Some parents say that travelling with kids is not worthwhile. “They won’t remember it,” these people say. “It’s a waste of money. It’s better to wait until they’re older.” Is that true?
That image above is my very first passport photo.
Though I grew up in Australia, my parents are American and we’d travel to visit family every few years. Somehow my parents managed to travel with not two, not four, but six kids!
My grandma lived in Mazatlan and we’d stay at her house for weeks… or a month… or longer? I can’t remember the timeframes: when you’re a kid all experiences seem infinite, which is why joy is so delightful and misery so unbearably excruciating. Is this gonna be forever?
I remember the oppressive heat that slammed us straight off the plane and the mango tree that towered over Grandma’s house, dropping sweet fruit the size of my head. I remember playing barefoot in the street with Spanish-speaking children, who had dark hair, olive skin, and brown eyes that took in our fair complexions with wide-eyed curiosity.
Dad and my four oldest sisters. Mexican style.
In the dark chasm of my ribcage lives a jolting memory of getting bitten in the face by Grandma’s German Shepherd, named Killer, and seeing blood dripping down my face and onto my shirt. I was hysterical—not because of pain but because all the adults looked so uncharacteristically terrified. This was serious. We were in 1984 Mexico.
I can still hear their whispered conversations: “Should we worry about rabies?… Might get infected… Could’ve bit her eye and blinded her!… She was patting him while he was eating, that’s why… Mom should get that stupid dog put down!”
Is this gonna be forever?
A friendly doctor down the street taught me the words “butterfly stitches” and made me all better, and to keep the dirty tap water out of my wound, Mum bathed me in a bucket (I was tiny enough to fit in a bucket).
A few years later, because Dad’s writing career hit its peak in the 80’s, we flew to Bali. I was six.
On that flight I saw an Indonesian stewardess who had the most beautiful face I’d ever seen. No other face has ever stunned me like hers did. My scalp still holds the tingly pain of Balinese hands working strands of my golden hair into tight plaits with her rough and fast fingers.
My feet haven’t forgotten the rotten produce squelching between my toes as we walked barefoot throughout Balinese markets. (Dad didn’t agree with the concept of shoes and only wore them when legally required to do so. Shoes represented two evils: authority and conformity.)
My entire family in Bali, plus two family friends and some random Balinese dude.
(Tongues are also great devices for shirking authority and conformity, I discovered.)
In the movie reel of my memory, all of these experiences somehow crescendo into a perfect moment that happened one night in an open-air thatched roof restaurant. A warm, energy-charged breeze bent palms and whipped our hair. All I remember from that night is the breeze, the stars, the tranquility of being with my family, and the taste of my dish: chicken satay. No other dish has ever stunned me like that one did.
We stopped travelling in 1988 when the recession hit Australia—and my dad’s writing career. I had exactly eight years to take in all that I would ever take in from travelling as a child.
* * *
I’m writing this on a plane that’s heading to Indonesia, and afterwards I’m going to Borneo and India. Travel is a huge part of my life now, and I fund it through my freelance work as a writer and designer.
It’s been 28 years since I’ve been to Bali. Things are a lot different now, obviously, and not just in Bali. My hair has turned brown, my dad passed away from cancer, and I wear shoes for hygiene reasons (because I don’t particularly enjoy having scum-blackened soles).
But there is one thing that remains exactly the same…
In the cells that make up my adult body lives the wild, electric excitement of going to a destination that is foreign and frightening, exhilarating and brand new. It is a passion for adventure, a curiosity for the new, an openness to the unknown that is intrinsic to me.
Everywhere I go in this world, I carry with me the heightened sensory memories of all previous travels, like that perfect Balinese evening when the feeling of joy seemed it would stretch out forever. I collect these impressions and hold them inside me as a tiny, precious fire that lives in my solar plexus.
I’ve grown up. My dad has died. A lot of things have changed. But the fire will never go out.
It is my essence.
A lot of people think that you shouldn’t take kids travelling. It’s a waste of money, these people say. Kids won’t remember it, won’t process it. Experiences will go unappreciated…
I disagree.
Torre DeRoche is the author of two travel memoirs, Love with a Chance of Drowning (2013) and The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World (due out September 2017). She has written for The Atlantic, The Guardian Travel, The Sydney Morning Herald, Emirates, and two Lonely Planet anthologies.
83 Response Comments
what a lovely oeice Torre.
Your writing always makes me laugh and cry and often both at the same time.
Safe travel you fearful but happy adventurer.
