or I may just still be childish and naive.

I’ve read some of your articles and this one I had to re-read, bookmark, add to pocket and favorite it, and share it on facebook.
I’ve read it 5am. And now I’m in love with you (on the respectful, platonic way, hahaha!).

I’m 23 but..if I knew this some 10 years ago, or even 5 years..if I had the awareness of how people were influencing me and if I had defended myself, I probably would be working at NASA or developing my first big game (since I always loved space, technology and videogames so, so much).
Even on the first memories I have of 3-4 years old, my parents, relatives, friends, teachers, 95% of people I knew, really, did their best to destroy my dreams and volition. They succeded, since I didn’t even have the chance to be aware of the bad things they were doing as I was so little..I grew up unmotivated, I started self-sabotaging like a pro, I had zero perspective in life and I drove myself far from my goals. Its insane.
My luck is that I did go to some Computer Science college and worked as I programmer, so I’m not absurdly far off what I want, but I have HUGE knowledge gaps due to poor education, terrible teachers and my own lack of motivation that never enabled me to do anything for myself, always going for the minimum score while facing chronic procrastination.

So..*breathes*..one month in 2013 I went to bars to get drunk 6 days per week because I couldn’t cope with the voices in my head telling me something was very, very wrong with my life (intuition). I got scared because I was consuming alcohol just to cope with stuff, 22 years old, and I never did that before. I left my job days later, and told my family I was only going to face the world again after I fix all the internal stuff that feels wrong.
It is working, and every month I am more mature, confident, aware and dedicated, and tackle a different internal problem. I’m currently trying to close the chapter on my past and forgive those who forced me to derail – and I still don’t know if its more my fault than that of other people..I don’t like blaming others for my mistakes, but I had no defense against all the giant blob of negativity I went through everyday.

Soon I’ll get back to face the world and go after my dreams, but currently I am still in “Repair Mode” bringing the pieces of me together and finding the internal flame I had before it was extinguished by dozens of assholes.
I feel I am almost done with this internal journey that is almost reaching a year.

This article is definitely one of the steps toward my redemption with myself and with the world, and I thank you with my whole heart for your beautiful art and writing. I’ll definitely keep reading from you as I already did.

Cheers from Brazil,
Gabriel.

My wife has done this to me so much I want a divorce. Not the only problem, but a huge part of it.

Every time I get a promotion or better job there is no fanfare or congratulations, it’s now we have to figure out what benefits will be like.

It makes me feel like my accomplishments and dreams are just dumb ideas. I really believe I’m on my way out the door this time.

why hello! I get this all the time and it saddens me deeply, I am trying so hard to ake it out their, I want to sing. I’m trying to get a band together, I’m trying to get a demo recorded, I might even put myself in the news paper. I am so determined, but NO ONE in my family thinks i can do it. They tell me it’s not worth my time, and that things dont happen so easily , their right about the second part, because i am working my butt off to try. at least I’m trying to make something of myself, that’s all that matters and if i end of failing i can always say i tried my hardest, but I’ not going to let that be a possibility. If you have any advice please feel free to email me at marmartiona@gmail.com it would be greatly appreciated

This was so inspiring but fucking hilarious! Definitely will probably find myself repeating some of the sayings in this context hahaha!

Hi,
My name is Katie (well duh it says it up there…) anyway, I have dreams of being a model and singer, the naysayer is my dad, my parents are divorced so I alternate weekly and as a result I generally have bi-weekly breakdowns where I run to a friends place after a “talk” with my dad… My original plan was to stick I out until the end of the year because he’s retiring then moving 3 hours away and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with him but it’s starting to weigh pretty heavily on me and the breakdowns which I was usually able to get under control in 10 minutes are now turning into 2-3 day affairs where I have to get reassurance from my friends. I’m sorry that this is such a long message, but do you know what I can do? He makes me so scared of my future an I don’t want to be scared of that! My mum is so supportive and she has no doubt I can do it but every time I go to my dads I take 5 steps backwards! I don’t want to be one of those people who goes to the same desk every day because I’m not one to sit still and just type all day! I’m afraid that if I let my dad get to me that’s what will happen! Any advice? Again I’m so sorry about this message but you seem to understand everything about my situation!
From, Katie

Thank you for this! I have had wild dreams since I was young. Many of them were talked down by people trying to bring me back to reality. Over my lifetime though I have found persistence and passion pay off. I dreamed of getting a dog sled one day and I got one. I dreamed of getting a Siberian husky and I got one at age 12. I dreamed of seeing the Iditarod since 2nd grade. This dream got put on a back burner for a long time while going through college to chase my dream of becoming a vet…. Well last year I got this dream and even better was working with the dogs that ran the race! I officially moved to Alaska a month ago after being here all winter. I was full of appreciation of the people who surrounded me. In the last few years I have been blessed with finding amazing friends and had so much support for this move 4000 miles away from home. So though those naysayers are out there. I’m happy and blessed to have let those people go and to have proven them wrong. No matter how wild your dream it is possible 🙂

Hi Torre, Just found and read your article on “When People Don’t Support Your Dreams.” Throughout my 55 years of life have been surrounded by an entire family (including spouse and son), relatives, in-laws, bosses, co-workers, friends, and known so many others who are unsupportive due to being toxic, controlling, selfish, insecure, and uncaring. In life, we are lucky to find one person who is unselfish, genuinely caring, and is supportive. What I did to cope with all the naysayers and the naybashers stay away from them all. My advice is to stay positive. Stay determined and focused. There is always a way. There is always alternate ways. Follow all avenues. You’ll never know where they may lead. Don’t ever be discouraged. Don’t ever give up. We all deserve to follow our dreams and be happy. That’s the purpose of life. In the end, the journey of life will be worth it. Torre, thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.

hi I’m Sasha and I’m 16 years old and I’m have a dream of being a dancer and singer I made the dance team tryouts but my mom wont let me dance because she said it to much money the lady took off 200 and she still said she not paying the choir which is free but she won’t let me do that .I’m not understanding what’s her problem she always saying you can’t dance you can’t sing what should I do.

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oh gosh, I have parents who don’t trust my judgment. It breaks my heart

This article is really GREAT..;)
I’ve got naysayers at home – my parents,it’s a bit sad but half of my family are naysayers.I’m riding horses,I want to spend my whole life with them and be a showjumper,but they’re all the time kicking my down and they’re saying that I have to have a normal job and horses could be just a hobby.The worst thing is that now I’m dependent on them and I can’t do what I should to make my dreams come true 🙁
Thank you for this article,now I know that there are people who thinks the same way ;))

Love it! Just what I needed this morning. Also helps to put on a song like,”My give a damn’s busted”.

Thanks Torre, and love your illustrations. Pity, never imagined I was going to end up being married to a naysayer 🙁

I absolutely adore this post. We’re leaving everything behind to travel the US in an RV. And after that we have plans to live outside of the country. It’s amazing. You’d think I told people I’m joining a cult [and have a comet to catch later tonight]. I had one woman [after I divulged our hopes and dreams] literally laugh at my face. But I dont mind! While I’m off living my dream and opening my mind even further, she’ll be left right where I left her 😉 Yay for bashing and slaying those negative nancys!

this was the best. 🙂

My mom crushed my deams
No more to say she ruins my life all the time period

Hi there to every body, it’s my first go to see of this webpage; this blog contains awesome and really good stuff
in support of readers.

The majority of the feedback I get about my newly launched blog is from naysayers. But I don’t allow them to dash apart my dreams. I am doing my best to cope and my husband and family are my biggest supporters. I do a lot of ranting to my poor hubby. In the last few years I have learned to cut off toxic relationships but it has been hard to forge new healthy relationships as it can be hard to find people that are truly healthy mentally. At least that is how it feels for the moment.
The funny thing is that I am a Certified Professional Life Coach and I don’t know what advice to give to people who are not being supported. Once I figure it out myself then I can certainly give some crazy good kickass advice about it though. The funny thing is that some of my peers told me that I destroy my credibility as a life coach when I rant or show weakness or vulnerability but I don’t see how this could be true. If I were to hire a life coach then I want my coach to have some personal experiences of their own in the area they are coaching me in. Otherwise….how will they relate or connect to me and my pain? I wish I had more answers about this area of life as I am struggling. Thank you for writing this article as it has certainly brightened up my day!

Torre, I,m really glad I found this page, my naysayers is My husband, while he has encouraged me to start school since March, I,m unsure of how supportive he really is.. While school has just begun, this is the second week, and I was busy doing homework, we began to argue about the kids and then out of no where said” well when are you going to be done with your homework that is all you do”
I decide to stop my work and go for a walk for the purpose of not arguing, when I returned home he hid my computer so I could do my online work.
This hurt, the moment he said the homework part, I was thrown back and was immediately crushed by the delivery of what he had said, then to make it worst he hide the computer, this has me very much filled with tones of feelings I’m still working on getting straight, and then I came up on this.. This helped me out a bit this morning. Thanks

I told my friend I needed heart surgery and at the time my mother was not doing well and she told me ( while on vacation in Europe ) that maybe I should postpone my surgery , i told her I was having the surgery. I had a 99 % blockage. I would have had a heart attack. My mother died 3 weeks later but I could have also been dead. My mother was 94 , so she was more important than me according to my friend. My suggestion do what is best for you . Sometimes people are so self involved they give bad advice and aren’t supportive.

Hi there , all of your responses to naysayers are great but there is just one problem. We are all seeking support from an exterior force whether it be a friend, family member, spouse or an acquaintance. Quote by Miyamoto Musashi!
“there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” by the book of been reading the laws of success napoleon hill states “never speak it, show it!” Once you move towards your goals with your definite chief aim and your are accomplishing some great feats, Then and only then will people begin to see you are motivated and moving in a direction they’ll want to jump on to your band wagon and a lot that will want to ride on your coat tails and thats when you have gained the power…. Remember super successful people will never tell you that you cannot accomplish great dreams so long as you have a plan and are motivated. Its only some people who live in mediocrity that will never tell you that you can accomplish your dreams… Just go for it people because if “you” believe you can then you can.