Thank you Clare. I don’t feel fearful much these days, but the domain name has already been registered. :/
Beautiful. This is the best thing I’ve read today.
Thanks Nikita!
I couldn’t agree more. Some of my fondest memories are travelling with my family both within Australia and overseas. When people ask me about my childhood they are the memories that i think of first. I have 4 children and we have, and will continue, to travel with them 🙂
Something about being outside of your routine really pulls you into the present, even as a kid. That’s why those memories are the strongest: life is at its most vivid!
As a parent I wonder if I’m doing the right thing ?
From eight weeks old out Daughter has traveled with us , she has always been brilliant on the planes (very lucky to date) dubai tonight so another country for her to experience ….. I also used to be the person who was irrated by the crying child
Wish I could write lovely blogs like yours
Hey, a baby’s cry is supposed to be irritating! Otherwise we’d all just let them cry instead of leaping to tend to their needs and shut them up. Irritated is one thing, hostile towards vulnerable parents is another.
Thank you for your kind words, John.
What a great article. My parents travelled a lot with us when we were young and even though we didn’t travel as widely, it left me with a love for history and culture.
I’m trying to instil the same in my daughter but my partner seemed to think in the early years that she was ‘too young’, as if you wake up at a certain age and suddenly find you are interested in all kinds of stuff.
So we travel – because we like to – and I share what I know about culture and history and we do some research and we talk a lot and I hope that this will help her along the way.
🙂
I think this ‘wake-up’ stage is the time that kids develop the ability to turn their experiences into language. They’ve learned English and can tell you what they saw! But before that, they are still living, intelligent beings taking in the sensory world in ways that are far more sophisticated than adults are capable of.
What a beautiful post. I love all of these photos. I didn’t go anywhere particularly exotic as a child, but the memories I have of Florida and the Caribbean with my family I will carry for the rest of my life.
Those places are exotic to some people, like me. 🙂
Love this story, Torre! And loved your book “Love With a Chance of Drowning.” You’re one of my heros!
Aw, thank you!
Lovely post!
thank you for sharing =)
My pleasure. Thanks for stopping by.
This is wonderful! Coincidentally I was just reading my friend’s blog – she’s a single mom traveling the world with her 3 year old. By the age of 2, her daughter had over 20 stamps on her passport! Now at 3, she’s taken over 100 flights. I’m quite sure her life (and her mom’s) will be all the richer for the experience! Your photos are beautiful and I think it’s awesome that you were given this love for travel from your parents!
Interesting. I met an author tonight at the Ubud Writers’ Festival named Jane Cornelius, who wrote a book called Baby and a Backpack about a woman who travels solo with a child. Power to ’em!
I’ve been very fortunate to travel with my three kids a few times, twice internationally. There’s always a moment when my husband and I look at each other and say “dear god what were we thinking.” It’s a crazy amount of work. Yet. Those moments of pure joy: running through Paris in a crazy thunder storm, listening to my four year old boys laugh while watching the Eiffel Tower twinkle. That’s magical. Travel is an excuse to encourage curiosity. I can’t wait to share those experiences with them again.
I also thought that traveling with your children was supposed to be about that-traveling with your children! I am only an aunt, but I have found incredible pleasure watching my niece and nephews experience a place or snorkel or take a photo for the first time. You remember as a child even if the details do not remain. I get the same feeling as an adult-the details do not always stick, but you remember how you felt when you were somewhere new. Love your posts and really enjoyed your novel/life story.
Thank you for writing this! I get questions surrounding the safety and viability of traveling with kids all the time. I am still on the road with my son, as a single mom after 6 years, and loving every moment of it. It took a little bit, but as soon as I realized the world was a safe place to belong to, travel within and experience throughout, our experiences became whole….and may I say, the most profound learning experience possible? Again, thank you for writing this, your words are refreshing.
I absolutely love this and agree with you. Even if consciously you don’t remember everything, I think you remember on a deeper level. It’s part of you, like you said, and it’ll always be exhilarating and necessary, not scary. I wish I could have traveled before 19 and I’m going to be sure to take my kids to travel as soon as we can afford it.
I really enjoyed this! I plan on continuing to travel even after we have our babies. 🙂
This shows real exeertisp. Thanks for the answer.
Love this, I think its the best form of education for children and plan on showing and inspiring my daughter as much as possible via travel. My dad emigrated to Australia (came back before we were born) so I was reared on stories of oz in the 60s, great influence. 🙂
I hate it when other passengers are so passively aggressively shooting eye daggers at parents…you know there’s going to be a time when they have the worst-behaved child on the plane with them. Karma.