I scored second highest in All State singing competition for my vocal fach in high school and loved all things to do with it. My father never allowed or supported this dream. He controlled me financially and I was too dumb to break away and do as I pleased. No guts I suppose.

Years later I joined a large choir and now take lessons. I’m slightly obsessed but my wife is very supportive. My father died two years ago and it has not bothered me like I thought. I loved him despite his manipulations because I knew it was misplaced care. But I do feel free. My website is a link to me practicing a French song at home. It’s far from perfected but I feel great just singing freely.

This makes me feel so much better, and more confident, about my dream. Thanks so much for writing it!! My naysayers are my parents… Well, they’re the main ones anyway. It hurts that they don’t quite believe in me, but it’s okay!! I can do this!! Again, the article was brilliant. Thanks so much ^.^

My naysayer has been my wife for nearly a decade. I have had many a small dreams that she has not supported. I wanted to go back to school in my early 30’s. “No, we can’t afford it and what is the point now?” I wanted to go skiing. “No, you will probably fall out of the lift.” I wanted to go parachute. “No, what if you passout.” I want to write a book. “You aren’t good enough to publish, but you can to do for fun?” Now, I really want to hike the PCT. “You might roll your ankle and fall off a cliff or die of dehydration…who is going to take care of the dog while you are gone and I am working?…I wish you never heard of the PCT!” I have Ehler-Danlos and do break bones and roll my joints out often. I am epileptic and could fall out of ski lift, etc, but should I not get to indulge in my adventurous side? Enjoy life beyond what I am supposedly capable of in my health? All adventure comes with risk, but am I not allowed adventure because I was born with disabilities? BTW I was very adventurous and lived through it before I meet her. I love her and we talked about therapy, but she is a practicing psychologist so I figure any therapist will be completely in agreement with her as soon as they know.

how true. My partner/ husband, is a naysayer. He puts a damp squib on what I want to do. I might add I have had considerable success in the past, but also some hiccups. He grabs the huccups and quotes them to me in a comparing way. It has brought me to a near halt on one subject which is painting, so far I have kept my writing pretty much away from him as he would be poison to my self confidence.
I do get angry, I know he is wrong to do it, and we have arguments where I become very insulting and call him everything under the sun, I have also thought it is because he is a failure, but he is ‘also‘ one of those people who is so sceptical he wont even try.

What a fabulous post. I am always surrounded by nay sayers giving me their opinions! The day I learnt to ignore them all was the best day of my life! Amen to you Torre

This lifted me mood. I am about to finish my full time study doing Motorsport. I have a dream of entering in a Motorpsort team and travel the world doing what Im passionate about, mainly Mechanics.
Before I moved from my hometown I had supportive people and the odd naysayer. I noticed the most successful people were positive towards me, but the naysayers were the ones that are stuck in a endless full time job.
Before this course I hated my job as a Butcher, sure I got a trade behind me but it wasn’t my passion and Motorsport was. I was 18 years old when I started the Butchery apprenticeship so couldn’t let a trade slip from my sights. but the job was very endless and boring.
But this year I have achieved so much, I have been working in a racing team building NZV8s, which are based off a V8 Supercar, and help build heaps of high end racing cars. I have worked my butt off to get my name out there in the industry, because Motorsport is where the guys with big wallets, egos and contacts hang out. At my course I am one a top student and recently, I have been awarded a Scholarship. This shows me I am achieving my dream.
I am not rushing, Im started from the bottom and taking this step by step.
But at the moment I have a closely related naysayer which is my cousin. He works full time. He said to me “You need to have a reality check” “Why did you leave your old job” A few other choice words too, but he never had as I know of had a dream of his own.
I thought of leaving this course and giving it up. this is how much his words affected me.
I never give up and never quit.
People like this are poison, and should never doubt a persons ability.
Thanks Torre DeRoche your a inspiration.

Hey TORRE,
im kevin , 23 years old i had this one special dream, which i never share with anyone before beside my mom and i had study hard for it. i always want to be a game designer but in the end my mom she has turn it down. she always want me to be something else. after that all i could do is go to work and not to think much about school. i start going to work as soon as i finish my High School degree. i’ve not going back to school almost 4 years.i also start not to give a fuck about anything anymore. i lost all of my positive though and felling inside of me. on top of that i always though about suicide every time i though about my conversation between me and my mom. and now there more people who i surrounded with are bringing me more negative felling. i always though i wanted to move out. i know that i could support myself but the thing is that i love my mom so much, i always started to feel sad when i starting to shout at her because i wanted her to realize that i want best for my self. i always started crying bit by bit when i’m a lone. since my dream has crush i found another hobby that i could be comfortable with. is being a film maker. but this time i need to know what should i do.. is this about time for me to open her eyes and mind. by leaving her behind. i know it cruel and shame but it be best for me in the future. and maybe i possibly smile a lot. even i’m on my own. the world is cruel very cruel.

Hi I’m only 11 turing 12 and i will never forget my parents for the thing they just did they decided to no let me trial for transtasmen which was my dream and if i got in which i would’ve then i would go to aussie and compete. what should i do with my parents and what should i tell everybody at school as i told them that i was trailing because that what my parents said.
Please help!!!

Love it! totally, completely true! Thank you for this amazing article!

from manager to mom- fear of being insignificant- best decision was to be a full time mom to two twin boys – NO REGRETS

working in special education – no degree- those with the phds can observe the classroom full of 3 year olds ask themselves who is the teacher? no regrets not finishing a degree- being an assistant to quality educators suits me just fine- TEAMWORK- no returning to public schools- enter into education- just private schools boys & girls- SO FUN! does the 3 year ever figure out who “has” the PHD?
always bring god to class….HUGS

adventures across the country- care for family members from the east coast to the west coasts- culture shock is ongoing- eventually the teachable moments enrich a lifestyle that is worth repeating
many defining moments as a woman who is from both the east & west coasts
kiss kiss hug!
forgiving & selective remembering may be necessary for healing

i am so glad to know that there’s a name for those kinds of ppl. i kinda had “soap in ur mouth” type of name for them. after 6 yrs of hard work, i, at last graduated medical college, and now when i am thinking of taking a hiatus before picking a specialty in clinical field of my choice, my family full of naysayers, are coming forward and forcing me to just pick up any random subject. i so want to punch them. my beautiful revenge would be, asking them to be in, last of the queue for their appointment to meet me.

Love love love this! I have the article saved and use it as a “go-to” when I’m feeling down.

Thank you for being my inspiration- to keep trying, to keep striving for my dreams.

X

I’ve been told many times that my dreams are silly. I’m so big picture I don’t worry about my success or failure. I’d rather teach and help college students learn about themselves while making poetry, and writing music my life when I’m not working (again to hopefully put my emotions into it, perhaps helping someone)

“There aren’t many jobs in teaching.” “Lit/English major? Get ready to work retail.” “Just do engineering, or IT. There’s always money in IT work.”

What about worrying about your own sad ass life of failures instead of trying to crush my happiness because you don’t know yourself and can’t understand it. Furthermore, I’ll move anywhere in the world for work. You are too afraid to leave the area you are comfortable with, I’m not.

Reality, goals, success, failure, what life means… it’s all so subjective. If only everyone saw things that way.

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Thank you. THANK YOU. I have no more words to express how delighted this article was for me, as I am surrounded by naysayers, specially at work (my boss is an expert doing that).
I don’t feel lonely anymore, and this is a must read article for all the dreamers out there that want some confidence.
Thank you again!

Hi Torre,

Reading this definitely made me feel a bit better after a tough conversation with my mother. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about opening my own coffee shop in my small town – serving homemade pies, quiches, and various other things. The idea has come and gone over the past four years, but now that I’ve graduated from university it seems to constantly be at the back of my mind. The issue I’m facing is that my mother doesn’t believe I have the focus and discipline to go through with it even though two days ago, she was completely on board. What makes it more difficult is that the self-confidence of my entire family isn’t the best after a rough year of my father passing and multiple other issues. My mother believes I should stay alone in Toronto and keep looking for work, even though I haven’t found anything in months, but I feel like I need a fresh start back home where I can be with family and a dream I’m excited about. I know this isn’t really the type of place to ask this, but I was just wondering what you would do if you were dealing with similar circumstances.

I’m a student and I want to be a psychiatrist when I’m older I want to help people with depression and other serious mental illnesses because people tend to misunderstand them and just think their crazy. Any way my point is my parents won’t support me they I’ll end up in a mental home and they just throw negative information at me which puts me down. And I will keep going for my goal in life if they don’t like it then they can go and discourage someone else. My choice my dream I’m determined to go for it.

I’m living with my female partner, we have 2 daughters aged 3 & 4.the point is I’ve been a bricklayer, a bell boy, a prep chef and joined the ta army which some people take the milk out of, they don’t realise that to get in you have to to the same test has the regular army. Anyway my partner started university late last year.the thing is she’s getting the maximum help with this education example gadgets & someone doing shorthand for her, well I told her that when I was in the forces I did a teaching lesson on weapons, chemical & biological weapons, she called me a lier & I said why are you calling me a lier she said become I’m to thick, she said I was like forest gumb. I wentered mad with her and upset stormed out of the supermarket and back home, she got home before me and swore and said open the fuxxing door when we got in she said our relationship was over.I wish it was, has at this moment in time I’m at home with a broken shoulder, broken rib, and a couloir bone broke in two places.by the way I do have a job I work in a school has a cleaner that’s something else she calls me thick for, I do twenty five hours a week & bike to work, that’s the reason I’ve got broken bones because someone went through a red light and hit me.the reason why I’ve not left her is I’ve no were to go and I’m sure she’ll get the right to keep the children has she is a good mother put a terrible partner.we never fight in front of the girls.she not at university this week or next has she’s can not be bothered.

all my life i felt afraid… of one main thing… of being homeless and not having the security and safety of a shelter… something i hoped to be permanent safe happy.
i was not protected or safe from folks who destroyed sense of security in me beginning at a young age… and into my adulthood.
i always wanted a dream home of my own… my mother to this day tells me “no… no… no… YOU can’t do it !!!”
i recently lost every thing … now i am stuck with HER for now. it’s been real hard.

Hey there, You’ve done an incredible job. I will certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
I am confident they’ll be benefited from this website.

I just came across this page from the web search, because I was so tired of my mother always standing in my way and telling me I am not “allowed” to achieve my dream. I am so tired of hearing how she wants me to live my life and pick my career. I did NOT study 7 years of medicine so that she picks the specialty for me. This is my life and she has no right to tell me how to live it. I am an adult and all she has to do as a mother is support me. I am not going to change and shape my dreams so that it suits her. This is my dream and I will hunt it like an animals running after its prey.
Your words are very inspiring. I feel like I’m not alone and whatever I was thinking was not wrong.
Thank you.

Hey! I want to thank you for this! My dream is to become a writer but I have to say that absolutely nobody supports me. My grandparents don’t believe this is even possible, dad is something like you can try it, but you’ll fail and mom thinks that this is a “job” that will not bring me enough money. I’ve been afraid to share this with someone, because I didn’t want to hear that it is not for me, again. But your article helped me very much and now I feel confident again about following my dream. Thank you very much!

LMFAO!! The “Ignore” dude up there (Blah Blah Blah) is totally me. I was given an ultimatum to leave the house because of my dreams. It might sound crazy but I’m embracing the idea. Even if my mother doesn’t seem supportive, she is somehow giving me the push I need in order to be myself. Therefore, she is supportive (!?) Crazy, huh? I won’t let my inner demons take control anymore.

Wow, I love it. I laughed my ass off. It’s all so true. Thank you.

Article writing is also a fun, if you know after that you can write or else it is difficult to write.

What’s up everybody, here every person is sharing these
kinds of experience, therefore it’s good to read this
blog, and I used to visit this weblog every day.

I’m dealing with many naysayers, almost too many to count. The town I live is singling me out not in support of my dreams. Its not only coworkers and family members but its people on the street and its getting over whelming. Im trying my hardest to align my life but the whole town is breaking it apart. I’ve tried everything to leave to degrading town I live in but it always seems to get worse. I’m getting pushed down so much that I feel like there’s no way to get back up. Even therapists dont care. It seems hopeless i need help.

You are so interesting! I do not think I have read through a single
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topic. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This site is something that’s needed on the internet,
someone with a little originality!

I have a question. I have been dating a girl for just over a year. I am separated and have 2 teenaged girls and she has two boys 11 and 14. Prior to meeting her I had coached high level boys hockey but after meeting her I decided to take a break for now as I was in a new relationship. A year later we dont live together. 9 months into relationship, due to an incident and assist coach quitting, I was offered to return to finish this season with them. I was really excited, my girls were like go for it dad and my exwife has always been supportive in taking girls so that I could coach as it was a paying job. I told my girlfriend about it and she was upset. Said that it was ridiculous to do it due to our relationship and things I would miss out with my kids. She also said she talked to her friends about it and they said it was ridiculous too. Now that season is winding down and the most crucial year is coming up this next fall, I have been asked to join the same team as an assistant. Its 2 practices and 2 games per week plus tournaments. It is an amazing opportunity as it is the draft year for these kids and would be a once in a life time opportunity. I want to do this but I question whether I am being selfish, even though my kids are supportive, or am I with someone whose own insecurities and neediness is taking them over. I know she loves me and wants to spend time with me but I also need to pursue my dreams and this one only exists for a chosen few and last about 8 months. Please let me know your thoughts good or bad.

Hurrah! Finally I got a website from where I be capable of truly obtain helpful information concerning my study and knowledge.

Hi Torre, my name is Travis. I want to start by saying that I really enjoyed this article and your writing style. It is a subject that I am passionate about and I’m not joking when I say “I want to be like you when I grow up” lol. I’m not sure if this a request for advice or because I want to reach out to someone who “gets it” or a little of both. All I know is that I’ve just had a “mutual separation” with my employer because the work I was doing made me feel like I was doing something that was wrong and it was eating at my conscience. My problem in all of this is, where I see a huge opportunity to write and finally take a chance and go for something other than the table scraps left over from corporate america, all my family sees is that I need to hurry and get “another job.” My view on this is, if we spend all of our time at jobs that we hate and never get to see each other, then what is the fucking point! (excuse my language) But seriously, they’re driving me crazy! Every time I try to bring up anything other than looking for work in all the usual places everyone shuts down. I love them and I want to take them with me when I do make it but how do I get them to see that if we never try we’re never going to get!? I’m sorry for the rant but all the people in my life are “naysayers” and I have no one to talk to, if anyone could offer some advice it would be greatly appreciated.

A few years back, I self published two novels I had written that I been having trouble selling to publishers. I wanted to get them out and see if people would read and like them. A friend of mine, who was having similar issues with a rather ponderous historical novel of his own, commented that I would never be taken seriously as an author if I self-published. He just self published HIS novel, and I haven’t been participating in the hype. Not only did he naysay, he turned around and did the action that he naysaid about in the first place.

magnificent issues altogether, you just received a new reader.
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Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve visited this site before but after browsing through a few of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
Anyways, I’m definitely delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll
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Hey Torre
and WOW, I’m really encouraged n I now know how to deal with my boyfriend being such a prick hey, but thank you. I’ll sooooo live my dream n be unapologetic about it!

I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this website.

I really hope to view the same high-grade blog posts from
you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing
abilities has inspired me to get my own website now 😉

I have always wanted to be a ballet dancer, but my friend beat me to it and she would call me a copycat I just know it. I’m only in middle school, and most dancers start dancing when they are young, but I don’t wanna have a dead friendship and I can’t find new friends because I’m homeschooled but I thought I might at dance but I don’t wanna take that risk. Plus my extended family + dad is so wierd about ”what we’re interested in” and I don’t want them watching me dance because I would probably mess up and I have so many problems like really low self-esteem and really low confidence and I just crawled away from depression so yeah and I am just so messed up and I feel like everything is connected in some way and I just wanna press the reset button cause my life is so twisted and I don’t wanna commit suicide or cut or anything I just wanna fit in. That’s all I ever wanted in life. I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry I just am so jealous of my friend who beat me to it cause she has a perfect life one bro one sister and two loving parents and shes super skinny and nice and has perfect teeth and pretty blonde hair and doesn’t have to get a surgery like I do next month……. :'(
I’m so messed up please help I wanna do dance so freaking bad because I’ve always wanted to no one knows how many emotions and how much pain I’ve never ever released please please help im so sorry to bug you and waste your time but I need help.

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I absolutely love this, it is spot on and exactly what I needed to hear right now.

I’ve wanted to be an actress all my life. My family supported me and as young as 3 I begun acting classes. But despite the support from my mum, grandparents and little brother, aunts, uncles and cousins from my fathers side constantly tried to discourage it. They accused my mum of being an irresponsible parant for allowing me to persue my dreams of acting, saying no one can ever truly make a living from it

Unfortunately as I grew up, I came across more dream crushers in the form of my teachers. I was dislexic but the teachers ignored that idea. I was constantly ridiculed as an idiot and was told “If you were a REAL person you’d spend less time daydreamig about acting and more time learning important things you stupid girl.”

From primary school until my last year of high school I was made an example of a bum, stupid and lazy, and someone who would never get anyway in life. On my last day of school it was non uniform day. So I ware my warpaint which was thick black eyeliner and lightening bolts down my cheeks. The teachers heard Id applied for a drama course in collage, so decided to hold me down and scrub my makeup off infront of the school. They paraided me around as the failure of the school until the end of the day.

It took me 2 years after to tell anyone about the abuse my teachers gave me.

In the 3 years I spent in collage, I met other nay-sayers who challanged my dreams as an actress, but never in my life did I truly listen to them. And now I’m 20 years old, living in my own flat working towards touring across the UK with a stage show I wrote. If your prepared to work for what you want, those nay-sayers hold no power over you

They are everywhere. It has been my lifelong dream to become an author of high fantasy. I have been writing comics, short stories and poems from a very young age; but have had no true support. I am now 19 and am resisting the darn naysayers. I have written the draft of my first novel ( about 100 000 words / 400 pages) but my support dwindles. Having naysayers in the family is bad, but when it is your own mother it is the worst. She is a copywriter and editor, and writes for a living (not books, but adverts and the like). I kept my recent novel plan a secret in fear of naysayers, and have only exposed myself slightly now. My dad has read the entire thing and says I’m great. My mother, however, told my brother it was crap. A first draft is never ever perfect, and my confidence has been shaken; hence the reason I discovered this page. My mother’s opinion is the one that matters the most. But she is the biggest naysayer of all time. My dream is to write. I may be good at science and academic subjects, but my drive and passion revolve around writing. At the moment: my writing is my life, and my life is my writing. I am off to university to study science; a thing I was forced into. I feel as though my dreams are falling away and that my creativity will be halted by my studies. My path has been chosen, and there seems to be no way back…

Hi, dreamers. I am a naysayer, a dream-killer of both my own dreams and that of my husbands. A lot of what you wrote about is true about wanting a normal, secure and predictable life. I find comfort in these things, I am personally successful but I like adventure, I am in the military and love to travel. However my spouse has constantly struggled with getting their career off the ground and I didn’t always agree with the genre of music he wants to market-Rap/Hip Hop. We have been together 20yrs and married 12. He has supported me and my career in the military and I have tried to support him by financing his business ventures, tours and giving him time to go away for months at a time to work on him projects in the cities where he could thrive. But inside I always felt he was going about the wrong way. Now he feels like a failure not accomplishing his dream and 40 yrs old is not too far away. I felt he has appreciated the support I am able to give. Really we are on the brink of splitting up because it doesn’t seem like we will ever see eye to eye on this. I could use some advice. Especially since he has found the emotional support (naysayser don’t give) from one of his female artists. Their close relationship threatens me and his past and recent unfaithfulness has left me without trust and hope in our relationship. I am ready to just go our separate ways but he doesn’t want to lose me. I wish my life could be normal again.
P.S. Please take it easy on me. I am not an asshole, but I am scared, fearful and not sure what else to do.