Loved seeing old pictures!
A fearless article as always, and ringing with real truth. I aspire to be as honest as you are in your writing, Torre. Thank you. With your permission, I will put a link to this post on my website – I think it will interest many of my readers.
Great to read Torre and so lovely to hear from a child traveler’s perspective. We have always travelled with our children. Our son was only 3 when we travelled Australia, Africa and Europe ( 22 now) and when our 2 daughters came we went sailing for 3 years as plane travel was too expensive. Many people frowned at us (particularly sailing with a 4mth, 2yr and 8yr old) but we went and had an amazing time. Our son is now a keen traveller and I’m sure our daughters will be too. I think no matter what age kids are, if you can, take them!
I’m such a fan.
Love you xo
What a beautifully written piece. Thank you! My family didn’t travel much when we were little, but your words encourage me that we’re doing the right thing taking our kids all over the place, whenever and wherever we can.
Love the post Torre. As a travelling mum of two little ones I could write a novel on how fantastic it is to travel with kids. Yes, the benefits for the kids is enormous but the joy we ‘grown-ups’ get from being able to experience the world through their pure and unspoilt eyes is priceless. So ABSOLUTELY take the kids! For their sake and for yours. It’ll make this wonderful world a much better place! p.s you’re in Ubud – my home away from home, so wish I was there to shout you a cocktail (or 2)
Beautiful post Torre. I never traveled as a kid. My parents have never left the country. I sometimes wonder where my insatiable wanderlust comes from or what my life might have looked like had I been introduced to the thing I love the most at a young age. I’ve never met a traveling kid that wasn’t a smarter, bolder person because of their adventures. Love that you were raised to be curious about the world.
Hi! first time writing a comment here… I just wanted to say: it was so lovely to read this! I felt a bit of emotional on the whole family thing, I used to travel with mine when I was a kid as well (just locally, never international, haha). Anyways, it was wonderful to read this post. Thanks for sharing.
–Vivi
This couldn’t have come at a better time for me!
We are flying October 27th from California to Spain, and I’m SO nervous about the flight with our three and five year old. Once we land the plan is to start our search for a sailboat, and in the last week I’ve suddenly become overwhelmed with doubt that we are doing the right thing. My son started Kindergarden in August and is thriving. He gets bored when we’re at home, and talks about school non-stop. THIS beautiful piece reaffirmed that whisper inside of me that says both of them will never forget the journey we’re about to take them on.
Thanks!
My parents are those people who think travel is a waste of money (or rather my mother), not just for kids, but for people in general.
‘Why don’t you buy a car or a sofa?’ my mum always complains when I tell her how much my last holiday cost me.
It’s difficult for me to guess how my life would have been if my parents had actually travelled and taken me with them. Would I have taken travel for granted as an adult, instead of wanting it with every fiber of my life till I finally got it when I turned 21 (I have treasured it ever since)? I really don’t know! I have cousins who travelled the world as kids, and now nothing excites them because they’ve seen and done it all.
I think perhaps it also depends on what kind of person you are. You either have the travel gene, or you don’t, maybe.
Lovely post, as usual.
I loved reading your book and have recommended it to many of my friends. You are a gifted writer . As a child I travelled every year to stay at the family house at a beach called ‘Torres’ in the south of Brazil, with my parents and siblings. It was the highlight of the year for me. I am looking forward to read about your next adventure.
Hello Torre,
Ah the travel experiences! Loving your writing. A you brewing a new booking…
Looking forward to it, as you know I loved your debut.
Experiences are endless…enjoy! x
I say yes to taking kids to experience other countries and cultures. I still resent my father for buying tickets to the US to take us all to Disney Land then crushed our dreams by cancelling the trip. I’ll never forget that. But on the other side of the coin – No point taking babies or kids that have just started to crawl or walk on a long flight, I wouldn’t do it when mine were fairly new. I wouldn’t punish myself, the kid (their ears get sore because they can’t pop them themselves) or the people on the plane.
I didn’t get to travel when I was growing up, but I am with you in that it would be an enriching experience and not a waste. I think in today’s age where technology trumps many things, it would be especially important to open the eyes to young ones and get beyond a ‘screen’.
I TOTALLY agree with you and you have expressed the legacy of young travel so beautifully. I’m so passionate about travel and the full immersion learning it offers, I include my grandchildren. And have been traveling with them since they were 3. I now write multimedia travel books for children in the hope I can convince others to include little ones in their international travel plans. The books also prepare a child for an upcoming trip.