Thanks in advance for your perspective on my situation.

There is a difference between being a naysayer and trying to stop somebody from making a mistake. This is just how there is a difference between what you call “dreamers”. Some people have fads: they become obsessed with something half-heartedly or for a small period of time. If you are not utterly devoted to your dream then find another purpose. If your dream is what you want and desire to the deepest reaches of your soul then you will understand the true nature of the dream and not a misconception.

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ummm.. I have a question:
What do i say to my mum when she just keeps naybashing me for trying to become a gamer? Because whatever i say, she would never listen. But i just wanna become a professional gamer who plays for my country and winning for my country!!!
and yes, i probably have too much confident so yea XD

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Hi Torre, Wow, wish my blog could look as good as yours.

Unfirtunately, I am surrounded by them & have decided best not to share things with people- friends and family. All unsupportive when ill & not encouraging when suggest changes. I see some cling to safety & security of relationships, work & where live. Different horses for diff courses.
Is it possible to find supportive people?

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I was in a relationship for years with someone who didn’t support my passion. I became withdrawn, isolated myself from friends and family, and gave up hope for the happy exciting life I had once lived and dreamed of.

Finally – after a full year of red flags and emotional abuse…I got out. It was hard…especially at first. The ties that he had on me held me back from seeing the light until recently. Now I am free. I am pursuing my dreams, reconnecting with people I love and care about, and finally seeing the relationship for what it really was…a lesson.

This blog post was more helpful to me than you will ever know.

Thank you,

Allie

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I got invited to the Miss American Teen beauty peagent. It isn’t like other peagents where you have to dress in bikini’s and such. You just dress nicely(cute gowns), and exhibit your talents. You also give speeches and volunteer in your community. All I have to do so far is go to a meeting about the peagent that is near my town, for two hours. That’s the only commitment we have to go to before the actual pageant in the summer. I told my parents about all of these things, but they said it is not possible for them to this(it was free), and laughed at me. I really want to pursue acting and such, and I believe this will help me get recognized and exhibit my talents.

This is very good advice, i have been putting up with a naysayer who is somebody who i used to once love for a long long time. This has now got me into a very bad and scarry place.

I’ve been dealing with naysayers my whole life! And I couldn’t agree more–IGNORE them.
I went to college 1,000 miles away from home. Of course I got a ton of “oh, do you have family there? Well then, why would you go–you won’t know anyone!”

I joined the Army right out of college. Everyone from my parents to my friends said things like “nice knowing you!” and “do you even KNOW what you’re getting yourself into? Because I don’t think you do!”

During one of my vacations in the Army, I went to Maui–alone. Yep. I was 25, hopped on a plane for Hawaii by myself. I had so many people say “you could be raped and killed!” and “why would you go there alone? I know *I* wouldn’t want to go there alone!” and “that’s kinda weird.” I ignored them and had the best vacation of my life to date.

I moved from Kansas to Florida right out of the Army, and once again had a million people ask “do you have family there? Why would you go somewhere where you don’t know anyone?” I bought my first house and a new car in Florida, live half an hour from the beach, while most of my friends are back in Oklahoma.

I took a job going to Afghanistan (where I am currently) and was surrounded by nothing but “you could die over there!” and “are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Last night I had a phone conversation with my boyfriend about how excited I am for the future–I’m working on my second Master’s degree out here in Afghanistan, and I have an interview on Thursday for the job of my LIFE. It’s just outside of Miami, pays six figures, and I’d be an agent, just like in the movies. And I said how excited I am because I talked to a recruiter and they want to take me as a counterintelligence officer. Rather than say one nice thing, he started raising his voice and telling me it’s “not bright” to go back into the reserves right after getting a new job, and it’s “going to make them hate [me]” for having to leave for training, and it’s “not a very intelligent thing to do,” and “why would you do something so dumb–why don’t you just wait about 5 years?”
I hung up on him, crushed. And I’m seriously reconsidering whether I want someone who makes me feel so bad about my dreams in my life. It can’t say anything good about us for me to feel so excited one moment, and then so horrible after talking to him.

Years after this was published and its still having an affect on people. Me in particular. I recently made a life changing decision…or a couple and its not only affected me but others as well. The decisions I’ve made are what have made me happy. I was unhappy where I was and now I’m not. But the naysayers in my life are making it difficult for me to enjoy the happiness. I’ve not given up on my old dreams, the journey to reaching them has changed. For the better in my opinion, but not in my family’s. I’ve tried talking to them, I’ve tried ignoring them, but nothing seems to work. I’ve severed ties with one parent because of the intense negativity and lack of support. Now my other parent (they’re divorced) is doing the same thing. It’s different and for different reasons, but it’s negativity nonetheless. If I sever this tie, I sever the whole tie with my entire family on that side. I don’t know how to handle this situation. If you’re still there and still responding, advice would be tremendously appreciated.

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Never give up! If those around you won’t buy in to your dream, leave them behind! Don’t wonder why or wait around, just cut the ties and move forward. You can do it! Alone if you have to.

Funny how family can sometimes be the least supportive. The best thing is to just turn a deaf ear or they will eat away at your self confidence and creativity and your work will suffer deeply. Want what you want. Work for what you want. No one has the right to shit on your dreams. Thanks for a fantastic article.

Thanks for the uplift. People have mainly family have been pissing in my party hat since I was 8. A real confidence builder. I am a stay at home wife and mother.who at 33 now knows after weighing it to be a stewardess. 31 thousand for a university study here where I live in the Netherlands. Not much support and it is depressing. Only my mother supports. My dad raised me and raised me to be what I am now. Yey.Can’t get a job to pay because no one is hiring. So looking to make video to help raise this money. Which I have never done.This made me laugh. Love your humor

I love this article and can relate to it.

Thank you for writing and sharing this. It’s people like you who motivates us and inspires us.

My dearest Family are the Naysayers in my Life My mother-in-law who I LOVE to pieces is the worst & I am by no means doing anything CRAZY just getting involved in volunteer work with my community & I like staying fit- to which she says I should keep my Fat clothes because I’ll get bigger again & I shouldn’t volunteer because its NOT good for my family…huh? then I read the definition & she has Fear, she has no ambitions of her own, she like everything simple & manageable & I’m jumping out her box..hubby follows her footsteps a bit- but ultimately he’ll ask if it Makes me happy & as long as it doesn’t interfere with his hobbies he’s cool with it…Thanks for the article, I know I am doing what I was meant to do. Now is there a way to change a Naysayer aroung- shes had weight problems all her life always off & on a diet. Now I understand the Naysayer brain perhaps I can figure how to turn it around & help her with her own goals & ambitions. My hubby hs plenty goals of his own, just tight on funds which maybe I can help get him sponsorship through my community volunteerism so he can do his hobbies. Have a great one & DREAM On!

Everyday I face them; it sometimes make me feel like sh*t when people reply as they do. I sometimes remind myself of who they are and how they have been limited in their lives and it helps me to keep going, but today is one of those days where I feel overwhelmed with discouragement and confuse. I know giving up would make me feel even worst, eventually, so I try my best to keep on striving. It gets so hard when it feels like your all alone with your dreams and trying to make them into something spectacular.

I some times feel fearful of failure, sometimes sleepless nights of my brain raising with thoughts and ideas. True is; we can success alone, it takes support or some kind from someone and weeding out the “ass-wholes” can be pretty exhausting.

Very good article, thank you!

thks for the adivices, I was really frustrated that people just don’t let dream.
My boyfriend does not support my dream.

I have got what I was looking for this blog is extremely inspiring thnx dear keep doing your marvellous gift.I wish I can have a place to keep this so that I can always look on it everyday, because I want to live this.I want it to be my soulmate. I have met with many naysayers and am still encountering with them so it wil be my weapon.

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I’m 15, when I’m older, i want to move to japan, and work as a graphic designer or character designer, and earlier today, my grandmother said to me “it’s likely that you’re not even going to get there”
I, having ASD, take peoples words very seriously, I don’t know if she is right or not, I’m wondering if I should give up on my Japanese language studies and just work in england, unless she is wrong and it would really be achievable.

She told me that it is very “hard” to get a job in japan even though many foreigners have done so, and she told me that they “won’t want or need me”

people have always told me that they nobody wants me and that nobody needs me, so I don’t know if she’s right or not.

This article is so incredibly helpful. I have so many naysayers in my life always trying to crush my ambition because they are satisfied with thier uneventful lives. Its almost lonely sometimes being around them, yet i am more sad for the.

jsjd

LET THE NAYSLAYING COMMENCE!!

Hi! I just want to ask a question.. my dad is very good, noble and loving man in my life. He is truly kind, compassionate, every word that sums up to being good..but the thing is, he doesn’t seem to be that much supportive in my dreams. I mean, when there are events, auditions and stuff like that, he’s okay with them but I feel like sometimes he’s just doing that simply becausr it’s part of his role being a good father. I don’t know but I feel as if it’s somewhat forced.. He thinks it’s not a serious thing, ambition..or it’s just something to put aside (insignificant dream) He even thinks that I do it because I’m trying to copy my friend, want to boast or I’m not really serious about it..like I jump from one hobby to another but not really into it, like it’s a temporary hobby. I, have a passion for singing eversince I was a little girl. Growing up, I kept the interest hidden from anyone. I just started showing it gradually when I was at my junior year in high school. My dad never really heard me sing, just little segments from my youtube videos. He heard me sing that one time and I saw a look from his face thats..well I can’t really tell what he thought about it. Nevertheless, everytime I mention singing, he thinks I should do something more businessy, something that makes more money and I get really hurt hearing those from him. I tried liking those stuff and will even take a business course in university since it would come in handy someday plus could act as a back up plan in case my music dreams in the future be put on hold. But, i still feel like he’ll never see my own individuality, my own interests. No matter how I try to talk it out to him, I can’t seem to let him know what I really want. As much as I love and respect him, I feel as if, there’s something missing..the support and recognition of his daughter’s passions. I sometimes wish I could have the interests he wants me to develop just to make him proud of me, but a part of me still wants to cling to the desires/dreams of my heart. What do you suggest I should do? I tried bringing this topic up to my dad, tried to explain, talk gently, but he doesnt seem to get the point and he’ll just start giving me sermons about the ways of the world, how I should live and act to survive.

Just today, I told my family my dreams. They kept saying things like ‘I used to know someone who tried that and it didn’t work out for them’ and ‘millions of people try that everyday and it doesn’t work out’. They say things like that every time I tell them my dreams. I’m only 13 so I would really like them to support my dreams for once.
Thank you for the post, it really helped.
P.s I loved the art!

I’m Asian, the youngest in my family, and my parents want me to go into IT, or at least Business, but I’ve always wanted to take up Interior Design. My older brother(first child) went to an art school, but he dropped out because my parents told him to.
Now my parents refuse to give me a chance to try out my dreams, or sign up for any sort of artistic course like Interior Design, saying that if the school or the path was good why did they ask my brother to drop out? They say there’s no future in art, I won’t make any money and , and they refuse to pay the registration fees for the college I chose. I have no support, and no way of funding myself. I probably have to go along with their wishes…
Ignoring doesn’t work, severing ties is impossible, and they won’t listen to a word I say…

Isn’t there anything I can do? ):

Thank you. I’ve been following my dreams through out high school and my dad said it was fine being in theater during hs but it’s not a realistic job. I got advice from rowan blachard from girl meets world. She and sabrina carpenter both said that one no doesn’t mean mean no for every audition

my brother, last night, recently crushed my dream of becoming a videogame programmer. he basically deleted 3 years of blood, sweat, and tears, and proceeded to say some really mean things. this really helped, but i still feel like im in a hole, and the harder i try at things, the deeper the hole gets. so, im not getting out of the hole anyways, and i ended hacking his PC. i deleted everything he loves on it, and put a few homemade viruses on there. starting at 0300 hours, i will have full [remote] control of his PC. if he tries anything, i press a button, and his PC will be rendered unusable.

Being originally a drummer who graduated into a serious songwriter I was told to stay behind the drumkit.I was also told to not sing unless I was singing backing vocals! I was mostly discouraged but that is because some people are jealous! I have met better and worse musicians than myself but have never been the jealous type as it’s a waste of energy! Everyone has strengths in some area.I need to be around passionate people who can dream at times.Seems Canada could care less about its own talent until they succeed and move to the USA or Europe! Shame on you!

I am 16 years old and my dream is to become a successful actor one day. My plan is to major in theatre arts at a school in New York or elsewhere, and my parents have flat out told me if I do theatre they won’t support me. I honestly don’t give two shits about what they say but them not supporting me really makes me fear that I am really not gonna make it. So it scares me. That’s really it.

My boyfriend turns down all my ideas. Its tearing me up. Should I leave even though I love him?

I want to make YouTube videos, for a living. I’ve been acting (all theatre, for now) since I was 7. I’m now 17, and I’ve bought all the equipment with my own money, for YouTube. I have the best quality DSLR camera I could afford, a top grade microphone, I even got a macbook for the holidays (an early college present from my parents). I have everything I need to succeed, except my parents’ unconditional support and time and freedom to do what I need to do for success. I’m a very good student, with a 3.7 GPA, so school isn’t the issue here. Neither is discipline, because while I may not do all my chores the first time I’m asked, they all get done, and I don’t break my parents’ rules. I simply do not understand why they won’t support my dreams, especially after all the work and money I’ve put into them. It’s frustrating. I had a plan in place, it seemed like heaven, but my parents do not even try to understand!

I just turned off my Give a Sh!t button and it feels good. I am two days of starting the job I have been praying, meditating for and my family does not support me because this position will have me relocate to a different state. Certain circumstances forced me to return home because a job that I relocated for did not pay me. However, in that previous situation I was unaware of that particular industry and not only did they not pay me but they also didnt pay other staff and bounced checks! That is not something I have to worry about and I actually went through 5 months of depression to recover from that situation. Once I was better I began to apply for jobs, On my Terms!, and I got and accepted a great work from home position. No longer do I have to go into an office and face the office bullies. No more feelings of guilt when my child is sick and mommy has to call of work. I work from home, I manage my own time, and It feels damn good. I have to be in positive spirits before I fly out for this training so right now I am doing my best to ignore and stay away from my family before my flight. I don’t even want them to drop me off at the airport!

Yep, my dreams have been slayed by a narcissistic jealous husband who cannot stand the attention I get from others when I sing. For years I put my dream on the back burner to raise kids and help with the family business. Now my youngest is in college and I am feeling a very strong need to do what I have always wanted to do. I’m not talking about anything big time, I just want to do some local stuff to fulfill my musical soul. I have thought of divorcing him but 28 years is a lot of history and it’s like too good to leave too bad to stay. Maybe I’m being selfish but I don’t care anymore the window of opportunity is getting smaller by the day. My son is musical and doing his own thing because it’s not cool to play music with momma lol. Also I think my husband has discouraged it and my son doesn’t want to upset his dad. I have told him how happy is makes me but obviously my happiness is irrelevant. So I’m at a crossroads right now but I will do this with or without support. If he gets upset that’s his problem not mine.

Great article! I can relate. I’m a professional writer and graphical artist. Most people in my life aren’t supportive. If I post about my work on Facebook, I get few likes or comments. It makes me feel hurt and rejected. Nowadays, I rarely mention my work to family and friends.

On the other hand, I have an artist friend who designs covers for a book publisher. His work is mediocre at best, and yet he gets tons of likes and comments every time he posts something. I think it’s because his connection to the book industry somehow validates him as an artist in their minds.

Anyhow, I think silence is the worst type of naysayer. If someone openly criticizes me, at least I know what they’re thinking. But It’s impossible to battle silence. It makes me feel like my work isn’t even worthy of being acknowledged.

I have a partner who helps others with their dreams, but when it comes to mine, I have to ask for help. Why should I have to ask when I am the partner and doing so would take up my partners time from what he likes to do with others but not me, his partner

funny and right to the point, to bad the A-holes just don’t get it.

My dad is super unsupportive of me. He always tries to shoot down my dreams, saying I can’t do anything. I’ve given up on my dream to start a business, to create a bright future for myself all because he doesn’t believe in me. I hate him.

I don’t get it I’m 12 so I’m a minor and it’s my parents who don’t believe in me I mean I can’t runaway or move out even though I want to. I want to be an actress my acting teacher who has been in commercials and went to collage for acting says I have great potential and she inspired me. My parents say they believe in me but she won’t get me an acting coach or sign me up for anything to get more experience evreythings always a scam and If I ever get a job out of state she wouldn’t take me she said if we lived in NYC or CA she would help me but no one helps me they just laugh they want me to go to collage but whats that gonna do help me get a desk job be a lawnmower like my dad I don’t want to do that they said that I was special I wish they would mean it. HELP!!!

I want to pursue my dreams in a YouTube career. My brother has said things like, “It won’t work.” Or my family has said “You won’t get noticed, or popular. You can’t make money off of it because you don’t know how.” That’s why I have to learn. I have been watching YouTube for almost 4 years and I love it! It’s what I want to do. Entertain people. Make them happy. But nobody believes in me but myself. Of course I’ll have to get a job and make money to get all of the necessities, but after that, I want to make YouTube my job. I want to show the world me. I want to show them my life and my humor. It’s all I want.

Nice finger shadow art. GR8 idea of using shadows of finger to make head of person:)

i want to be a choreographer bt my parents are not supporting me 🙁

i want to be a choreographer but my parents are not supporting me 🙁

This made me feel good, I want to be an investment banker and every now and the then someone will shit on my dream and sometimes that causes me to doubt myself. it is probably obvious that this has helped me a lot and although this maybe an old post, I thank you and I wish you good in your ambitions in like. Thank you.

You are so right about the ones who use the “normal” people response. It happened with me from co-workers at a dead end job where I had been working for over 3 years after high school.
I finally decided I wanted to achieve much more than what I was at that time. Not 1….It was 3 different co-workers told me that regular Joe’s like “us” do not get nice degrees. They even broke out in laughter when I explained that I was indeed going on to a higher education. That’s okay, I look back and have a laugh myself. However, at the time it really affected me and I was losing self esteem quickly.