Wow! I needed to read this. We will be uprooting our kids (aged 7 and 10) sometime in the near future and take them to explore the world. I’m 36 and I’ve never been outside the borders of South Africa (Namibia was still South West Africa when I went there at age 6) and I don’t want my children to have no concept of the rest of the world. It is so easy to stick to what is safe and what we know but there is a huge world outside of that “safe zone” with interesting people, food and scenery. Life is too short to leave that wonderful place unexplored!
Traveling with your kids is a great way to free them from their fears of the wide world, as they won’t have the mass media to lie to them about how dangerous it is. Great post!
I wish more people exposed this point of view. I didn’t travel at all growing up and I’m certain my wanderlust is because of it! I met a woman recently who talked about “world-schooling” her children and it sounded like the best idea. have you heard of it?
~christina
Wonderful post and wonderful memories!
A wonderful story, Torre, I totally agree with you. By taking your kids on a travel you educate them to love the world and the life in general. It opens their mind and gives them unforgettable memories. When I have kids I will definitely bring them with me.
So beautifully written Torre and I completely agree with the sentiment. I’ve got a dream of having boat babies and taking our family all around the world, I think it’s the best education you can give a child. Why learn Spanish in a classroom when you can visit Mexico and practise with the locals?!
Wow Its lovely and Beautiful story.One is different thing to Travel with cute and sweet babies…am I right.
Amazing! So well said, as there are SO many people that say do not take children with you travelling. This is very inspiring as we have a 2 year old daughter. She has already been to Turks and Caicos and Dominican Republic 🙂
Chills to my body and lots of old childhood memories coming back to my mind! 🙂 Thank you!!!….my childhood also disagrees 😀
Hi I totally agree with you here. It’s essential that we take our kids travelling. My parents didn’t go far, just around Europe, we lived in London and had family in Italy. But the trip we have formed my perception of life. Travel is education, it brings the world together. My son travels everywhere we go – and he already speaks 3 languages. I love your site 🙂
Travel is the best form of learning for kids … excellent vintage photos, by the way!
Yes, this is awesome idea to remember our old memory.
officially HOOKED on this blog. so grateful to my parents for not thinking twice about taking us anywhere and everywhere from the very start. you’ve inspired me to compile my own list of sense memories from my childhood travels. funny, just like you recall getting bitten from by a dog, the first memory that’s popped up for me is the heart-in-mouth shock of getting scratched by a fluffy kitten in Bermuda who seemed so benign. heartbreak!
http://canadianinlosangeles.com
Yes. yes, yes! I hope my kids feel like this when they’re grown.
Great story…. The memory is priceless..
I love traveling with my 3 year old baby and I must say that this is the best time for our bonding…We get more and more connected with each other while traveling…
I loved this article! I have travelled internationally with my son, alone, since he was 3 months old. He is six now, and I recently took him to Bali, where went carry-on, and backpacked throughout the island with one bag between us. I feel we find our true rhythms while travelling and exploring together. I see the world through his excited eyes, as we put ourselves way out there, relying on the kindness of others and an intrepid fever that needs to move forward. The world opens up in amazing ways when you are a single mom travelling with your child. Children connect universally and teach us about our petty fears. our provincial narrow values and personal limitations. Thanks for the piece!
Extraordinary, I can say nothing more besides thank you for sharing!
Beautiful piece, and lovelier photos. It reminds me of my old days with my parents. We were a “hothath-songho”, in Bengali it means “the sudden(hothath) club(shongho)”. We used to go for outings whenever the wanderlust set in, and those experiences and memories will be with me till I grow old and start forgetting things of Alzheimer (god forbid!). The best thing about going out with children and ones whole family, all generations together, is that not only we make some amazing memories to fill up our memory lanes, but for the children it becomes an amazing part of a beloved past which not only makes them happy and bond better at the moment but the experience will also serve as some positive source of happiness and inspiration throughout their lives.
What a nice little boys travel ! welcome to see himalayas of Nepal !
Torre. I just finished your book. I loved it, I could not put it down! What an amazing adventure and the way you wrote about it made me feel like I was on the boat with you. You are a fantastic writer. I will pass your book along to my friends and family, I know they will love it too. Will there be a movie?
Happy travels please keep writing!
Jody cook
Thousand oaks ca
Very nice post.. Thanks for this sharing informative stuff like this 🙂 atleast i know why my kids need to go travel with us, with my husband 🙂 .. its a part of a true family bonding.
anyway thanks a lot 😉
Keep it great !