Thankfully I went on and achieved exactly what I wanted! As for the guys who said “regular Joe’s like you just don’t go to college”, well as you stated “ignore”. You clearly pointed out if it is someone that you care about saying negative things then to talk it out. However, those guys fell into the other category.

You. Are. Amazing.

I’m dealing with one at the moment. Someone who I have recognised does not support me at all in any way & I have supported way too much!!! I’ve just not figured out the best way to deal with it yet. :-/

Thank you very much for writing that. That was very inspiring. I was crying myself because it feels like no one believes in my desire and passion to attend grad school to get my master’s in music performance and composition. But that is what I truly want to do in my life. Your writing gives me hope and encouragement. Thank you again. I hope to do very well this semester…my first year of my MFA program.

Thank you for this. It’s very inspiring. I’m a woman in her early 20s who recently got a job in a new company that has huge potential. Nobody really supports me. It took a painstakingly long time to make my mom understand But my relatives? Well fuck them. I’ve always been seen as a black sheep so I’m used to it. I will get the last laugh when I wave my paycheck in their faces.

My friend is struggling to fulfill her dream because of her control freak husband
We help her with financially still he won’t let her get out of the house .

Love the article. Very informative… and true

Hi
I really enjoyed reading this and it seriously made me laugh. I have been surrounded by naysayers all my life starting from so called parents who where so negative towards me in every way that the contact-communication was cut of for good since teenage days. Because of the assholes who came in the form of parents, I literally was attracted and drawn to assholes and been blown here and there time and again. Now at 24 , I finally have found myself, peach, harmony and created my identity. All doors closed on all forms of naysayers in the flesh, I recognizes naysayers attributes miles away and closes the door way before I have even started investing anything on the person, and I am finally beginning to gather a group of true friends around me. My advice is to not give a shitt, a person is responsible for their life and behavior and nobody should waste their investments in such persons when there are so many top quality people out there who reflects your own nature.

Hi,

Thank you for this post! Its helping me to understand that I am the normal here,and I should follow my dreams and intuition..

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So I was just picked up by a publisher and contracted to be a part of a large convention with lots of celebs for a book signing. My problem is my family doesn’t naysay so much as refuse to acknowledge it. I told them and they changed the subject to a strange lawnmower they seen. I change it back to my exciting good news…and it goes back to the lawnmower. They have yet to ask a thing about my book or the convention and didn’t bother buying my last book. Now my momentum is completely shot… I have a band backing me on my next book because i told them some of their work inspired my book, but i can hardly work on it because i have 2 jobs (my dad wants me to work for him everyday my other job gives me a day off) and a toddler who no one will watch for a few hours on the occasional saturday so i can write. Any advice?

Just… yes. I did grow a beard though…

I am 11 years old. my mother asked what I wanted to be when I turn 18 I told her I wanted to be a mixologist. Everyone at our table started to laugh, I started crying and ran into the bathroom. I’m still I the bathroom typing this so I have to leave soon.
-Alice Waters

So what you are saying is if you have a kinda-semi normal dream then people are assholes!!
But who are you to judge that someones dream of Lazying around is not normal approved? ? Thus you are kinda a jerk too!!
Aside from that I’ll say this none of us asked to be here so why does anyone waste time caring or in most cases pretending to care?? I say do what you want

I am just being realistic. If that is what makes me become an asshole, well then be it. I don’t chase after dreams that seem impossible to me. Risking is not my style and I don’t regret to miss such an opportunity. I like to have my life organized and assured. I dont like people who chase after their dreams but crawling back whining after their failure. If they succeeded, OK, I am happy for them but saying something like “I want to be an entrepreneur and earn lots of money after uni”, sry I cannot support this. A person who just finished the bachelor or master doesnt have the budget for his/her own business neither does he/she has any experience. “Go and work for a couple years and we can talk about this topic” is what I would say.

My dream is to become a soccer player, but everyone is doubting me even my own family. But I’m strong and I won’t give up. But I really need ur help. Cuz in my culture we don’t have u know soccer players or dreamers. U just finish skool go to college get married get kids then die. But I wanna make a difference so plz motivate me and help me thnx

Thanks for writing this! I love the quote at the beginning, haha, it all makes sense now!

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My family are naysayers. However my husband is worse. He not only speaks down on my businesses. He would make the successes of them look like they’re coming out of a gutter. He wants me to get a 9 to 5 although we agreed that I start my new business less than 30 days ago. Therapy, here I come.

So basically everyone who can find a fundamental flaw in an bringing an idea (in your pre-frontal cortex mind you) into reality is automatically an asshole? It sounds to me like you want to believe in what’s commonly referred to as “wishful thinking”. Do you realize that what you’ve stated makes you look like a complete fool:

1) Anything anyone can imagine they can make happen and we should support that effort regardless of the amount of information and evidence to suggest it might be a little bit optimistic. I mean hey I had this great idea that I’m going to genetically engineer money trees and bring financial freedom and security to the entire world. Please support my super important idea!
2) Anyone who disagrees with #1 is an asshole

Wow QED bravo! Remember “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Now, just because I stated the above does not mean the binary opposite is true. I did not do that just to say “dreams suck and no one will ever have their dreams come true”. Nope, because that would be equally erroneous and negative as much as what you said.

The reality is some dreams will come true and some dreams won’t. Now for a little bit of your unicorn forest, fairy optimism dust: why don’t we ask ourselves why so we can have more people have their dreams come true? What a concept! 🙂

I am 33 nearly 34 next week. Divorced and re married with 3 children. I have always been told what I can’t do or what is impossible since I was 8. I wanted to act and my father said it wasn’t realistic or achievable. My mother had went into the air force and it was looked at as leaving us and they divorced.so we went to my father and was raised by grandmothers and step moms. I was raised women stayed at home and if we wanted a job then it should be nursing. I was always told I was good at taking care of people. I wanted to be a writer and artist. My dad and his mother said I was creative but it wasn’t realistic. Just get married and have kids they said because college was way too expensive. At 11 I had my first serious boyfriend and when we were nearly 18 he asked me to marry him. My step mother broke it up because she was jealous. Then I moved with my mother at 18 in Germany where my step father was stationed on the airforce. Met my future husband and we had two kids. I didn’t go to university to be an arts major. My husband’s family were nee sayers when I wanted to go into the airforce. Then he left me when I wasn’t able to get a job to help pay bills. I wanted to be a stewardes but wasn’t able because I didn’t know the language well and no Dutch diploma. I landed in welfare and was able to follow a nursing course via the tow counsel that in the end hasn’t been enough to get me a job. Now I want to follow a 6 months study to be a stewardess that is 5000 euros and my husband isnt supporting me on it and neither are his parents or my ex husband. I want to do this but now trying to figure out how to get the money together. It has always been what i can’t do and not what I can do. Nee Sayers my whole life. I am now being told it will mess up relationships.

Thank you so much for your essay on “Families whose discourage the artiste” You are very brave for practicing your many creative talents. I was trying to find something on the subject of envy among families and friends. It is awful to be artistic and come from a family of normative, complacent, conservative and unloving folks. The artist have an eccentric mind, we dont conform to social norms, because we love to recreate new ways of seeing, being and living in the world. But I also dont care to conform to “NormalVille” I just want to become the best performer and the best singer ever, because music and laughter fills my heart with joy and helps me release, pain, frustration, happiness etc… It hurts that my family wont open their mouth to encourage me, it makes me feel depressed. But reading your essay made me see that “I might be surrounded by ass holes” as you said. Thank you so much. Your joy, creativity and freedom it is contagious. You are the Sun for everyone who comes your way. E

What if my parents are the ones who don’t support me?

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Good article. I will be facing a few of these issues as well..

My mom is usually the one ot supporting my dreams. She said I’m not normal if I follow my dream of being a novellist. I tried to talk her about it but, she said I should just leave her house and never come back if I don’t follow her ‘orders’. The more I try to talk to her that there is no problem about it, the more she tries to find reasons to discourage me from following it. What can I do?

i wanna follow my dreams and become an actor/singer and its nit because im not good they all say i sound wonderful but they think that regular school will give me what i need and its not i wanna go to a visual art school

well i have really hard time. I have to choose profession and i don’t know what to do. I mean i know what i want to become but no one supports me neither my family nor my friends. They think it’s so impossible to reach my dreams that i don’t even say what i really want to become. Your advice was really helpful and thanks a lot for it!!!

Thank you for this article. This helped me to feel a bit more empowered and to trust myself. I’m currently going through a college major debacle. In short, my parents don’t support what I would like to pursue. Keep writing!

I am currently in high school and we have all been talking about our plans for after. I mentioned a whole ago that I don’t want to go to college. (For me it wouldn’t benefit.) I have a plan of where to buy a house and work at the auto parts store. My friends basically said it was lame. I have stuck with that plan for a long time now. They all basically said “you need to go to college, or else you will be a poor creepy guy”. They are always making jokes about me right in front of me and laugh straight to my face (like “we could picture him in a white van giving out candy and not know what’s wrong with that” half of them don’t even know how to put wins hold wiper fluid in a car. All they do is sit in front of a screen all day and play video games. It’s now what I would do, but I don’t make fun about others for what they like and do, everyone has their own life. Just because I haven’t seen or are really interested in the movies they like, and because I don’t want to do what they want, they shoot me down. They say I will live with my parents and not be successful. I know for a fact that I will be able to live in my own house with my car, a boat, and eventually a family. Can someone help me do something?! I am giving up on it all.

Oh my God THANK YOU for writing this beautiful article. I love you, thank you.

I love to dance and dance is a passion of mine but recently I lost a pair of shoes and my my mom yelled at me saying “I hope you don’t do dance next year so I don’t have to hear you whine and complain and go through this again!” Now, I don’t won’t to dance anymore. Am I just being stupid and childish for doing this?

I’m a Chinese girl who recently chase my real feeling about this journey and I have to say this sentence out loud is assholes are everywhere! In such a country I have to say some words I really don’t want to say but only a very few people give you a little understanding! But I know who I am, I cannot escape my feelings about who I’m gonna be.No matter how hard to move the obstacles I will still try my best because I have to say this country cannot get more worse…

I love this. Thank you.
It is more sad to admit this but even my parents don’t believe I can succeed in life. And I’m a graphic designer, I finished school and work at a big firm. Yet. I want to do my dreams right. But all I heard was ”You wont make it that far”

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Pray, ask God to put you on the right track, and follow your heart.
Your passion. 🙂 ♡♡♡♡

Hello everyone,

Before I share my current predicament, let me paint a little picture of what the past 4 months has been like for me. I graduated with a degree in social work back in 2009. Since then I have held two full time positions in the field…one working with individuals going through the mental health system and the most recent was working with women who are experiencing abuse. 4 months ago I quit my job out of necessity for my own mental well-being. I was under an immense amount of stress due to all of the responsibilities of my last position ( I was a coordinator and a counsellor) and I wasn’t sleeping. My anxiety was at a level 10 on a daily basis, and I was only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. My job was essentially to help people get through difficult and horrifying experiences. I was exposed to some truly horrible stories of abuse which would run through my mind on an hourly basis. The breaking point was when a woman I had been counselling committed suicide after her partner left her. It haunted me…to my very core…I remember the morning where I hit rock bottom. It was 6:30 am and I woke up before my husband and got into the shower. I remember feeling so unhappy and full of unresolved emotions. I’m not sure if I fainted or I collapsed, but without any control over my own actions I fell to the floor of the shower and started balling. (Picture that cheesy crying in the shower scene that we’ve all seen in the movies) Yep…that actually happened to me. My husband heard me and came in the washroom to console me. He drove me to work that day and promised me that we would start talking about how I could quit my job and perusing something that actually made me happy. So here is the turning point…I have always had a passion for photography and interior design. I decided to start a website that sells digital products for photography editing software. My website has a blog where I love to share my own creative photoshoots each week and talk about the things that I’m passionate about. The website is now 3 weeks old and I’ve already made my first sale! Here is where my story becomes relevant: A few of my family members have been very worried for me since I quit my job…they use passive aggressive remarks (former social worker remember lol) and act very uncomfortable whenever I bring up my new career path or my dreams. I guess I just really wanted them to understand the horrible struggles that I’ve gone through and I would like them to cheer me on as I go off the beaten path and into this unknown world. This article was very helpful. I’ve been searching the internet for other people who are experiencing something similar and although these responses are from years ago…I finally feel like I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings about naysayers. I actually call them NEDS (Negative Energy Drainers). So thank you for writing about this subject….and if you are reading my post in the future…I hope it gives you the same comfort.

So funny but most of all so exactly what I need to read when I feel like I do right now. I take things personally by default and it’s hard to work my way back toward the fresh start where I could have chosen not to. No more Mrs. Nice Guy, yup Guy, it’s been real “nice” doin’ “business” with ya…NoT!
Thanks for the truth!!!! 🙂

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So what the hell do I do if the naybasher, and toxic control freak (Marine Corps, very angry man), dream-bashing asshole is my father and I live with him and every attempt I have at getting work and getting away from him is torn down by this asshole? Genuine advice would be muchly appreciated.

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I honestly have been there. I’ve experienced naysayers, ranging from lack of support of my creativity goals and dreams to my romance connections. I’ve been bashed when I desired to pursue my career full time (which I am doing now), and had people constantly question if I make enough money (even when I make enough to pay rent, they start asking so they may start measuring). I stopped talking about my finances to those people. Even when I have proof that I am doing well, they always seem to ask if I am sure if it’s stable, yada yada, instead of being happy that it’s actually working in my life creatively. There was also situations when I would have crushes on a younger person than my age (by seven years) or desired passion in general. I’ve had a few who would water down my excitement whenever I would share something that happened with me and told to stay away from guys I desired or not to have high expectations because it would falter (or dreamed about passionate experiences and they would tell me not to take it to heart) ridiculous things like that. They would multitask with other things when I wanted to have a serious conversation about my life, even though they want and do get my full attention when they start talking about their excitements in life. With me, regarding guys I desired, they would also say “that is weird, that’s not normal, that’s not right, that’s gross, I don’t want to hear it”. Then I observe them months later, where then eventually they’d start to agree with me and end up crushing on the guys I’d liked months ago (even though I was insulted by their opinions). I would also get criticized for wanting passion in my life in addition to my soulmate, and those few have said that I should go for nice guys, that they needed passion, but that I should date nice guys so that I will be happy (someone literally said that to me, I had to educate them that I could have it all LOL). I put people in their places as I grew a bigger vagina and starting calling them out on it. My intuition became my best friend, and I stopped talking about my personal matters when my intuition told me to mums the word. Now I feel at ease and the respect eventually was earned. I also distanced myself when I had to. But I listen to my intuition and see how I feel in my heart, if they make me happy and lift me up, or if I see an irregular pattern of being put down, I halt it and make a witty comeback. There were also cases of naysayers that would volunteer on projects we would collaborate together, but then would drag their feet when it came to deliver (even though I went out on the limb for their projects). I take everything to heart and observe before I judge, with my heart as well as my mind. Thankfully, I am able to tell now.

Excellent, Torre!!

I’m so happy that you’ve got my back so beautifully versed. Now all I have to do is share this to my mom’s fb page. She is telling me to find a job asap as I am not an artist and will never succeed as one.

I’ve always been known as the creative one in the family. I create beautiful mosaics and have a flair for design and have even sold my handmade gemstone jewellery to shops around my city. So it’s like….wtf?

I just told her to close the door on her way out and then I locked it behind her. I’m relieved to read that it’s perfectly allowed (IGNORE and flip that switch to DON’T GIVE A SHIT)

I did not get up today to be mediocre. I’ll show them!

Thanks again for your great article! Much Love xox

I am writing you this post after a long time you have written it, but I am dealing with all of this since when I was very young.

I am Italian and my dream is to work for the entertainment industry as an artist. However, I live in a little town where there is no chance to get even a normal job and my whole Country is having really a big issue in this as a whole.
I have traveled abroad and have seen big cities and their life. I have showed my work and they liked it. Then I have been working on this via web, always from my home in my little village. However, no one actually believes I am working and I always get negative comments about what I do, advices on what I should do and should not do. Even from my father, every day he insults me telling me that I am lazy and must get a job and a life (and a “husband”) only because I am “always in front of my computer”. No one even cares to know that I stay “always in front of the computer” for one simple reason: I work on it and with it! No one even cares to look at what I achieved, what I have done.
They just keep standing there, criticizing all of the time.

I have made part of my dream true, but I wish some company would just hire me and need my physical presence because I am super suffocating from all of this ignorance, free evilness and naysay. I cannot even go to leave out of home because I couldn’t earn enough money from this job and no one is helping me economically. I have bought even all of the materials to work with my little earnings from this job. I have also travelled with my own money to show my work by myself.

I have worked and still am working REALLY HARD to make my dream come true, but yet it is far and no one leaves me alone.
Many times I said myself I should give up and take a normal job just because I have no support by no one and everyone is just trying to make everything more difficult than what it is just already. I have also seen many closed doors on my face in the same field.

However, I have been focusing my whole life on this since when I was an adolescent. I have really thought a lot of all of this and when I think that I should give up, I start to think that is not right and that I would have wasted my whole life, if I listen to these bad voices all of the time and make what they want.

What i would like to tell is just that I would like to have a bit of support sometimes or just to change home. I know that if I go away from my little village, I will feel better, maybe..

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my mother constantly naybashes my dreams because of my sisters. I have two sisters who are both high school drop-outs and young mothers. They constatntly feel threatened by my success and emotionally abuses me. I try my best to impress my mother, by receiving academic awards every single year, but i never heard her congratulate me before. she keeps on discouraging me and it hurts alot, since i do everything in my power to keep her happy. after every conversation i have with her I end up stuttering, as the words comes out difficult and i end up crying in some corner

This post is so helpful…
The naysayers are everywhere!!!

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I became a nurse because she wanted me to . (She said she couldn’t because she “had flat feet.” She told me that I couldn’t travel cross country with 2 of my nurse friends to California when I graduated nursing school and got my reciproficy to Ca because in case something happened to her or my father medically. So I stayed. I was having fun in my 20’s and she wanted a party so she told me it was time to get married and so out of the 3 boys that I was dating she picked one “who had potential ” so I married him. Needless to say I am divorced and she stopped talking to me after 10 years I don’t know why . She made me always feel like I did something wrong. She made my brother and sister stop talking to me . I don’t know why . She is dead and gone. But I still wonder what I did to make her make my life so bad.

I’ve been working hard on a project that I’m hoping will help me start a business. I’m 23, haven’t been able to hold a job and this is basically my only hope. My mother is supportive, she often asks to look at how my project is going and compliments it and suggests things. I just showed my dad my work for the first time, and huge bulk of it, to help him see what I’m doing…
I now feel horribly depressed. I feel like maybe my project isn’t worth doing, maybe it’s a waste of time… I can’t ignore him, he’d get angry, I can’t sever ties with him, he’s my dad and we live in the same house, I can’t talk to him because then HE would get depressed and I’d feel all the more guilty and stressed because of it. I have no way of dealing with him and I feel so confined. I can’t afford to move out, I have to money, I’ve got no one to help me.
Help. :'(

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I have always wanted to be a famous singer but my parents dont believe in me. It makes me really sad and I cry in my room hoping they will believe in me and that my dream would come true.