Beautiful post. I love the old pictures, this actually brings back a lot of my own memories from childhood travels–totally worthwhile by the way! I take my own son now and yeah, it’s true maybe he looks like he’d rather play mindcraft than be completely present sometimes, but months later he’ll say, “remember when…” and I know he was really there with me experiencing the whole thing. I can still see that little girl in the current picture!
I loved reading this! My daughter will be 1 year old in a few weeks and she has already touched her tiny toes in two different oceans. People said travel would be tough with a baby but she enjoyed herself immensely, her eyes full of wonder with each new experience and honestly I enjoyed myself more watching her. We’ve been thinking about visiting a friend in Bali this winter and were a bit concerned but now after reading your report it’s finalized, we’re going! Thank you!
just came across your post and I am really taken back what a piece of work seriously awesome, pictures are really good compelling. Loved your post a lot looking forward for more.
Family travel is absolutely the best thing you can do for your children and to bond as a family. Excellent post and I agree with you wholeheartedly.The first important value that travel provides for your children is that it teaches them how important they are to you.
Hey Torre, I just finished your awesome book and consequently decided to visit your website. I totally agree about taking kids travelling. We are a UK/Oz family currently 8 months into a year in southern India. My 5 year old son attends a local school and is even learning Tamil. I hope you loved India as much as we do. Like you, my travels have inspired me to write a book. Wish me luck :-). Jen
I agree with you, Torre. Ever since I was a small child, I have been going to many places, mainly due to my father’s job. I hate it when people scorn at parents wanting to take their little kids with them on a trip or vacation. I have all my pictures that remind me of the days I have little or no recollection of.
Well, that’s a nice article! You have borrowed me into time of my childhood! I remember how my parents and I went to Crimea, there was very sunny and warm, a lot of sea and there was very-very funny! It hard to me when I read what’s going on there now… But we’re talking not about politics.
Thanks you again, and if I’ts not hard to you please visit my website well-way.com where you can create your own trip map( which will be useful for your future adventures)!
Did you mean this website?
oyeeeeee
What a beautiful blog post. First time reader and commenter here. My son is 6 months old today and we are planning a trip to Japan next year, still discussing if we should bring our son along – for the same exact reason! (It’s been 12 months since we last travelled). Thank you for writing such beautiful piece…
-Daniel
I think its the best form of education for children and plan on showing and inspiring my daughter as much as possible via travel.
A) You look the same despite the change in hair color b) I agree, which is why we’ve carted by toddler a bunch of places in two years c) this is a beautiful homage to your father. Thank you for sharing your memories.
Loved the book! I was a young mom and I traveled all over with my child. In airports, I’d have her read the flight boards to determine our gate for connecting flights and then I’d let her guide us. On driving trips, she sat in the back seat with a map tracking our progress and she would also calculate miles per gallon and estimate how many more gallons we would need before our destination. We mixed it up by visiting museums and did cool stuff she wanted too. On one particular trip, we went to Washington D.C. and visited the Museum of American History. She had just written a paper on Betsy Ross (the woman who sewed the American Flag) when she saw the flag that Ms. Ross had sewn, complete with holes from the battle for our nation’s independence, she was overcome with joy and stared at the flag for 30 minutes. The list of states and countries that she has visited is impressive, to me at least as a proud mama. As a result, she has been traveling on her own internationally since she was 18 years old. She’s 25 now and getting married next month and is taking her soon to be husband on his first trip, outside of the U.S. for their honeymoon. She is taking what I’ve taught her and teaching her fiancé and I hope, one day, my future grandchildren! Be bold, be brave, travel with your children!
My husband and I have lived on a sailing catamaran with five children for the last seven years. I am so pleased to hear that those traveling memories shaped your adult self! Whenever things are uncomfortable and some of the people are wishing we just lived in a house like normal people, I tell myself that someday they will thank us. I loved your book as I also started out as a fearful adventurer!
Its looks interesting! Please post more like this. It really helps to us.
As a parent I wonder if I’m doing the right thing ?
From eight weeks old out Daughter has traveled with us , she has always been brilliant on the planes (very lucky to date) dubai tonight so another country for her to experience
Hello!!
Your blog is extremely good.. Looking forward for more blogs from you. Good Going.
This is an Awesome stuff.i really inspired through this blog
What a awesome story traveling with kids allows you to create lasting memories as a family. Exploring new places, experiencing different cultures, and engaging in fun activities together can forge bonds and create shared experiences that you and your children will cherish for a lifetime. I was travelling to the ABC trek with help Annapurna Base Camp Trek Guide with my kids i have to carry them to the top. I was so exhausted but worth it seeing happiness to their face