Also, I have a huge crush on two guys. One of them is going to juvie this summer. The othher one is supper sweet. But my parents don’t think I wil marry either of them. And I wanna give up on my dream to be a famous singer. If anyone has any good advise,, please email me at the.brig.company@gmail.com. That would really make me feel much better about myself.

I Kent my email is the.bri.company@gmail.com. Sorry for the typo

What should you do when someone you DO support isnt receiving said support from their own family? I feel like if I call anyone in my loved one’s family out on being naysayers, then they will hate me and it will ruin my relationship with this person.

When I was a little kid I was inspired to write a sci-fi book and had the whole idea in my head, however I asked my mom how she felt about what she thinks of my idea I said and she said that other people have tried that and have failed. And I asked my dad after and he said well good luck with that. And I think he or mom said its fine if you want to do that as a hobby. I asked mom do you like the idea? I told my dad again a few years ago I wanted to write a book and I had an idea. A Christian minister I met told me if I do write a book do it because I want to, go under a fake pen name and dreams are reserved to be achieved in heaven not here on earth so keep it hush. I told his friends and they said also dreams are reserved to be achieved when we get in heaven. I have come up with a number of book ideas however I gave up as I felt nobody appreciated my work.

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Love this! I’m a very adventurous and passionate person and always want to learn new things. I remember Whenever I tell my so called “friends” about my visions and ideas, they never seem to support me and they actually made fun of it or like giving me this look that I’m some kind of a joke and It made me feel sad and insecure afterwards. It took me a while to understand and accept that they are naysayers and needed to cut the relationship off. Once I did, I surround myself with people who help me grow and appreciate what I do.

I got into bodybuilding a year and a half ago and have been nothing but happy with the positive change with increased musclarity, fat loss, improved health and a more positive outlook on life. I also changes my eating habits and routine for the better and entered on two bodybuilding competitions and took second place in my last show. It’s not without help with personal training where I am motivated to do my best and can stay injury-free. What’s not to like? People who don’t support it despite making positive testimonials to the changes and progress to a program that works. I have had to endure comments on all the supplements I take, been asked of I am going to continue with this bodybuilding (as if it’s a fitness fad or short-lived phase) in lieu of any genuine support or encouragement to achieve. I don’t need that in my life. I work long hours and have a nasty commute and therefore value my time off. I only have so much room in my life and I don’t have it for people who don’t support my dreams or goals and choose to give up, gossip or sabotage things in my life that are positive. I don’t have any expectations from those who are not supportive so I quietly cut them loose from my life and ghost them because they are not worth my energy to fight with.

just sharing . i was awarded,blessed to be a supporting actor second time choosen and asked ,,, my spirit was lifted beyond my imagination of what felt good.alive,thrilled,significant,and getting ready to live in my dream,if i succeed or fail. right now u cant touch me.. then oh there goes gravity back too reality… hey ‘J’ my angel and she really is… saved me in so many ways. supportive then i surprised her after the first attemp of just telling her i waited ..i get the call sheet im casted lover…. then the look ,,,,sledge hammer….. friends weman said its a choice whats more important,,some said if she loves you shell stick around..some said she doesnt love you…. i mean i begged just let me …theres doubles to do the scenes if it comes to that… 4 years of love a woman who is amazing cares over and beyound for her patients. does for others over and over in love beyound her requirements from her employer.people always requesting her back or they will switch healthcare adores me as i her….and no Anthony thats not me and if you do it we are through… well dumbass choose her asshole choose her twice in two years ….regret yep,nope,yep nope …restoration for us only with God and me letting go of ressentment i cant even see or feel… and a mind that says i can do it…. i desire to be its my destiny,,, a seed planted on good ground that refuses to die ,,,,or is it die too self,,,,,”J” really is awesome,,,,im truley blessed ,,as well im truely lost…my passion is there,my spirit is a spec of light,,can i fake it through,will i continue to die to self and loose my self,,,,,its a sickness huh? so i say live your dreams with no regrets,,,,SPFX “ant”

I agree to all the main points that are discussed about naysayers…
it helped me a lot to deal with these kinds of people

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Yes, i do agree, naysayers do sap your strength. But once in awhile, I just stand up to them and have them learn something about themselves that is in their power to change. I don’t shut them down, but am genuinely curious about their wisdom. “Really? You’ve had experience in this before?” This turns the table on them where now your conversation is about them and their ‘wisdom’. Your strength will be your ability to question their knowledge.

You know i am aspiring storyteller who has a person like my mother thinks i am lazy (which i am)and thinks that i don’t have talent for storytelling,Well they are wrong sure i don’t have a literary agent who will publish my novel or didn’t get more attraction for my rough drawings but i am fine with who I am,SUre my stories didn’t and people think that I don’t have talent but I will keep on trying until my dream turn into reality that i have too many imagination in my idea and I will always come up with new ideas when i get my big break and I don’t care whether people or even my mother say I don’t have talent.I am what I am and I will never give my talent on rough drawing and talent in storytelling.

thanks for the advice my mum just crushed my dreams

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I actually have talent to sin and songwrite but stuck here NcI toldeveryone I believe so much in the song Im writing Im willing take leap faith stay at Safe Haven shelter in Nashville for while really nice shelter if I had to because I have no money jobs here Nc pay nothing I would take challenge of staying there 30 days just show Nashville what I can do well everyone works says that’s taking big dangerous risk to be at shelter but that shelter would help me get suitable housing and I could be getting job in that time also so why not go and see what happens I mean I dreamed I leaped from one mountain to another in my dream so God could only mean take leap FAITH I MEAN SHOULD WE LET BEING POOR STOP US FRO AT LEAST GOING TRYING IS THIS CRAZY OR DANGEROUS TO DO THIS WRITE BACK TO ME PLEASE! Thanks so much !!!

I really needed this in my life right now. You really put exactly what I have been feeling into words. I’m at this point where I need to make decisions about my education while my dad is constantly berating and underestimating my abilities. It’s really starting to negatively influence me. So thanks for this, it really puts things in perspective. Almost thinking about forwarding this to him (though that may be a bit passive aggressive).

Currently right now I’m transitioning out of the military. I had my mind set on a specific school and when I graduated I will have to relearn cause the job I want wants to do the teaching themselves. I tell my wife I’m not going back to school and I’ll just be going to apply for this specific job and have to do the schooling through them. She is upset because things have changed. I am also getting a guard card and gun card so I can get a second job as a rent-a-cop. She is furious because she thinks I’m going to be a career rent-a-cop. I tell her that we can’t is California because it’s not xpensive so we need to look for somewhere else to live. Somewhere cheap and safe. She wants to fight with me. We have 2 kids. And she does not have a job that provides money. I don’t understand how I am wrong when I am trying to look for better opportunities for my family. I will work 2 or more jobs to keep my family well off I tell her. I try to sloth her but I am looked down upon because the past year goals have been adjusted because of new information I have received. What am I doing wrong?

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Love this! Given my family of naysayers, we knew from experience to keep a lid on our plans and share our plans with them at the last minute. The folks we told about our cruising plans reacted in one of two ways: fascination and horror.

Exception: other cruisers!

There, we got encouragement and support. Thus, our advice is find the other folks who’ve given similar dreams a go, or, like us, are actively and seriously planning to, and get in touch with them.

We’ve learned a ton and met some great folks! We hope to inspire others, like you do, to follow their dreams, too!

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I’m trying to get this guitar learning program launched. I developed it and think it’s a great program. I have naysayers. Someone said to me are you qualified. Other negative comments. What surprises me most though is the lack of support. Not so much naysaying but not saying anything at all. In my book that’s naysaying. I’m talking about family members too. I tell them about my program like someone who just won the lottery and they just look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I don’t get it.

Thank you for this. I’d been scared to tell my parents about my dream of being a singer after high school and when I did tell them my father was very supportive and my mother was, as you call them, a naysayer. This post has motivated me to talk to her because I know I will need all the support I can get to achieve my goals. Again, I would like to thank you because it gives me confidence that I’m not being crazy and unrealistic.

Thank you!! Im surrounded ny naysayers.
My husband being one.. and this shot him between the eyes. I enjoyed reading it to him

ok so like my mom is a naysayer what i do about that

Thank you for this post! 🙂 Gives me strength! <3

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I experienced a dream killer New Years Eve. Everything I talked about she countered with neg comments. I am a Landscape Architect major and plan on being an entrepreneur. She commented saying you won’t make money, that her dad never made money, that you got to have connections etc etc. I countered by saying ” I did a job where all other contractors failed and my design worked well. When I countered with my own success story it was like throwing water on her fire, it shut her down. One take away I got out of our discourse was that when the conversatin started she opened with NEGATIVITY, she said how 2018 was her worst year ever financially. Word of advice, if someone starts with negativity use caution. I say it’s probably best you get away from them.

OMG!!!! just had a long conversation with a friend who ALWAYS encounters naysayers. Just about EVERYTHING you said here I said to the friend. So well written and it is timeless as I have bumped into the article 9 years later and it is so very relevant……..BRAVO!

I would like to share this article with the naysayers but the grammar errors need to be fixed. “Your” instead of “you” or “you’re”.

Thanks for this article. It really resonated with me. I’m currently working in healthcare but want to transition to into freelance writing. My parents are big naysayers for sure. They say they’re fine with me pursuing writing but very against leaving my well-paying healthcare career. They’re afraid of change and lay on the guilt trip of they sacrificed much to get me here. It’s a difficult situation as I am not happy at my current job which is why I’m called to writing. They say they’ll support me in whatever I choose but it sure doesn’t feel like it if they’re pressuring me not to leave healthcare because it’s not “safe.” Anways, thanks again for this. I will try to block out their negative thinking.

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